Not Sure

[dogdayafternoon]

Hi to everyone, I am looking for advice about my wife of 48 years. She has always had some problems, we even had a private visit with a psychiatrist in the mid 1970's because of her huge mood swings, he thought it could be hormonal but was unable to get a blood sample that day and we did not do any follow up.
I retired four years ago and we moved back to the city where we were born, I have observed over the past three years a lot of memory problems, for example we will go shopping and buy something for dinner, on the way home she will ask about three or four times what are we having for dinner, this was worse this Christmas period, on the 27th she though the shops would be closed because it was Christmas, I explained but this continued through the day finally on the 28th she realised Christmas was passed.
She gets very angry and talks about divorce and then two hours later she is happy.
She has certain stories about things that happened to her in the past that she repeats a lot talking for about two hours non stop but recently she is adding things into her stories such as someone speaking to her in one story when in the past it was just that she saw them in the distance.
I have tried to get her to the GP but she does not keep the appointment, the other thing is she studied psychology at the OU and can sound very confident when talking to people.
Could it be Alzheimers? she has just turned 73

 

[love.dad.but..]

It could be ... there are some very similar aspects from what you describe. Not wanting to see a GP to discuss seems quite common whether because she knows herself something isn't quite right and is worried about finding out.Could you get her along with you to the GP as a starting point?

 

[chris53]

Good Evening Dogdayafternoon, welcome to Talking Point, so sorry you are not able to get your wife seen by her doctor,maybe you could write to the doctor,in confidence,regarding your concerns? at least then it would be on record,and doctors can usually come up with a "cunning plan" to see your wife without worrying her.
Hope you can get help soon.

 

[dogdayafternoon]

Forgot to add, in the late 70's my wife's GP put her on Ativan on repeat prescription for six years, took her four years to get off it (worse than Heroin) so she does not trust GP's and has had sleep problems since then, I must make any appointments for her and not tell her in advance or she my not sleep and then she is not able to function the rest of that day, the last two appointments with the GP she had a bad sleep the night before so we had to cancel

 

[Shedrech]

hello @dogdayafternoon
welcome from me too
I wonder whether your wife might accompany you to a GP appointment to keep you company ie make an appointment for her but tell her it is for you and you'd like her to go with you for reassurance - eg might you have a flu jab and want her to hold your hand?
I agree with sending the GP beforehand a full list of all your concerns and all the changes you have seen in her abilities and behaviours, so the GP doesn't have to ask too much at the appointment - at least then whatever else happens, the GP has a note of your observations on her records so they are there for future notice
it'll depend on the GP's co-operation, some are more flexible than others - but worth a try?

 

[icu2]

Hello, I have been through much the same, and found that if I kept a daily diary of the day's ongoings on the computer, then when you go to see either social work, or your doctor you can give them a printout of whatever days you think relevant, so they have an exact record of what is happening, and you won't forget or miss the vital bits. You must update daily or you will start mixing up days.

 

[dogdayafternoon]

thanks icu2, good idea, I will start now as just had a bad day, normal morning, happy then about 10am she stormed off in the other room and began talking out loud against me and things she thinks I have done when I asked what was wrong she screamed at me that she knew what I had been doing. To calm it down I left for two hours but when i returned she was still angry so I left again for three hours and got the shopping.
When I returned she was better and asked why I had been away so long then slowly cheered up.
This is driving me up the wall.

 

[dogdayafternoon]

Still not sure, I have not managed to get her to the doctors but I have observed that she does remember some things of the day before but things to do with food she seems to forget what she had to eat two hours ago.
She does not suffer from sundowners i would say it's the reverse, she got up in a very angry mood today, would not sit in the same room as me and talking loud about what she thinks i have done to her almost all wrong. Finally got her to come out in our car but still angry even when we got home. About 7pm she agreed to eat a small meal that I made and cheered up a bit finally going to bed at about 8:15pm and watching TV.
Do not know what to expect tomorrow, dream of running away.

 

[dogdayafternoon]

I had started to think her memory was not so bad, she does remember things from yesterday but today we went out and she felt unwell and wanted to go home to use the toilet, first time this has ever happened so we went home and straight back out to do some shopping.
Tonight as she was going to bed I asked how she was feeling now, she asked why and I explained but she had no memory of wanting to come home to use the toilet or being unwell.
Again do not what to expect tomorrow

 

[myss]

Oh my dogdayafternoon, what a drama you're going through. I'm no doctor but has there been any other event that could have caused such a change in her behaviour? Could she be anxious/stressed over something?
What is clear though is the need to get her to see a doctor. Is it possible to call them on her behalf and explain what is happening? Could the doctor come to see you both in your home? Perhaps when the appointment is made and the doctor is there, settle her and explain why the appointment is needed and how is in her best interests.

All the best to you.

 

[dogdayafternoon]

Sorry but it's been a while since i posted, still trying to get her to go to the doctors, today was very bad.
Yesterday she was talking about something from the day before so I thought her short term memory is not so bad then we got some bad news about the daughter of a friend we have not seen for a long time had died the day after childbirth, she asked me how old she was and I told her then the rest of the day she would talk about it and ask how old she was, I must have answered more than 15 times.
We went out in the car and she worried about her sun glasses, I opened her bag and showed her them, we then drove about 500 metres and she asked again about her sun glasses.
This morning she was not bad but wanting to repeat some old story that I have heard hundreds of times so I look interested and wait but she can make a 5 minute story last 30 minutes, the TV is on and there was something about the weather that made me look away for a second, she jumped up and walked out sitting on the seat in the hall she starts talking very loud about me being gay which I am not, this goes on for about one hour, in the end I go and ask why is she saying this and she tells me a spirit told her.
She believes she is psychic and she receives messages, I remind her of a previous message she got that was wrong but that makes matters worse.
In the end I go out to calm down, usually if I do this when I return she is better and we go out in the car but this time she was still angry talking about divorce and calling the police because I was talking down to her.
I feel like running away and giving up.

 

[Duggies-girl]

Sorry but it's been a while since i posted, still trying to get her to go to the doctors, today was very bad.
Yesterday she was talking about something from the day before so I thought her short term memory is not so bad then we got some bad news about the daughter of a friend we have not seen for a long time had died the day after childbirth, she asked me how old she was and I told her then the rest of the day she would talk about it and ask how old she was, I must have answered more than 15 times.
We went out in the car and she worried about her sun glasses, I opened her bag and showed her them, we then drove about 500 metres and she asked again about her sun glasses.
This morning she was not bad but wanting to repeat some old story that I have heard hundreds of times so I look interested and wait but she can make a 5 minute story last 30 minutes, the TV is on and there was something about the weather that made me look away for a second, she jumped up and walked out sitting on the seat in the hall she starts talking very loud about me being gay which I am not, this goes on for about one hour, in the end I go and ask why is she saying this and she tells me a spirit told her.
She believes she is psychic and she receives messages, I remind her of a previous message she got that was wrong but that makes matters worse.
In the end I go out to calm down, usually if I do this when I return she is better and we go out in the car but this time she was still angry talking about divorce and calling the police because I was talking down to her.
I feel like running away and giving up.

Oh yes that recurring running away dream. I expect you have loads of plans, I certainly have, I am going to ****** off travelling for a couple of years with a dinky little rucksack. I really want to go on my own and have no-one to worry about but myself. Oh well we can all dream and dreams come true sometimes but it will be a sad time as well.

 

[Shedrech]

hi @dogdayafternoon
I wonder - have YOU been to have a chat with your own GP (might be the same as your wife's? if not tell your GP you are happy for any info you give to be shared between the 2 GPs) - it would be good for you to tell your GP exactly how this is all affecting you - that way the GP knows what is going on and how you feel - you need back up

 

[MaddieJ]

I had problem getting my OH to see the GP as there was "nothing wrong, everybody forgets things, its called ageing". It became clearer later that he was scared having had not a nice experience with his step mother several years ago. He didn't want to know that he was in the same situation and where it would lead. The GP practise wasn't helpful as they insisted he had to consent. In desperation I contacted the local Altziemers Society and someone came to visit us both. I told him it was for my benefit she was coming but not until the day she was due here. He was angry and gave her a mouthful at first but settled down to his normal polite self after a while and listened. He agreed to see the GP after her talk in which she explained how things are now in the system and the benefits of finding out what was happening. I guess it was better for him to understand coming from someone else. We are now in the system having seen the GP, had blood tests - normal, memory test and a Memory Clinic assessment (only yesterday though no diagnosis yet), ten head scan soon. It does take a long time and I have to keep explaining why we are where we are at each step/stage/appointment as he forgets. I reiterate what the AS lady said and it seems to work. I sympathise but I do hope you find a way.

 

[dogdayafternoon]

Thanks for all the helpful replies, as I have said before she thinks she is fine talking about getting a student loan to continue her studies, I am going to see our GP and explain what I think.
Today was strange, she was ok up to after lunch, I got the car out but she was a long time coming out, as we drove away she started complaining about the area where we now live, we did a long drive which she usually likes but she sat in silence, I tried to start a conversation but got an angry retort. Heading back I asked what she wanted for dinner but she got angry so I just stopped at a shop she likes and asked if she wanted to go in and she said not to speak to her and that I had treat her very badly, I asked her how but no response, tried another shop and asked what she wanted and she said get what you want.
When we got home she stormed into the house got something from the fridge and ate it cold with a glass of wine and started muttering she was going to sort things out his week and stormed off to bed.
She does remember recent arguments but not the cause, she does not know what day it is, today she thought it was Friday.
She thinks she can call the police and they will get her a flat or she will go to a distant relative about 70 miles away who will help her get a place and she will join a love club and find a man who will buy her a car.
She always wants money and says why did we buy a house we could have the money you need money.
I am not looking for help in this post just wanting to let others know what is happening

 

[myss]

My Dad is sometimes like that too, dogdayafternoon. There's been times where I've been treating him in my usually friendly manner and I can recall him asking me why I am being so nice to him. Even when my son tried to intervene, my dad told him that he was bound to back up his mum. It upset me but I didn't show it. However, later on that day, on a routine visit to his GP, he picked me out as a favourite relative.
Another time when my brother's made him some porridge to eat (a favourite of his), he retorted 'I know what you're playing out, you're trying to poison me'. No idea where he got either thought from.

 

[canary]

Delusions of people mistreating them, poisoning them, being nasty to them stealing from them etc etc are very, very common in dementia. PWDs (People With Dementia) lose memory of events, but retain memory of feelings and my thought is that they have these feelings of something upsetting them, but cannot relate them to anything specific - so their brain confabulates (fills in the memory gaps with made up stuff) things that their caregiver has "done"

Obsessions are also par for the course as is resisting seeing the doctor.

It really does sound very much like dementia.

 

[Macduff]

Hi dogdayafternoon, I've read most of the posts and have to agree with the last one that it appears your wife is definitely suffering from dementia. My wife of 72 has developed and moved on from all these symptoms over the past 5 years. Start with your GP and get a referral to your local mental health team. Usually starts with a few memory tests at a clinic and leads to a diagnosis. It's important to get the diagnosis so you can plug in to benefits and resources.

 

[dogdayafternoon]

Thanks again for all the kind replies, just to know it's not only me helps.
It's about two weeks for an appointment with our GP so I will reply when I have talked with him.
Yesterday she was ok then got depressed about money (just the fact that I am not working now upsets her) got back to our house about 6pm helped her out of the car and carried her handbag opened the front door then went back to reverse into the drive, she was still slowly walking towards the front door, just after reversing I heard her cry out and ran from the car to find her collapsed at the front door, she had fallen on the step and does not know how she fell, she hit the front door with her head but as it was not latched it just pushed open but still has a swelling on her head and a sprained thumb.
I have ordered a handrail and told her I will help her in and out until it is fitted, she thinks it is happening because of evil thoughts against her.
Every day is a lottery

 

[Macduff]

Thanks again for all the kind replies, just to know it's not only me helps.
It's about two weeks for an appointment with our GP so I will reply when I have talked with him.
Yesterday she was ok then got depressed about money (just the fact that I am not working now upsets her) got back to our house about 6pm helped her out of the car and carried her handbag opened the front door then went back to reverse into the drive, she was still slowly walking towards the front door, just after reversing I heard her cry out and ran from the car to find her collapsed at the front door, she had fallen on the step and does not know how she fell, she hit the front door with her head but as it was not latched it just pushed open but still has a swelling on her head and a sprained thumb.
I have ordered a handrail and told her I will help her in and out until it is fitted, she thinks it is happening because of evil thoughts against her.
Every day is a lottery

Thank goodness she's Ok. Good luck at the docs. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?