Good evening, I'm trying to support my elderly parents who have mixed dementia and vascular dementia. How will i know when they will need 24 hr care? 🙏
Parents with dementia
- Thread starter Beardietam
- Start date
Yes I am asking is it time. I suppose I’m looking to understand what the key factors would be. I suppose safety in the home is one, but what would be the others that people would consider at this point? Thank you for replying.
My mother in law was living on her own in her own home and she had carers visits, she was self-funding. The carers got her breakfast prompting medication and checked up on her later. This worked well for about 2 years, but she became a falls risk and became very agitated on her own especially at night. The tipping points for her to go into care were a combination of falls risk, constantly phoning family at night and therefore disrupting the household, hallucinations and calling out emergency services and double incontinence. If you're asking the question then it's probably time.
This is so helpful. Continent, limited mobility (not through Alzheimer’s) but the sundowning is a real issue starting at 6pm and ending around 7 am. Still able to wash and toilet herself but constantly nagging dad to do things. Still making great deal of sense and recognises everyone. It’s a hard decision isn’t it. 😥
Hello @Beardietam,
My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia in 2019. She moved into residential care about a year ago. Prior to that I had lived with her for about three years trying to support her.
The issue that broke my resolve to try and keep her at home was wandering during sundowning episodes. I say sundowning - the episodes actually began soon after lunch. It also wasn’t really wandering, more determined marches to find a bus or a train. My mum wanted to go “home” to see her mother who died in 1957. She would leave the house looking for transport back to South Wales. We lived in Suffolk. This went on for months before I finally broke. By then I was often following her out of the house 3-4 times a day. There was no way she could have been left alone as she almost certainly would have walked out of the house and been at risk of harm.
This “wandering with a purpose” was by no means the only issue. My mum suffered from many other psychological symptoms of dementia. Living with her became extremely stressful and most of the time I was mentally exhausted.
When she moved into residential care my mum was very mobile for a 90 year old, she was continent, she could wash and dress herself. She could hold a conversation, albeit with a lot of repetition and some confusion. She knew all the members of her family; five children, nine grandchildren and one great grandson.
When I moved in with my mum in April 2020 to look after her I thought it would be increasing physical care needs that would eventually trigger a move to residential care. In the end it wasn’t that, but something that I hadn’t anticipated.
My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia in 2019. She moved into residential care about a year ago. Prior to that I had lived with her for about three years trying to support her.
The issue that broke my resolve to try and keep her at home was wandering during sundowning episodes. I say sundowning - the episodes actually began soon after lunch. It also wasn’t really wandering, more determined marches to find a bus or a train. My mum wanted to go “home” to see her mother who died in 1957. She would leave the house looking for transport back to South Wales. We lived in Suffolk. This went on for months before I finally broke. By then I was often following her out of the house 3-4 times a day. There was no way she could have been left alone as she almost certainly would have walked out of the house and been at risk of harm.
This “wandering with a purpose” was by no means the only issue. My mum suffered from many other psychological symptoms of dementia. Living with her became extremely stressful and most of the time I was mentally exhausted.
When she moved into residential care my mum was very mobile for a 90 year old, she was continent, she could wash and dress herself. She could hold a conversation, albeit with a lot of repetition and some confusion. She knew all the members of her family; five children, nine grandchildren and one great grandson.
When I moved in with my mum in April 2020 to look after her I thought it would be increasing physical care needs that would eventually trigger a move to residential care. In the end it wasn’t that, but something that I hadn’t anticipated.
This is so helpful to read. My mum is almost 92. She is not mobile and uses a frame to walk. She can toilet herself but cannot dress or wash herself. Some days she is completely lucid and others agitated and talking nonsense. She is continent. Up to now she has been managing very well with four care visits a day but the nighttime activity has proven hard for my elderly dad to cope with. She desperately wants to be at home and with my dad. I would love to see her end her days with him and in her own home. It’s so tough.
One good tip is to keep a diary in which you record your thoughts and how you are feeling and anything 'new' which crops up. After a few weeks / months go through it, back to the start, and compare how you are now with what you said then. You may be able to spot major shifts in demands which you have adjusted to as they occured incrementally. Additionally, ask a trusted friend to 'keep an eye on you' and tell you if they notice a change in you which could be due to an increasing burden that you think you are just about coping with. Despite devout loyalty, they would not want you to suffer.
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