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Other symptoms

dogdayafternoon

Registered User
Dec 30, 2017
122
I had a bad night last night, started with acid reflux then feeling cold, in the end i wore a heavy dressing gown under the duvet but still feeling cold, waking up every 2 hours to pass water.
Feeling drained I got up 08:45, she was sitting in the small room at the bottom of the stairs and I said I had had a bad night, she looked at me and said that because all the evel things you are doing.
I still offered to make her some breakfast but she refused, I just had tea did not want to risk food.
She is still in a bad mood talking about divorce and finding a little place of her own, I feel a little better so will go out for a couple of hours.
 

dogdayafternoon

Registered User
Dec 30, 2017
122
The last few days have been bad, she does not pick up after I leave her for a couple of hours. Refuses to go out to get shopping say's she will go out by herself but never does.
Last night i tempted her to take some dinner but when i put it down she did not eat it, just then the doorbell rang and it was a policeman, looks like she had called them when i was out, I left him to talk to her and he realised she was not right then he asked to talk to me in the other room but she followed, I told him she had dementia but not diagnosed yet and she got angry.
When I let him out he asked if I needed social services and I said they had been, he also asked how was I managing and I said just about.
Will call the lady from the social services next week as I have had no new appointment for a memory clinic that she said she would get our GP to organise.
She is sitting in the other room as I write this making coments about gay men (do not know where this fixation that I am gay comes from) will go out later for a long drive and get some food to bring in, do not know if she will eat it though.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
972
@dogdayafternoon, hope you get somewhere with social services next week. The policeman will probably also contact them. Mum was given to phoning the police about her neighbours 'stealing' things. They were very good with mum, but did pass it on to social services. Mind you I only knew that as I went through her voice mail messages and got most of a conversation between someone from SS and my mum. Mum couldn't remember phoning the police and told SS she was fine. I phoned SS and said mum has undiagnosed dementia, could they please let me know as well when they contacted her. they were loathe to do so because of client confidentiality etc etc.
 

dogdayafternoon

Registered User
Dec 30, 2017
122
Yesterday went out for three hours and brought in the usual food, she was in a good mood saying she should have come with me, ate dinner went to her room about 8 pm to watch tv.
This morning she was happy, had breakfast then about 10 am noticed she was not so happy and has now deteriorated to sitting in the other room talking of divorce and all those people who were in the house, I shouted through that there were no people but she just got angry shouting I am a lier so it looks like I will be driving down to the local large mall and read in peace for a couple of hours and try returning then to see if she wants to go out.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
111
I am filled with sympathy for you.
I have had the following thoughts.
when I take mum to a medical practitioner I alway write a brief history, and then what we are there for. It saves so much time, and enables much clearer communication I think.
you can buy seat covers, they are for incontince, very simple to pop in the washing machine. I have one called a kylie chair cover, I attach a link to a similar product. Useful for the car.
https://www.nrshealthcare.co.uk/health-aids-personal-care/incontinence-products/bed-chair-protection/chair-pad?fee=19&fep=1254&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIztvtlObY5wIVF-DtCh0Z-gDCEAQYAiABEgJA6PD_BwE#230=2049
I told mum her rings were a little loose. I have put them on a chain round her neck until ‘we can get round to getting them altered’ this has worked surprisingly well. Though she only has three rings. It was getting exhausting having them stolen every week.
 

Marilyn69

New member
Feb 17, 2020
4
My wife will still not go to the doctor and I have noticed some other symptoms she has, gave her a bottle of juice the other day and noticed her hand was shaking as she poured. When we go out she goes to the toilet before we leave but about 90 min later she wants to go again, she is overweight and I suspect diabetes.
Now I have noticed a strong aroma in the car from the seat, I think she is leaking fluid but not urine.
Finally she is sure there are spirits in our house who she can see, she was missing two of her rings last night and would not go to bed until they were found, after searching everywhere found them under pound coins in her purse, this morning she said one ring was missing so again searching, after an hour found it in her handbag.
She was in a very bad mood this morning even after I found the missing ring finally she cheered up and we went out came in and had dinner, she went to lie down then about 21:30 came in the lounge in dressing gown looking for something, I offered to help but she got angry asking who had taken things from the drawer beside the bed, I said I did looking for her ring, I was all empty boxes of night nurse that she uses to sleep so I removed them.
I can hear hear now opening drawers in the bedroom looking for who knows what.
She wants to leave and live on the streets to escape th spirits in the house who are moving her rings, I feel like giving up.
Hi. My mother was the same. I just used to try and distract her. Not easy I know!
 

dogdayafternoon

Registered User
Dec 30, 2017
122
Today started the same, accepted breakfast but quickly got angry, in the end I left at 12:30 returning at 2:30pm but she was still angry I almost went out again but she suddenly said she did not hate me and cheered up.
We went out in the car and i bought what she asked for for dinner, she was now so happy that i foolishly told her that one of her old friends (who she has not been in contact with for over 25 years) son who she always liked had contacted me on facebook saying he would love to see aunty.
She got very excited asking where did he live and where was her old friend living, I tried to explain no addresses on facebook but she carried on asking, almost home she started asking where had I met them, again i tried to explain facebook, finally as we got in the house she started saying it was nice to have seen them here so I said they have not been here and she got very angry saying I was trying to say she was mental and that she had seen them same as those other people last time, I said again there were no people and that was it, she stormed off, no dinner and talking about leaving.
I suppose I will just have to lie in future.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
11,597
South coast
I suppose I will just have to lie in future.
It comes hard when we are used to being truthful, but with dementia they have their own reality - you cant bring them back to yours so you have to enter theirs. If she says that is what happened then in her mind it did and there will be no convincing her.
I got used to telling love lies, but if it helps, think of them as Therapeutic Untruths, which I have also seen them referred to.
 

Vitesse

Registered User
Oct 26, 2016
165
It comes hard when we are used to being truthful, but with dementia they have their own reality - you cant bring them back to yours so you have to enter theirs. If she says that is what happened then in her mind it did and there will be no convincing her.
I got used to telling love lies, but if it helps, think of them as Therapeutic Untruths, which I have also seen them referred to.
This is one of the things I always find difficult. I am so used to sharing everything with my husband that sometimes I will tell him what’s going on, only to find a blank stare or a negativity. it still takes me aback and upsets me, although I should know by now that there is no reaction or support forthcoming.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,638
Kent
Hello @dogdayafternoon

This fluctuating of moods is really difficult because it`s unlikely to be triggered by anything you can pinpoint. You do seem to be managing the moods well but even so it might help to remind the Memory Clinic you are still waiting for an assessment.

Sometimes if it`s thought you are managing relatively well you can be put on the back burner to make room for those who seem in more urgent need.

It doesn`t make it right so perhaps you could let people know how much you really need some support and answers.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
11,597
South coast
I am so used to sharing everything with my husband that sometimes I will tell him what’s going on, only to find a blank stare or a negativity. it still takes me aback and upsets me, although I should know by now that there is no reaction or support forthcoming.
Yes, same here, and I still get caught out too
 

dogdayafternoon

Registered User
Dec 30, 2017
122
Wednesday she refused to go out with me, I brought in some food but she refused to eat.
Thursday the same but she picked up and had dinner.
Friday bad mood, I went out for two hours when I returned still bad mood but late afternoon she picked up, came out in the car, went to go to M&S, she said it was cold so I dropped her near the door and went to park, entering the store saw a crowd of people, she had fallen and had pain in right upper arm.
Called ambulance, by good luck the crowd consisted of a junior doctor, nurse and a phisio and the M&S staff member was an ex A&E nurse, accident was 5:15 ambulance arrived 7:30 in A&E quite fast for X rays but waiting to see a doctor was about 1.7 hrs she was getting angry wanting to go home to sleep, doc advised broken upper right arm and said if she could walk ok she could go home, nurse came to fit sling and gave me codine tablets and tried to get her to slide off the trolly to stand but she started shouting no and her legs just folded, brought in the security guys and a lifting sheet and got her back on the trolly. The doc returned and said they would keep her in, I told her I would leave to pick up the car and return Saturday morning but she wanted me to stay, in the end she got sleepy and I left after telling the doc her dementia was getting worse but he was not really interested said they would get a physio to check her legs so it is now Saturday 2:00 AM and I am going to bed, will go back for 9:00 and see how are things.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
972
Sorry to hear that @dogdayafternoon . I hope your wife has settled when you go back today. Having spent a good chunk of yesterday with mum in a and e it’s not the best place for someone with dementia, though the staff at my local hospital were excellent.
I hope this is all a bit of a blessing in disguise, in that it starts to get you the help you’ve needed for a while, and that the staff on the ward are experienced in looking sfter people with drmentia.
In the meantime don’t forget to look after yourself.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,655
Wednesday she refused to go out with me, I brought in some food but she refused to eat.
Thursday the same but she picked up and had dinner.
Friday bad mood, I went out for two hours when I returned still bad mood but late afternoon she picked up, came out in the car, went to go to M&S, she said it was cold so I dropped her near the door and went to park, entering the store saw a crowd of people, she had fallen and had pain in right upper arm.
Called ambulance, by good luck the crowd consisted of a junior doctor, nurse and a phisio and the M&S staff member was an ex A&E nurse, accident was 5:15 ambulance arrived 7:30 in A&E quite fast for X rays but waiting to see a doctor was about 1.7 hrs she was getting angry wanting to go home to sleep, doc advised broken upper right arm and said if she could walk ok she could go home, nurse came to fit sling and gave me codine tablets and tried to get her to slide off the trolly to stand but she started shouting no and her legs just folded, brought in the security guys and a lifting sheet and got her back on the trolly. The doc returned and said they would keep her in, I told her I would leave to pick up the car and return Saturday morning but she wanted me to stay, in the end she got sleepy and I left after telling the doc her dementia was getting worse but he was not really interested said they would get a physio to check her legs so it is now Saturday 2:00 AM and I am going to bed, will go back for 9:00 and see how are things.
I know it sounds slightly thoughtless of me to say this at this distressing time but - as it was advice said to me when Mum was in hospital I’m going to share it with you.
You need to take this opportunity to rest & recuperate a little. Your wife is in hospital & the routines in place in will assess & assist her needs, she is safe, warn &well looked after.
it’s so hard to do but please try to keep to visiting hours, so a true picture of your wife’s needs are assessed.
My mums hospital admission means we now have the much needed help to keep her at home. It can have positive outcomes but I needed to step back a little to allow the real picture to be assessed.
It was also during this time that friends / family / neighbours actually realised the full impact of this disease. I no longer was trying to explain her needs & health issues!
(((Hugs)))
Catch up on sleep you need to recharge a little.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,605
Chester
I'm sorry to hear your wife is in hospital.

Please try to take on board desperate of devon's advice. And make sure you tell everyone that will listen how your wife is normally as to get the best and most appropriate care they need to understand her 'normal'
 

dogdayafternoon

Registered User
Dec 30, 2017
122
Thanks for all the kind replies, I stayed with her for three hours in the morning and two in the afternoon, I had to leave in the end as it was very draining in the afternoon, when I went in she had removed the sling and I had to get it back on then she needed the toilet but would not stand up but she had in the morning, just seemed not to be trying and wanting to use the hand on the broken arm, she was sluring and saying she wanted to go over there but would not say where and I would say you must stand up first. I called the nurse and two of them put her to bed and she was more relaxed, I tried to leave but she did not want me to go, in the end i said I would return but I will not go untill tomorrow.
Good thing, i explained to the sister that my wife is not diagnosed yetfor dementia and she will try to arrange testing in hospital.
Just going to relax drink some wine and watch TV.