Well its now Sunday morning and mum is still in this loop of wanting to go out/home, she has become a 'hoodie' coat on hood up handbag on shoulder all day announcing that she's ready and what are we going to do. We went to our local street market yesterday and then for coffee at her favourite coffee house, the questions and chatter just have not stopped, a lady sat at our table with her bowl of soup and was very chatty, but mum kept asking her if she could try her soup! It was tomato and basil and I know mum does not like basil so no point getting one. I helped her to bed last night at 10pm, Wishing she had gone sooner because I was so tired, but going to bed earlier would mean she would have been up around midnight, caught between the devil and the deep blue sea!! Not much wandering last night, but she has been up since 5am.
Oh brother
- Thread starter Tin
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Oh boy, Tin - you must be dead on your feet 
I know there are nights when I wish I could let Mil go to bed well before 10pm, but like you, I know that will mean a disturbed night to follow - devil and deep blue sea, as you say I hope she runs out of steam for you soon, so you can have a bit of a break. I've been lucky, with relative calm here since Tuesday - however, there were signs last night that the agitation was returning, along with the more upsetting delusions, so I am dreading her getting up today, as I suspect we are in for it
I know there are nights when I wish I could let Mil go to bed well before 10pm, but like you, I know that will mean a disturbed night to follow - devil and deep blue sea, as you say I hope she runs out of steam for you soon, so you can have a bit of a break. I've been lucky, with relative calm here since Tuesday - however, there were signs last night that the agitation was returning, along with the more upsetting delusions, so I am dreading her getting up today, as I suspect we are in for it Morning Ann, just caught up on your bizarre thread. Think mum is slowing down still wandering around the house and sometimes she stops still and stares at the tv, makes a comment about whats on and then off she goes. Can't get her to take coat off and I'm sure this is the cause for her wandering, just took her out in car for a quick drive around and all she wanted was to get back home because its raining, but she has been in and out of house all morning with the rain. At least I am able to sit down and just watch now, I hate when she wanders outside don't have a very even path and when wet it can get slippy, ok on the grass though.
Hope the coat comes off soon, for you, Tin xxx
Mil has just got up, and I think our calm is at an end, sadly Breakfast gobbled down, and she was most concerned where 'Marie' was - apparently 'Marie' is one of the 'other girls' who live here? I tried to gently ask if she remembered how she knows me, and as she obviously hadn't a clue as to how we are connected, I reminded her I was her daughter in law. I got the 'Nobody told me that' response, and she is very frosty, very distant and formal with me, and has insisted on going back to her bedroom - 'I don't want to sit down here with you' she informed me She is starting an additional day at day care tomorrow, so I really want to get her into the bath today (She had one yesterday, but I know she will be too tired after day care tomorrow and Tuesday for a bath when she comes home, and I don't want to leave her without one till Wednesday) and I am wondering what my chances are? Slim to none, I think, given her attitude - I'll just have to give it half an hour, and then see how it goes!
Mil has just got up, and I think our calm is at an end, sadly
Breakfast gobbled down, and she was most concerned where 'Marie' was - apparently 'Marie' is one of the 'other girls' who live here? I tried to gently ask if she remembered how she knows me, and as she obviously hadn't a clue as to how we are connected, I reminded her I was her daughter in law. I got the 'Nobody told me that' response, and she is very frosty, very distant and formal with me, and has insisted on going back to her bedroom - 'I don't want to sit down here with you' she informed me She is starting an additional day at day care tomorrow, so I really want to get her into the bath today (She had one yesterday, but I know she will be too tired after day care tomorrow and Tuesday for a bath when she comes home, and I don't want to leave her without one till Wednesday) and I am wondering what my chances are? Slim to none, I think, given her attitude - I'll just have to give it half an hour, and then see how it goes!Mum finally took her hooded coat off around midday on Sunday and started to calm/slow down. Good day and night sunday and Monday, but last night a bit up and down, laughing, tucking in the dog until midnight. Out for an hour this morning and now back she thinks we are at work and wants to go home, coat is back on and afraid she is wandering around the house with the usual 'right, what can I do now' all kinds of chatter all basically about being ready to go or what needs doing in the house. Again its a horrible day, she did not want to go to Memory café said they are all old people and something wrong with them, she is becoming very agitated about everything! so can only guess what rest of day will be like.
I'm glad you got a short bit of respite at least Tin, I've not long posted that we have had a great week with Mil - and OH, it was so nice to be able to say that! No extreme agitation, very little by way of sundowning, some fanatastic delusions - but none that have upset her I really hope your Mum calms, and you get some respite too!
Having said that, she has got up (for the second time) and wanted to know if I have a car, and on finding that I have, has asked me to take her to 'Pennywell' (In Ireland) so she can visit her Mum. I reminded her that we are in Wales, and at first she couldn't grasp why that meant I couldn't pop her in the car and jaunt off across the Irish sea - then it dawned on her that she is 73, which led to tears that 'all her family are dead'. She is currently distracted with toast and porridge, and I'm hoping that a bath and cuppa after that will keep her distracted!
I really hope your Mum calms, and you get some respite too!Having said that, she has got up (for the second time) and wanted to know if I have a car, and on finding that I have, has asked me to take her to 'Pennywell' (In Ireland) so she can visit her Mum. I reminded her that we are in Wales, and at first she couldn't grasp why that meant I couldn't pop her in the car and jaunt off across the Irish sea - then it dawned on her that she is 73, which led to tears that 'all her family are dead'. She is currently distracted with toast and porridge, and I'm hoping that a bath and cuppa after that will keep her distracted!
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Ah the bath, hoping to do this tonight, on sunday discovered that mum can actually sit in a bath. She did something last Wednesday that made me think this little lady is not as frail as I thought, so we tried without the horrible plastic seat. She was able to seat down and have a good soak and wash herself, now on the search for something padded to sit on with back support. Hope your day goes ok, just posted on your thread!
Hi Tin, just a thought - posting a link to the seat we got for Mil - its one we can use with other adaptations (like a ceiling hoist) if necessary, later - it means she can sit in the bath, have a good soak, and no danger of falls. And at the moment, its just under £200 if you apply the VAT exemption - all that involves is filling in a one page tick list and giving details at the ableworld shops. It makes a heck of a difference
http://www.ableworld.co.uk/products/6012/bellavita-bath-lift/?search_id=48494
http://www.ableworld.co.uk/products/6012/bellavita-bath-lift/?search_id=48494
Thanks Ann, just checked it out, it looks ideal and not a bad price, does the seat go up and down? does it go quite low to bottom of bath? Almost sure I am going to order one, no point hanging around and it looks like you have done all the research required.
Hi Tin,
Yes - it raises up and down. Raised up to the level of the top of the bath, the flaps on either side rest on the sides. It has 4 suction cups that fit it very securely to the bottom of the bath, and its very steady. Mil is only little, so we bought a portable, non slip 'step' which Mil stands on, with her back to the seat - this allows her to sit down, with her bottom well onto the seat itself. Once she is on it, I simply lift her legs up, over the sides and into the bath - we fitted a grab rail on the wall side of the bath, because although there is no way she can fall when on the seat, it just adds to her feeling secure. It lowers slowly, and when its fully down, the back rest tilts back - not flat, but to a comfortable angle. When down, her bottom is still around 4 inches off the actual bottom of the bath, but its low enough for her to be fully submerged into the water. Its rechargable battery powered, with the battery in a detachable control unit, really simple to charge and use - we powered it up for about 6 hours first time we used it, and we recharge every second use now for about 1 hour. Its possible to fit a waist strap, if needed, and its also possible to lower someone onto it with a hoist - so its hopefully going to be useable long term. Once she is out, I lower it again, give it a spray down with bathroom cleaner, and wipe, detach the battery, and the back lifts off first, then just lift the base, and take it out. Its not that heavy, so its easy to put together and take apart, and lift in and out. For us, its ideal at the moment, and looks like it will be even with the probably future mobility decline. I was pleasantly surprised at the price, fully expecting something like that to cost over £400 - its already been well worth the money
Yes - it raises up and down. Raised up to the level of the top of the bath, the flaps on either side rest on the sides. It has 4 suction cups that fit it very securely to the bottom of the bath, and its very steady. Mil is only little, so we bought a portable, non slip 'step' which Mil stands on, with her back to the seat - this allows her to sit down, with her bottom well onto the seat itself. Once she is on it, I simply lift her legs up, over the sides and into the bath - we fitted a grab rail on the wall side of the bath, because although there is no way she can fall when on the seat, it just adds to her feeling secure. It lowers slowly, and when its fully down, the back rest tilts back - not flat, but to a comfortable angle. When down, her bottom is still around 4 inches off the actual bottom of the bath, but its low enough for her to be fully submerged into the water. Its rechargable battery powered, with the battery in a detachable control unit, really simple to charge and use - we powered it up for about 6 hours first time we used it, and we recharge every second use now for about 1 hour. Its possible to fit a waist strap, if needed, and its also possible to lower someone onto it with a hoist - so its hopefully going to be useable long term
. Once she is out, I lower it again, give it a spray down with bathroom cleaner, and wipe, detach the battery, and the back lifts off first, then just lift the base, and take it out. Its not that heavy, so its easy to put together and take apart, and lift in and out. For us, its ideal at the moment, and looks like it will be even with the probably future mobility decline. I was pleasantly surprised at the price, fully expecting something like that to cost over £400 - its already been well worth the money
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Hello Tin
Have you tried looking at your local council web pages ? www xxxx council.gov.uk
then type in the search box 'equipment services'.
This should list the things available for disabled people.... or direct you to another service who
can supply you with bathroom equipment.
It might mean having an Occupational Therapy Assessment (more assessments !!) ,
but if you need items for personal bathing they should be provided free.
Have you tried looking at your local council web pages ? www xxxx council.gov.uk
then type in the search box 'equipment services'.
This should list the things available for disabled people.... or direct you to another service who
can supply you with bathroom equipment.
It might mean having an Occupational Therapy Assessment (more assessments !!) ,
but if you need items for personal bathing they should be provided free.
Grace, I've sadly been down this route, and a word of warning - an OT came out, assessed Mil and was adamant that she needed a wet room, and that she would qualify for a grant. Several weeks of more appointments and meetings and paperwork, and they finally said Yes - she could have a grant - but because she has a private pension, she would be expected to pay the first £7000 of any cost ! Just want to warn people to make sure they don't fall into the same trap of wasting several weeks of their time and energy, on pursuing help that isn't actually there
Hhummm...
In my case (I'm a widow now) , VaD husband had a stroke, and before he was discharged from hospital
he had a home assessment from the HOSPITAL Physio and OT teams.
The bathroom equipment they assessed him as needing was supplied from the hospital 'warehouse/equipment' stores .... on the hospital premises.
(The warehouse manager, told me the council share the same storage facility).
Hospital equipment services (I'm told), have a different budget from Social Services equipment services.
SS don't like giving things out, but Hospitals do as it prevents patients from 'bed blocking'.
MiL must qualify for an individual item equipment grant ... for your bath lift...
I wonder if its worth having a word with your mental heath nurse ( at doctors surgery) ...
Nurses are useful for all kinds of information..... So is the District Nurse.
You need to say something like .... 'essential for MiL's wellbeing'....
Its a case of knowing the right words to qualify for grants points scoring.
In my case (I'm a widow now) , VaD husband had a stroke, and before he was discharged from hospital
he had a home assessment from the HOSPITAL Physio and OT teams.
The bathroom equipment they assessed him as needing was supplied from the hospital 'warehouse/equipment' stores .... on the hospital premises.
(The warehouse manager, told me the council share the same storage facility).
Hospital equipment services (I'm told), have a different budget from Social Services equipment services.
SS don't like giving things out, but Hospitals do as it prevents patients from 'bed blocking'.
MiL must qualify for an individual item equipment grant ... for your bath lift...
I wonder if its worth having a word with your mental heath nurse ( at doctors surgery) ...
Nurses are useful for all kinds of information..... So is the District Nurse.
You need to say something like .... 'essential for MiL's wellbeing'....
Its a case of knowing the right words to qualify for grants points scoring.
Hi Grace, like Ann I have spent a little time on that road. At each stage I have asked for what mum needs, not what they want to give her and we keep coming back to the same thing they come out and assess her and still they think she is fine with a simple seat, because she still has mobility or they suggest a wet room. I have been told that British Red Cross could have more choice. Everything takes time and I'd rather have something in place now. Who knows, mums mobility could be different next week.
I have been very naughty though, because Christmas is almost here, I have asked my family if they would like to contribute to the 'pot' to cover the cost. These days it is difficult for them to buy suitable presents for her, and I have bought enough little things to wrap that will amuse, They all seem to agree with me so hopefully cheques will flood in!
I have been very naughty though, because Christmas is almost here, I have asked my family if they would like to contribute to the 'pot' to cover the cost. These days it is difficult for them to buy suitable presents for her, and I have bought enough little things to wrap that will amuse, They all seem to agree with me so hopefully cheques will flood in!
Bad, bad night. Mum started wandering to and from locked front door about 9pm last night, tried to stop by taking her for a drive around the village, but no good, full flow by midnight with endless chatter and demands. It's now almost midday and shes still going. Front door is still locked, its cold and icy here and mum is still in her pj's. Its been just over 2 weeks since her last episode and I am beginning to think there is a pattern here. If I interrupt her milder afternoon sundowning by taking her out, it seems that all I'm doing is just 'pressing the pause button' and then what follows is this awful evening episode. She must be getting tired, god knows where this small 81 year old woman gets all this energy.
Oh Tin - poor you, hun
Have you tried the meds - I think you said you have lorazepan for occasional use (apologies if I have that wrong x). Mils record was 22 hours straight without sleep - then she had a 3 hour kip, and was off again for another 14 hours, before she finally slept for 7 or 8 hours. I was nearly in tears at the end of the first 22, I was so tired - like you, I just couldn't figure out how on earth she kept going I have fingers crossed that she rests for you soon, so you can get a break too, hun xxxx
I don't know whether to give her half mg Lorazapam, it has started to have a weird effect on her, think I might have to though because she seems to be getting worse. I unlocked door for a few hours this afternoon and as usual she was in and out, knocking on her bedroom window, now its dark and really windy so locked up again. Going to give half mg. will post soon.