1. wightdancer

    wightdancer Registered User

    Mar 15, 2017
    46
    It is impossible to cope with an agitated, delusional partner, it will make you ill. Two years ago my wife suddenly became extremely angry at certain times of the day blaming and accusing me of all sorts of things. Our doctor prescribed Sertraline tablets and they have been very successful. My dear wife is now calm and happy and although she is slowly losing all reality as her journey progresses at least we can sit quietly holding hands in peace.
     
  2. dogdayafternoon

    dogdayafternoon Registered User

    Dec 30, 2017
    61
    Thanks for the kind replies, my problem is she does not trust doctors and refuses to take any tests or scans.
    She has been very angry in the mornings finally mid afternoon i can get her to go out but yesterday was different she was happy in the morning, accepted breakfast and lunch, we went out ending up in the suoermarket where we bought food for dinner which she ate and went to bed happy.
    Today she awoke angry which she kept up until 1:30pm when she agreed to some lunch but when we went out she was silent just one word answers at about 6pm I asked what she wanted for dinner, she got very angry ( I suspect she can not remember what she likes) I drove closer to home and bought some food I know she likes, when i returned to the car she was in a better mood.
    Went in and cooked dinner which she enjoyed and she remained happy until going to bed.
    The main problem is this tale she keeps telling of people in the house trying to steal her jewelry and that I organised them to get her to leave.
    I actually said to her tonight it was an hallucination a symptom of dementia, I thought she would get very angry but I think she did not understand so it just passed.
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,773
    Female
    South coast
    You are probably right that she cant remember what she likes. Try either not asking and just do something, or if you feel that you have to give her a choice, ask her whether she would like xxx or yyyy - naming two things that you know she likes.

    The delusion that people are stealing things is so tiresome...........
     
  4. dogdayafternoon

    dogdayafternoon Registered User

    Dec 30, 2017
    61
    thanks for that canary but I tried that before with no good result, we have had a strange day today, she accepted breakfast but then got in a bad mood. I arranged a phiso for her tomorrow for her bad leg and she was happy, we went out but it was raining and she got depressed, went to the sea side then to the market town she likes but still raining, I then suggested the mall and she agreed and on the way she cheered up. there was a sale in M&S and we walked round, she picked a skirt and a top which i carried but when we turned round she looked at them as if never seen before and asked me to hold them up against her. Three months ago this would not have happened so she has deteriorated.
    She bought some food in M&S and another plant, we are running out of space to place them, she also picked up three bottles of orange at £1.60 a bottle (I usually get her the ones from Morrisons at £1.50 for four) we went for a coffee and she asked to get orange juice, I said we got some and She said when? Lucky I had put two of them back before buying.
    We can not carry on buying food like this, she has a small pension that she calls her wages but does not contribute any to our bills, on occasion she will say "I am buying this " but usually does not pay.
    All my pension goes on the bills so I have just enough to buy a newspaper and she sits all day in the house and in the car counting ten pound notes then picking them up and starting again but she does not know how much she has, she says it calms her, anyone else had this? If I leave the car and come back she gets upset that she has to stop counting
    At a guess she has about £400 to £500 in her handbag
     
  5. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,773
    Female
    South coast
    If she cant even cope with a choice between two things, then I think that you will have to make the decision for her and dont even ask.

    It sounds to me like your mum is losing the understanding about money, although she still remembers that money is important, she cannot remember the nuts and bolts about how it all works and I think that very soon you are going to have to start taking that over too. I suspect that its the constant counting and sorting that she finds soothing. My mum loved sorting buttons and one of the members on here found her husband loved sorting a pack of cards. I remember the hundreds of pounds in the handbag stage - Im guessing that fairly soon you will be able to substitute fake money for the real stuff so that it doesnt get lost.
     
  6. dogdayafternoon

    dogdayafternoon Registered User

    Dec 30, 2017
    61
    It is getting worse but I still can not get her to go to the GP, her delusion that there were people in the house trying to steal her jewelry comes and goes, when it is strong she is angry at me thinking i let them in.
    Today she refused to go out, when i returned I asked her again if she wanted to go out but she said I was trying to murder her, she had heard something. In the end she came out and she was happy, had dinner went to bed but now I hear her ranting about something or other.
     
  7. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    769
    Female
    cornwall
    Can you not get the GP to do a home visit?
     
  8. dogdayafternoon

    dogdayafternoon Registered User

    Dec 30, 2017
    61
    I have an appointment with our GP next week, what can I say to him about her behavior.
    She was ok yesterday after a bad start but this morning she is ranting about the imagined people who tried to take her rings and that one of them liked me so why don't i go off with her and she can go and find a rich man who will buy her a car.
    The changeable behavior gets me down, she can be normal for a few hours but then behaves like a different person.
    She has some touch up spray for her hair, yesterday she thought it was perfume and sprayed on her neck, I just manged to stop her.
    She is very angry at the moment shouting for me to get out so I will leave her for a couple of hours.
     
  9. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    332
    I haven’t read the entire thread so apologies if you’ve already done this.

    You poor thing your situation is beyond belief and you’ve been let down terribly by your wife’s doctor. I would ring the doctors first thing Monday and explain to the receptionist that you urgently need some immediately for your wife who you strongly believe has dementia and is at risk! That should get an immediate response. If you can’t wait till Monday ring 111.

    You need to insist that your wife has some medication for her anger and her delusions and don’t take no for an answer! Tell the doctor he has a duty of care to you and your wife and you simply can’t go on like this any longer. Tell them about the delusions and the hallucinations.

    You have been treated appallingly. Your wife clearly has symptoms of dementia and needs treatment immediately, you can’t be expected to carry on like this for a moment longer.

    My mum was the same she was given Lorazepam for her aggression and Donepezil for her hallucinations/ delusions. Both improved significantly shortly after starting the medication.

    Good luck x
     
  10. dogdayafternoon

    dogdayafternoon Registered User

    Dec 30, 2017
    61
    Today was very strange, she was almost normal all day just in the evening she had some wine and started talking about interviewing the people in our street about people comming in their houses but then quieted down and went to bed.
    I will still talk to our GP about her in the morning when I see him about a physical problem I have.
    If anyone had seen her today the only thing they would have noticed was she did not know what day it was and would probably thought i was making a fuss about nothing.
     
  11. dogdayafternoon

    dogdayafternoon Registered User

    Dec 30, 2017
    61
    So the GP delt with my problems but when I mentioned my wife his answer was if she is not able to make decisions I should phone SS.
    Today was bad, she had been wanting her hair done at her old hairdresser and had made an appointment for 1:30pm so I reminded her and she did not want to go, I tried but she just got more angry. She refused lunch and did not want to go out so I left her for two hours. when I returned at 3:00pm she was still in dressing gown and shouting at me so I went out again and got something for dinner but when i returned at 5:30pm she was dressed but still angry, I asked if she would like a drink and she said some wine but later said she had not asked for it, in the end she had some garlic bread but nothing else.
    She did not enter the lounge and she is in bed watching her TV, I am just drinking wine hoping tomorrow will be better.
     
  12. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    273
    You have my sympathy. My OH is also moody 'flips' like a light switch! Luckily my GP is very supportive and he is also booked for a 'needs assessment' by social services. Perhaps you should get one for your wife? Think about the support you'd like first, carers coming in, day care or a residential care home.
     
  13. Woohoo

    Woohoo Registered User

    Apr 30, 2019
    380
    Female
    South East
    I feel for you @dogdayafternoon , Shame your Gp wasn’t more helpful . Have you ever called the Admiral Nurse helpline ? I have found them ever so helpful if the past . Hoping today is a better one for you .
     
  14. dogdayafternoon

    dogdayafternoon Registered User

    Dec 30, 2017
    61
    Strange one today, she was quite happy at first in the morning but got angry and refused breakfast and lunch so I went out for two hours. When I returned she was still angry and talking about my sex toy, about two weeks ago she complained of noise after she goes to bed so I bought some earphones to listen to the tv, she seems to think they are for sex and does not remember asking me to cut down noise.
    I left again for two hours and brought some food for dinner, she ate a little bread then went to bed at about 7:15, it is 9:10 now and no noise from her bedroom so I will use the headphones.
    It is almost funny but not
     

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