Hello Elaine , Just wanting to send much Love & Support to you this this Week End & am thinking of you both
Take Care
Lots of Love Grove x x
Take Care
Lots of Love Grove x x
on duty 24 hours a day!
- Thread starter elaine n
- Start date
Hi Elaine
have you got anyone with you over the bank holiday weekend?
I've just buttered 8 doz rolls
weve got a houseful!
but just catching a quiet moment in the office before our visitors return and it becomes their bedroom!
Luv and stuff Sarah
have you got anyone with you over the bank holiday weekend?
I've just buttered 8 doz rolls
weve got a houseful!
but just catching a quiet moment in the office before our visitors return and it becomes their bedroom!
Luv and stuff Sarah
Today was a good visit. I got there later than planned at 11.30 - road works and a diversion!
Gary was pleased to see me and calm, he was with a male nurse who was looking at the photos I'd taken in a few days ago. Gary drank most of a cup of tea, which is an improvement. We sat for a while holding hands, he kissed me and told me he loved me. Another nurse joined us and said he'd eaten some toast for breakfast but that he wouldn't let anyone shave him, he looked very unkempt so I told him his daughter Jane was coming later and how about a shower? He said 'Ok, come on then' the nurse raced to his room to get his toiletries and we took him to a bathroom to shower before he changed his mind!
When I undressed him he was wearing a pad that was very soiled and the nurse said it was an ongoing problem - no one had told me that before, why not? Between us we managed to shower him and wash his hair, even getting some smiles (it was a bit of a pantomime - I was soaked) but I loved it, I love looking after him. We tried to get him to use the loo but he just can't seem to sit down on it, I tried every trick I had, and I've got loads but he couldn't do it. It wasn't a raised seat, apparently they only have one toilet with a raised seat in the unit - WHY?! He has much less problem sitting in a chair so why don't they try using a wheeled commode that is higher and has arms each side? I want to blow a fuse with them but feel I need to keep them onside. It seems such an easy thing to me to address people's problems and needs, I can't understand how they can't see how they could make things easier.
Anyway, Jane arrived just before lunch and he was really pleased to see her, we took him in for his meal, told him we were going to get something to eat and would be back later. When we got back he was becoming agitated and they were struggling to keep him calm, he'd forgotten we were coming back and didn't know where we'd gone, they gave him some Lorazapam and he was fine although it was difficult when we left. I find it hard to leave when he's agitated and even harder when he's not. After visits like this I feel I could cope with him at home and manage his problems with more understanding than he's getting at the moment
Gary was pleased to see me and calm, he was with a male nurse who was looking at the photos I'd taken in a few days ago. Gary drank most of a cup of tea, which is an improvement. We sat for a while holding hands, he kissed me and told me he loved me. Another nurse joined us and said he'd eaten some toast for breakfast but that he wouldn't let anyone shave him, he looked very unkempt so I told him his daughter Jane was coming later and how about a shower? He said 'Ok, come on then' the nurse raced to his room to get his toiletries and we took him to a bathroom to shower before he changed his mind!
When I undressed him he was wearing a pad that was very soiled and the nurse said it was an ongoing problem - no one had told me that before, why not? Between us we managed to shower him and wash his hair, even getting some smiles (it was a bit of a pantomime - I was soaked) but I loved it, I love looking after him. We tried to get him to use the loo but he just can't seem to sit down on it, I tried every trick I had, and I've got loads but he couldn't do it. It wasn't a raised seat, apparently they only have one toilet with a raised seat in the unit - WHY?! He has much less problem sitting in a chair so why don't they try using a wheeled commode that is higher and has arms each side? I want to blow a fuse with them but feel I need to keep them onside. It seems such an easy thing to me to address people's problems and needs, I can't understand how they can't see how they could make things easier.
Anyway, Jane arrived just before lunch and he was really pleased to see her, we took him in for his meal, told him we were going to get something to eat and would be back later. When we got back he was becoming agitated and they were struggling to keep him calm, he'd forgotten we were coming back and didn't know where we'd gone, they gave him some Lorazapam and he was fine although it was difficult when we left. I find it hard to leave when he's agitated and even harder when he's not. After visits like this I feel I could cope with him at home and manage his problems with more understanding than he's getting at the moment
Oh Elaine, I keep re writing my responses but nothing is right. Please give it time and remember that your caring is 24 hrs with little help. Please consider it only if you can get complete support.
You are important too. Best wishes
Elaine - would/could it help you and Gary if you were able to write a careplan for him, as you know and understand better than anybody. The staff may welcome it, I would have if he was a patient of mine, so that they can understand a bit better. Maybe ask if you could go through careplan with named nurse (if he has one). Don't know if this would help but just a suggestion. Thinking of you. Suex
I will Jan, I know we couldn't get the care package we need at home as he is at the moment but......some of the issues are so basic, i can't understand why they can't see this. I suppose it's because their background is nursing and mine's OT. I'm an enabler and their's is nursing care
I can understand your frustration, Elaine.
Some things are so logical, aren't they, you wonder why others can't just see the solutions.
I've noticed a few things in Mum's home like that and I intend to address them at the meeting to be held in a fortnight or so.
I will put them in writing, I find that it's harder to ignore things in writing.
Sue J's idea of a care plan is excellent. Do you think it would work for you?
Thinking of you,
Maggie
Some things are so logical, aren't they, you wonder why others can't just see the solutions.
I've noticed a few things in Mum's home like that and I intend to address them at the meeting to be held in a fortnight or so.
I will put them in writing, I find that it's harder to ignore things in writing.
Sue J's idea of a care plan is excellent. Do you think it would work for you?
Thinking of you,
Maggie
Elaine
Small steps at a time. Your visit had its ups and downs, but maybe this is to be expected at this moment. Everyone at the hospital, will be getting to know Gary, finding how his moods are and how he can easily change.
A care plan of yours would certainly help. It must be hard for all concerned in his well being. It will take time, patients to get it right.
I suppose its differant being at home with you, one to one care.
They have others who need the same amount of care with him. But he is your's. Its good you can help him with showers etc.
Please give it time.
Love Sonia xxxxx
Small steps at a time. Your visit had its ups and downs, but maybe this is to be expected at this moment. Everyone at the hospital, will be getting to know Gary, finding how his moods are and how he can easily change.
A care plan of yours would certainly help. It must be hard for all concerned in his well being. It will take time, patients to get it right.
I suppose its differant being at home with you, one to one care.
They have others who need the same amount of care with him. But he is your's. Its good you can help him with showers etc.
Please give it time.
Love Sonia xxxxx
Just popping in to say good morning
I think you are coping wonderfully with everything.Lots of good suggestions given to you Elaine on here.
I love Sarahs quote, " Elaine, the Enabler ",sounds like the title of an epic film
I think you are coping wonderfully with everything.Lots of good suggestions given to you Elaine on here.
I love Sarahs quote, " Elaine, the Enabler ",sounds like the title of an epic film
I'm glad you had a better visit yesterday Elaine and that you succeeded with Gary's personal care. Your love for him really shines through in your posts.
I'm sorry that you are feeling frustrated with some of the care in the unit, especially when some improvements don't sound so very hard to achieve. I hope you can get them to see your point of view.
It's a very big task to look after Gary 24 hours seven days a week. I think it was Helen who listed all the staff assigned to the task in an ideal world. Someone used to point that list out to me when I longed to bring my mum back home with me, and she had no challenging behaviour.
Just take one day at a time, Elaine. You are doing wonders, but however hard, try to be realistic about what might happen if Gary came home. You are important and need to understand this. x
I'm sorry that you are feeling frustrated with some of the care in the unit, especially when some improvements don't sound so very hard to achieve. I hope you can get them to see your point of view.
It's a very big task to look after Gary 24 hours seven days a week. I think it was Helen who listed all the staff assigned to the task in an ideal world. Someone used to point that list out to me when I longed to bring my mum back home with me, and she had no challenging behaviour.
Just take one day at a time, Elaine. You are doing wonders, but however hard, try to be realistic about what might happen if Gary came home. You are important and need to understand this.
xI'd missed Sue's post, I didn't realise I could write a care plan, I thiught they did that, not sure where i'd begin with it or how to do it.
Today I wrote a list of all the things I was struggling with when Gary was at home to help me get things in perpective and to remind myself how difficult things really were. Now he's not here the last few weeks seem a bit unreal and it's easy to kid myself it wasn't so bad, especially now I've had some sleep
Today I wrote a list of all the things I was struggling with when Gary was at home to help me get things in perpective and to remind myself how difficult things really were. Now he's not here the last few weeks seem a bit unreal and it's easy to kid myself it wasn't so bad, especially now I've had some sleep
Hi Elaine,
It's not usually the relatives that write care plan but in cases of dementia I firmly believe the relatives should be heavily involved. I would ask to speak to a named nurse - Gary should have one - and ask for some private time (not where Gary will be able to see you) where you can go through his careplan (which the namend nurse should be responsible for) and you can then comment on all of the things and ways you know how best to handle Gary. If they are unable to do this for any reason (I know inmy experience some would say staffing levels wouldn't allow - no excuse in my mind - but it depends on the place) I would ask for a blank care plan to take away and write your own.
I'm not up anymore on what they're like and different hospitals will have different formats but essentially it's a document that's divided into different sections according to different needs e.g. Dietary needs, toileting needs etc your input is invaluable to them and you should be able to see how they have assessed his need.
To say you must be emotionally shattered is I know an understatement and I wondered to if this might still be too much for you at this stage whilst you're still raw from it all, so give yourself time too.
Take care
Love
Sue
x
Hello All - no advice new to this stuff. The careplan sound like a brilliant idea - as Sue said, if you get to talk it over, between you and them, you might come up with something that works most of the time (moods and what works changes constantly here). I am looking after my mum, cannot (or probably don't won't to), percieve if the person I was looking after was my partner. You are amazing. Needed to thank you for the tip about the dogs - have been at work, and being a carer, not been able to log on. I am pleased I am still able to work, (due to giving up half my salary to a day centre in the area, that specialises), but the lack of sleep and time is no fun. I too have not got the sewing machine out in a while - miss it, it is such good therapy. When mum naps in the middle of the day (which is not very often) I try to make little things by hand & fabric that does not need any finishing. When she wakes it is a bit of scrabble to all sharp objects put away.
Thinking of you and everyone else on this forum. Lots of love.
Thinking of you and everyone else on this forum. Lots of love.
I often get to speak to the namsed nurse on the phone Sue, she's told me that the level of vistits Gary gets is unusually high for that unit . I asked her on Thusday if they'd checked for a UTI when she'd said Gary had lashed out at a member of staff when they'd tried to bath him (they had) because his daughter was driving for more than 4 hours to visit on Friday and I didn't want her to have a wasted journey, then I said 'I expect I sound like an over-anxious mother' she said 'You do actually' so I pointed out how hard it was to hand over care to someone else. I haven't spoken to her since.
Rose, I'm glad the tip about the dogs was helpful, I don't seem to be much use to anyone at the moment
. I asked her on Thusday if they'd checked for a UTI when she'd said Gary had lashed out at a member of staff when they'd tried to bath him (they had) because his daughter was driving for more than 4 hours to visit on Friday and I didn't want her to have a wasted journey, then I said 'I expect I sound like an over-anxious mother' she said 'You do actually' so I pointed out how hard it was to hand over care to someone else. I haven't spoken to her since.Rose, I'm glad the tip about the dogs was helpful, I don't seem to be much use to anyone at the moment
I often get to speak to the namsed nurse on the phone Sue, she's told me that the level of vistits Gary gets is unusually high for that unit
Rose, I'm glad the tip about the dogs was helpful, I don't seem to be much use to anyone at the moment
Elaine, yes it is very difficult to hand over care to another, especially given what you've been through and knowing that noone 'knows' the right answers. An over anxious mother is a normal mother until she is reassured that whoever is looking after her baby is able to do so properly and that the baby is settled. You've not yet had long enough to be reassured so I don't think you're being over anxious at all - just normal! I think it gives an ideal opportunity to speak about the care plan so you can discuss your concerns, then you can say then I'd feel a lot happier. Please don't be put off by her attitude or her comments. If they felt that the 'level' of visits are detrimental in any way in their assessment they should discuss that with you at a review meeting. YOU do matter too - and it's not about being use to people it's about being there and you are. Hope you do something nice over the rest of the w/e.
Sue
x
I have been following this Elaine and no matter how I try I can't find the right words, I still can't.
Not much use to anyone, I am so sad that you feel like this, I do wish I could help. Maybe I could if I lived closer.
To me, you are doing all you can, you care so much for Gary, your love shines through Elaine. You are here, you are fighting to survive. Just being here and keeping it together the best you can means so much to your friends here.
I'm not expressing very well what I want to say, I hope you understand some of this.
I think of you every day. xxx
Thanks Sue and Chris
I'm going out with my cousin tomorrow for the day, it will be nice to have a diversion, not so much time to think. I'll take my camera Chris, promise!
I'm going out with my cousin tomorrow for the day, it will be nice to have a diversion, not so much time to think. I'll take my camera Chris, promise!
Yes!!! You MUST take your camera!!! Looking forward to some grrreat photos!
Have a lovely day!!
Have a lovely day!!
