Our Poor Carer

[Rishile]

My husband has always been a bit of a wind-up merchant and always loved playing practical jokes on people. I haven't seen this side of him for a few years but it's creeping back which, to me, is lovely but he is now starting to wind--up one of our carers. We have three main ones that come each day in rotation. Two of them he is fine and takes his pills and chats away with them. The other (I'll call her 'M') he complains to me that she is grumpy (she isn't). This morning has been very difficult. 'M' came and sorted his pills as usual, gave them to me and I put them in my hand for him to take. He then has a soluble Asprin. He was refusing to take the pills from my hand and took a lot of persuading to take them all. He tried hiding them (he couldn't fool me) and tried spitting them out but I managed to get him to take them all. He then only had to drink the small amount of water with the Asprin. He flatly refused meaning 'M' was getting quite worried and upset as she had to leave to go to her next client. He then started to say he was going to leave me (he always says this when he doesn't get his way) and looked a bit aggressive. I knew this was all an act and wasn't at all bothered. 'M' was obviously worried and I could tell she didn't want to leave me. I said everything was fine. As soon as 'M' had gone he gulped down the Asprin and started doing the washing up. I told him it wasn't fair to do that to her but his response was 'she loves me winding her up'. This is so much like his old self it was amazing but I feel so sorry for 'M'. I'm not sure if I will get chance to speak to her alone to explain or should I ring the agency and see what they say? I don't want to make a big issue of it but I don't want her upset either.

 

[DeeCee7]

Hello @Rishile , firstly how lovely to see an old , amusing side of your husband’s personality reemerging! I am sure you are more concerned than ‘M’ about the little incident, as you say, she was probably more concerned about being late for her next appointment. Try to have a quick word with her at the front door when she next comes. Or if that’s not possible, you could slip her a little note thanking her for what she does and explaining things.

 

[Violet Jane]

From M's point of view, this behaviour is not an amusing wind-up. It's annoying as she can't complete her allotted tasks - and has to account for this - and it's making her late for her next appointments.

I don't understand why M's there if you're the one actually giving your husband the medication. Does she do anything else? Why don't you administer the medication yourself as it seems that her administering it is causing problems rather than helping.

I hope that this is a one-off. Home carers won't deal with aggressive behaviour and will report it. If the problem continues then I think that you'll have to replace M with another carer. Perhaps this visit isn't needed at all.

I would try to have a quiet word with M and see how she is on her next visit.

 

[Rishile]

From M's point of view, this behaviour is not an amusing wind-up. It's annoying as she can't complete her allotted tasks - and has to account for this - and it's making her late for her next appointments.

I don't understand why M's there if you're the one actually giving your husband the medication. Does she do anything else? Why don't you administer the medication yourself as it seems that her administering it is causing problems rather than helping.

I hope that this is a one-off. Home carers won't deal with aggressive behaviour and will report it. If the problem continues then I think that you'll have to replace M with another carer. Perhaps this visit isn't needed at all.

I would try to have a quiet word with M and see how she is on her next visit.

I have no say regarding the carers. Social Services insist on it although all three carers say I don't need them. All they do is prepare his meds and make sure he takes them and a brief welfare check.

Maybe the note idea may be the best solution. I would point out that my husband was not being aggressive to M but to me and I was aware this was not REAL aggression.

 

[JoannePat]

Hi @Rishile It must be lovely to see some of your husbands "old ways", if you don't think you will get a chance to speak to M, you could drop the agency a line just to pass a message on that he was playing up this morning and you are fine.....

Jxx

 

[Rishile]

Problem Resolved!!

'M' came again this morning as I thought she would. I spoke to my husband beforehand and said it was very unfair what he had done yesterday. I was amazed, not only that he remembered what he had done but also why he had done it. I said it was very unfair to do that to 'M' as she is just doing her job and he probably made her late all day. He insisted he was only joking and she would know that. I said that I doubted that. She has never seen this side of him before but it was lovely that he is getting his sense of humour back. I said I would apologise to her if necessary but it would be much better if he would. He sulked for a few minutes but then agreed that he would. When 'M' arrived he turned on the charm, apologised profusely and said he would be a 'good boy' and take his pills today, which he did.

 

[JoannePat]

So happy that he was able to remember and to apologise! Bless him 😘

Jxx

 

[DeeCee7]

Great news @Rishie. Well handled. Diplomacy at its best 😏