Some thing new, she has always said she has psychic powers, the last three nights she has gone to bed then after about 30 minutes she appears at the lounge door asking if I am alone, there are only the two of us in the house. I ask who she thinks is here and she replies her mother (who passed about 20 years ago and they did not get on), I said if I saw her mother I would scream and there are only us, she said she has not been here long and I replied almost four years and she replied not me.
Not Sure
- Thread starter dogdayafternoon
- Start date
Today at lunchtime she entered the lounge standing above me she asked "where is my husband" I thought she was joking and so I said I am here, she then started saying are you real I thought you were my mother and you were gone, after she calmed down we had lunch, she had an appointment with her chiropractor at 3:30pm but about 02:00pm she went out the door unaided which is unusual at present with her bad leg, i followed and asked if she wanted to leave now and she said yes in a bad mood. We drove to the town and parked up and i said we are early so I will drive to the door later and she replied i am not going I do not need this so I did not argue, tonight at 08:00pm she asked why did she miss her appointment
I made a new appointment with the chiropractor and she went today, she was in a bad mood all day. When I went to collect her she was cheerful in the office but angry again in the car, this mood lasted all night, she went to bed at o8:30pm still in a bad mood, about 30 minutes later she appeared at the lounge door in a good mood, very sweet asking "where is she" again I told her there is only the two of us in the house she then said she had not seen the chiropractor today I told her she had but she could not remember. I think she is going downhill fast and I do not know how to get the GP to engage. She has still not been tested, the GP has only arranged for a hip X ray.
My sympathies are with you because I have very odd conversations over and over again about items that have been forgotten after a very short time. I don’t have the contradictory mood swings to deal with though which must be so frustrating. Getting the tone of the reply is sometimes difficult and you need the patience of a saint to deal with it. I don’t always measure up to that.
This has been a bad day, breakfast was ok but later she got in a bad mood saying that she had leg problems because of the people who came to our house and I must be in it with them, when i tried to ask which people she got very angry shouting at me saying "do not challenge me".
In the end I went out and got some shopping, when I returned she opened the door asking why had I returned so I left again returning at 06:00pm but she was still angry again talking about getting police in about these people, I lost it then saying I want the police if there have been people I do not know in the house, she got angry again saying do you think I am mad.
She went to bed at 08:00 returning 30 minutes later asking do we still own our old house, I asked which house and mentioned an address but she got angry and left, do not know where this is going.
In the end I went out and got some shopping, when I returned she opened the door asking why had I returned so I left again returning at 06:00pm but she was still angry again talking about getting police in about these people, I lost it then saying I want the police if there have been people I do not know in the house, she got angry again saying do you think I am mad.
She went to bed at 08:00 returning 30 minutes later asking do we still own our old house, I asked which house and mentioned an address but she got angry and left, do not know where this is going.
Complete change today, started bad but about 01:00pm I got her to accept some lunch by 2:00pm she accepted going out in our car, we went for a long drive then got out at the shops saying her leg felt ok and bought dinner, she was happy on the way home and remained happy up to going to bed.
I wait to see what tomorrow brings, some times it feels like juggling nitro
I wait to see what tomorrow brings, some times it feels like juggling nitro
Hi...long may it last for you ....but we just never know do we ...savour the moment
It has been not too bad for a few days but today went backwards, not too bad at first before getting her shower at about 12:00 I talked about lunch and she was happy about what I suggested.
After her shower she was sitting in the small front room muttering about me and her life, I asked if she wanted lunch and just got abuse so I gave up and left returning after an hour to see if she had cheered up but no started talking about the people who had come in our house and made her ill or was it me giving her drugs so I left again returning at 06:00pm bought pizza that she likes but not today, made herself a ham sandwich and has gone to bed.
She has sleep problems and self medicates on night nurse often asking me to buy them, I checked in her drawer by the bed and found about 10 empty boxes, also last week I bought some Ibuprofen tablets, two boxes of 16 and they have gone from where I left them, I think if she gets some pain she just takes what she finds and forgets what she has taken that is maybe why she was talking about pain in her right side.
After her shower she was sitting in the small front room muttering about me and her life, I asked if she wanted lunch and just got abuse so I gave up and left returning after an hour to see if she had cheered up but no started talking about the people who had come in our house and made her ill or was it me giving her drugs so I left again returning at 06:00pm bought pizza that she likes but not today, made herself a ham sandwich and has gone to bed.
She has sleep problems and self medicates on night nurse often asking me to buy them, I checked in her drawer by the bed and found about 10 empty boxes, also last week I bought some Ibuprofen tablets, two boxes of 16 and they have gone from where I left them, I think if she gets some pain she just takes what she finds and forgets what she has taken that is maybe why she was talking about pain in her right side.
Today was her birthday, as I came downstairs i could smell her showergel, she never showers before 11am or noon so I thought she wants to go out but no she was in a bad mood telling me to get out and go with the woman she has seen in the house, when i say there is no woman she shouts at me to shut up.
Later I ask if she wants some lunch and she agrees but when it's ready she refuses it, in the end I go out for 90 minutes, when I return and ask her to go out she calls me a control freak so I go out again for three hours and buy some food for dinner.
When I return she is in a better mood and has some dinner, she slowly gets more cheerful going off to bed at 21:00 but soon come back in a bad mood looking for her tablets, I can hear her now ranting and raving about her lot, she wants a new man who will buy her a car.
I am thinking of leaving to force some intervention.
Later I ask if she wants some lunch and she agrees but when it's ready she refuses it, in the end I go out for 90 minutes, when I return and ask her to go out she calls me a control freak so I go out again for three hours and buy some food for dinner.
When I return she is in a better mood and has some dinner, she slowly gets more cheerful going off to bed at 21:00 but soon come back in a bad mood looking for her tablets, I can hear her now ranting and raving about her lot, she wants a new man who will buy her a car.
I am thinking of leaving to force some intervention.
Im so sorry @dogdayafternoon Birthdays, Christmas and anniversaries always seem worse because the deterioration becomes so much more obvious.
((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
hi @dogdayafternoon
I hope you got some sleep last night
any 'special days' do seem to highlight the changes we've experienced as they bring to mind the happy celebrations of past times
I am worried about your closing comment
please go chat with your GP and tell them that you are at carer breakdown and seriously considering leaving as you need a break to look to your own health and welfare - if you can't go to an appointment do e-mail or write a letter, and say you must have a reply, or ask for a phone consultation
same with your Local Adult Services - tell them you are at carer breakdown which will put both your wife and yourself 'at risk' of harm due to neglect, especially if you walk out, which means you are both 'vulnerable adults' for who the LA have 'the duty of care'
I appreciate this won't be easy to do - you do need to get some support
don't forget there's the AS helpline with folk ready to listen and able to help
0300 222 1122
Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm
Admiral Nurses are there to support carers
https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/admiral-nursing/
and AgeUK
https://www.ageuk.org.uk/services/age-uk-advice-line/#
and keep posting here
best wishes
I hope you got some sleep last night
any 'special days' do seem to highlight the changes we've experienced as they bring to mind the happy celebrations of past times
I am worried about your closing comment
please go chat with your GP and tell them that you are at carer breakdown and seriously considering leaving as you need a break to look to your own health and welfare - if you can't go to an appointment do e-mail or write a letter, and say you must have a reply, or ask for a phone consultation
same with your Local Adult Services - tell them you are at carer breakdown which will put both your wife and yourself 'at risk' of harm due to neglect, especially if you walk out, which means you are both 'vulnerable adults' for who the LA have 'the duty of care'
I appreciate this won't be easy to do - you do need to get some support
don't forget there's the AS helpline with folk ready to listen and able to help
0300 222 1122
Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm
Admiral Nurses are there to support carers
https://www.dementiauk.org/get-support/admiral-nursing/
and AgeUK
https://www.ageuk.org.uk/services/age-uk-advice-line/#
and keep posting here
best wishes
I do not mean to leave just a bad thought at a bad time, next year will be our golden wedding but she was talking about divorce again today, then she got happier at 06:00pm and we had dinner, she was in a good mood until she went to bed a 9pm then she started muttering again, loud enough for me to hear.
Will see what tomorrow brings
Will see what tomorrow brings
Bad two days, yesterday she was screaming at me that I had let her parents into the house, I said they are spirits now for many years and I can not see them so how can I let them in.
This made her worse screaming not to tell her about spirits, she is the only one who knows.
I went out and came back after an hour only to be screamed at again so I left again returning about 6pm, she just left the room, i offered to make some dinner but she refused.
This morning she started screaming at me again, I was almost ready to get out again when in her hysteria she tripped in the hall and fell on some storage box's so not injured but unable to get up, so call 999 and the crew lift her with some electric chair, she is nice to them but nasty with me as soon as they leave.
I am about to go out but have one last try and ask her to come out with me to the mall and she agrees, she suddenly cheers up, in the mall we have tea and she complains about pain in her leg and I say that is with falling and she replies when did I fall, anyway we had a nice time, came home had dinner and now she has gone to bed happy, I hope tomorrow is good.
This made her worse screaming not to tell her about spirits, she is the only one who knows.
I went out and came back after an hour only to be screamed at again so I left again returning about 6pm, she just left the room, i offered to make some dinner but she refused.
This morning she started screaming at me again, I was almost ready to get out again when in her hysteria she tripped in the hall and fell on some storage box's so not injured but unable to get up, so call 999 and the crew lift her with some electric chair, she is nice to them but nasty with me as soon as they leave.
I am about to go out but have one last try and ask her to come out with me to the mall and she agrees, she suddenly cheers up, in the mall we have tea and she complains about pain in her leg and I say that is with falling and she replies when did I fall, anyway we had a nice time, came home had dinner and now she has gone to bed happy, I hope tomorrow is good.
hi @dogdayafternoon
not having a good time with my dad either - so I heartily concur, I hope tomorrow is good too
not having a good time with my dad either - so I heartily concur, I hope tomorrow is good too
Just one thing I forgot to add, when she was screaming she said if anyone talked down to her again there were plenty of sharp knives in the kitchen.
Today she has been reasonable up and down but no extremes
Today she has been reasonable up and down but no extremes
Yesterday was bad, total verbal abuse all day, I went out for a while and on return managed to get her to come out in the car, got some things for dinner, she ate some at 8pm and went to bed still upset.
This morning she asked why was I there, turns out she thought she was my daughter, she got over this and went back to abuse then about 1pm she went back to reasonable, I made lunch and we went out shopping returned home and I made dinner, she was talking ok about things from a few days ago.
I just do not understand how she can remember things from a few days ago but when she wants her gold bracelet and i find it in her handbag show it to her and she asks me to put it in the handbag and 30 seconds later she asks where is the bracelet.
So she has gone to bed happy tomorrow who knows.
Just to point out she has always been changeable for fifty years you could never make arrangements one day in advance this is why i call this "not sure" only this very short term memory and the abuse are the recent things, I have been some sort of carer for at least thirty years and feel worn down.
This morning she asked why was I there, turns out she thought she was my daughter, she got over this and went back to abuse then about 1pm she went back to reasonable, I made lunch and we went out shopping returned home and I made dinner, she was talking ok about things from a few days ago.
I just do not understand how she can remember things from a few days ago but when she wants her gold bracelet and i find it in her handbag show it to her and she asks me to put it in the handbag and 30 seconds later she asks where is the bracelet.
So she has gone to bed happy tomorrow who knows.
Just to point out she has always been changeable for fifty years you could never make arrangements one day in advance this is why i call this "not sure" only this very short term memory and the abuse are the recent things, I have been some sort of carer for at least thirty years and feel worn down.
The variable memory thing really gets me down too. I was thinking the other day that many of the traits now so pronounced in his condition, have been there for many years, such as mobile phone, using tv remote, navigation and other general living things, not enough to stop proper functioning but there. Now he is rubbish at performing many daily tasks but not all. This is what is so infuriating. I am with you on this although different situation. I am off shortly for my annual heart check up and I know that I am not in as as good a state as last year. I shall tell the doctor why.
Yesterday we had a good day, about noon she said she would like to go to a seaside place about 80 miles away so we went, she was cheerful all the time, stopping to buy some food and returning home still cheerful and thanking me for a nice day, we had dinner and she went to bed still happy.
Today she walked in the lounge in a foul mood asking "who's house is this" once again i told her it was ours, she then walked out into the small lobby where she likes to sit and began talking in a loud voice about divorce and getting a boyfriend to buy her a car, this then leads on to how she would not lie about her sexual preference (she is convinced I am gay) in the end I ask if she would like breakfast and she refuses.
I take a light breakfast and I hear her making something, the then begins again in aloud voice about telling lies, I go out in the garden but as it is cold and wet I return after a short time and find she has moved to the lounge but she leaves on my return and begins talking about me, I loose it and ask who has said I am gay, in the end she says a spirit, I leave for two hours.
I return about 2pm and ask her if she would like to go out in the car, she replies no and that she has called the police about me, I ask should i bring in some food for dinner and she says "iff you like".
I return about 5pm with some food but she does not speak to me, gets her key and leaves returning about 20 min later, I ask if she wants to eat but she storms off grabs some cold food from the fridge and goes to her bedroom where she remains.
Do not know what tomorrow will bring.
Today she walked in the lounge in a foul mood asking "who's house is this" once again i told her it was ours, she then walked out into the small lobby where she likes to sit and began talking in a loud voice about divorce and getting a boyfriend to buy her a car, this then leads on to how she would not lie about her sexual preference (she is convinced I am gay) in the end I ask if she would like breakfast and she refuses.
I take a light breakfast and I hear her making something, the then begins again in aloud voice about telling lies, I go out in the garden but as it is cold and wet I return after a short time and find she has moved to the lounge but she leaves on my return and begins talking about me, I loose it and ask who has said I am gay, in the end she says a spirit, I leave for two hours.
I return about 2pm and ask her if she would like to go out in the car, she replies no and that she has called the police about me, I ask should i bring in some food for dinner and she says "iff you like".
I return about 5pm with some food but she does not speak to me, gets her key and leaves returning about 20 min later, I ask if she wants to eat but she storms off grabs some cold food from the fridge and goes to her bedroom where she remains.
Do not know what tomorrow will bring.
Christmas was not so bad this year, she realised it was Christmas and New year, yesterday she was not happy that the shops she likes were closed and this morning she was happy up till noon when she became abusive, I went out about 3:30pm and returned at 6:00, I bought her a bottle of her wine and she accepted a glass but then got nasty and refused dinner making herself a cold sandwich then the verbal abuse got louder, in the end i shouted at her to stop telling lies, she stands in front of me sticking her finger in my face shouting that I am the lier and why did I marry her when I am gay (that is not the words she uses). I ask who told her this and she does not answer in the end she says it is someone who is now in hell, I loose my temper and tell her to go away, she is still muttering outside
