Poor Piedsmum is poorly again.

[starryuk]

It will be peaceful, Pied, your mum will simply stop breathing.

How you are keeping going, I don't know. But you are both so brave, so calm (on the outside anyway) and so compassionate. What a wonderful ending you are giving your mum. She deserves it, bless her. So do you and your sis.

xx

 

[piedwarbler]

The gaps are just ever so slightly longer and more frequent but only every ten minutes or so, Mum moaned when she had this last lot of mouth care. Her mouth is so dry now.
I'm so very sad.
I wanted it to be full of sleep but I know the distress could've been much worse. I've always said through childbirth you can take any amount of pain if you have one thing. Compassionate, empathic care xx

 

[piedwarbler]

I'm hoping Mum would share my thoughts x

 

[piedwarbler]

They are changing her nightie now. There are three if them doing it. I appreciate the problem. If you know someone is about to pass you can stop these dressing changes but it may go on another week x

 

[LYN T]

M also said to Mum, "God's waiting for you with His arms open."

I guess some posters are thinking, what am awful thing to say. Scare her to death why don't you. I just want you to know I share those fears. What if Mum is terrified? All I can say is, I'm trying to reassure her. So much love in this tiny room. X

I don't think it's an awful thing to say-and that's coming from a non believer.
The thought of anybody being there in the next life with their arms open must be comforting.I believe there is a life after death-the spirit world and I would like to be assured that would happen. I would like to think that dearly departed friends/relatives were waiting for me-with or without a God to oversea proceedings. (That's not meant to be a flippant comment.) When my OH leaves this world I want him to greet me so we can be together again.

I think you would know if your Mum was terrified. She would be agitated. You and Sis are so in tune with her you would know.

So much love in the tiny room Pied, and so much here for you, Sis and your brave little Mum.

Shall be back later.

Love as always

Lyn T

 

[creativesarah]

Love and thoughts and prayers are with you all

the irrational thoughts are just extreme exhaustion so dont let them phase you its just a natural reaction (did I spell phase right?)

Just keep sensing our love and support and the peace that passes all understanding

lots of love to little pied too

 

[nicoise]

Dear Pied,

Given the way your Mum is now, and that you are picking up on her tiny changes in breathing, and ready to ask for pain relief if you feel it is necessary, she will remain peaceful.

With both my parents, neither were restful or particularly peaceful, but not conscious either, and both stopped breathing very suddenly.

So I don't think it is necessarily predictable when that last breath will happen; but so good that she is calm and peaceful.

Sending you love and strength as your vigil continues - your Mum certainly has a tenacious hold on life, even in the face of her years of challenges - I think we can see where your fighting spirit comes from.

Stay strong xxx

 

[piedwarbler]

Back with mum. Well that dressing change and nightie change has really tired Mum. The breaths are the same speed but much much shallower and the gaps are bigger. I'm going to be with mum now for a bit x

 

[janma221]

Thinking of you Pied, love and hugs
Jan xxxx

 

[fredsnail]

Hopefully they won't need to change her again for a while, but it sounds like a good suggestion to cut the nighties at the back so it's easier to be changed for Mum.

Continued hugs and peaceful vibes to you all.

 

[piedwarbler]

Brilliant idea Kassy. We thought of cutting the old one off but not cutting the new one. Did you think of that idea yourself? Brilliant. Hopefully someone reading this will benefit from that tip. X

 

[florence43]

Dear Pied,

I think what Kassy did was wonderful. Nothing matters at this stage but comfort and peace. I don't know how they knew, but the staff at mum's NH stopped changing mum's nightie a couple of days before she died. It was probably similar to your mum, in that they expected her to go earlier than she did. If your mum isn't sweating, and is hardly passing any urine, changing her clothes won't be as important any more. I think I would just want to be left alone, if it was me lying there.

If at any point, you don't feel right about decisions made by the staff, no matter how wonderful they are (and they are) please use your voice and speak for your mum, using only your natural instinct as your guide. As with childbirth, there is no instruction manual on how things pan out, and it's no different at the end of life. In labour, if I couldn't speak, my husband would speak for me, instinctively knowing what I would want, and if I didn't want to be touched, he said so. This will be similar, and if a little voice inside says your mum wouldn't want something, then you will step in. Sorry to go on about this. I know that's not what you were posting about, but it brought back the memories of feeling helpless when the world was upside down. With no experience to build on, I was led by others, and I'm not sure now they were always the right thing. I've always said no regrets, but if I was unlucky enough to have my time over, then these would be the little things I would change. A bit like when the staff would continue trying food with mum, when my instinct said not to force it, I had the same instinct about touching and moving mum in her final days. The bed was keeping her moving, so they stopped turning, and I was happy with that. Sometimes, it's the lesser of the two evils, and things like changing clothes is terribly disruptive, yet not doing it might make her uncomfortable. I may be missing the point of it, but my basic view was that mum wouldn't mind. Rather the same nightie, than the pain of being moved.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. I shouldn't have babbled on like that. It just struck a chord, I think.

Hoping your mum can be left, in privacy with her daughters for a while now,


xxxxx

 

[Dibs]

Thinking of you Pied.
Dibs (Deborah) xx

 

[Polly1945]

Thinking of you and your dear Mum

Love
Pauline
XX

 

[sallyc]

Here with you Pied xxxx

 

[flowerpot]

Brilliant idea about the nighties Kassy - that's what's so great about TP -

Still thinking of you all Pied and hopefully now that your Mum has been changed she can lie peacefully and not be disturbed for quite a while. It's so difficult to know what to do for the best but I think just going on gut instinct and knowing what your Mum would want is the way to go.

Take care xx

 

[geum123]

Hi Pied,
I've been away for a couple of days but thoughts of both your Mum and you have travelled with me.

I feel so moved reading your posts.
The room must be shining with love for your Mum.

I hope calm and peace prevails.
Thinking of you.
Love Geum xxxx

 

[piedwarbler]

Lots of gaps now. The longest about 6 or 7 seconds which feels long. Little shallow ragged breaths. Perfect peace and calm. Whispering to mum, holding her hand, looking in her eyes, telling her she is safe x

 

[BeckyJan]

Thinking of you and your Mum, Pied.

 

[winda]

Thinking of you and your family Pied