Hi everyone. I've never started a thread but just selfishly need to offload. My mum has vascular dementia due to alcoholism causing high blood pressure and strokes. I am an only child and mum divorced in 1979 and never remarried. 12 years ago she retired and moved 130miles to be closer to me. And so, the nightmare began: her continual alcoholism, drama, crises, arguments, selfishness, lies, aggression, hours spent in A&E, hurtful words, disowning of me because I asked her to stop drinking, claims to her neighbours that I was cruel and deranged, continual attempts to break up my marriage, small hours spent breaking into her home to pick her up off the floor, wash away her urine and vomit, sit with her as she raged. My mum threw me out of her house and in the 3 weeks that I did not see her, she succumbed to dementia. I lost her and did not say goodbye. I have a hubby who had a stroke at 49, I work full time and I apparently have to apply to the court of protection for deputyship as mum refused to discuss it when she had capacity and is thousands of pounds in debt going back 20+ years. I visit her as often as I can (I work 8am-8pm 4 nights a week) and I am struggling so much. I have had to move mum to a residential home and feel so guilty. The guilt isn't only due to placing her in residential care. It is that, I am still so angry with her for all she puts me through. She has tried to control my whole life. I try so hard but God forgive me, I resent the fact that she treated me so badly and still I am expected to give and give. I have read this post back and realise how utterly 'woe is me' and selfish I sound but I am fearing for my mental health. Does anyone have any words of wisdom (nice or nasty) for me please? I just don't know how much longer I can pretend all is ok. I have tried GP, counselling etc, but the situation continues unabated. I feel so guilty for feeling like this but I just cannot seem to get past it. I love my mum so much, and I know you only have one mum, but none of this seems to help. I am so, so fed up of it all. Sorry for the rant. Thank you.
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