Not Eating

[vinvin]

Mr mum is in CH and eating very little has lost nearly 2 stone in the last month or so, they say they try to help but she sometimes gets stroppy and pushes them away. I went in yesterday and tried to help but she wouldn't eat more than a few mouthfuls (can't say I blame her it was all pureed and looked horrible) I had taken in some trifles which she used to love but only had a couple of spoons then no more. She has generally gone down hill very quickly lately.

Question is been at CH for 5 months now took a while to settle but seems to be ok now, her Dr thinks she will be better off in a NH as will get more help with eating and has said wants to move her. I am a bit wary about another move as thinking might make her decline more but if she keeps up like she is wont last long with no food in her anyway. Have no experience of NH are they better able to get people to eat? Not even sure SS will sanction move to NH as her mobility is not too bad.

Would appreciate anyone's thoughts I don't know what to do except keep taking in bits of food when I go to try and tempt her.

 

[Butter]

I think you are doing exactly the right thing. Of course you can try and tempt her - but if she does not want to eat, she does not want to eat. It is not your 'fault'.

Often, refusing food etc is the only thing left for people to 'do'. My mother did exactly that - and it was the only way she could take matters into her own hands. I took her little home-made ices too - but no.

Sometimes people can have sore mouths - so it is worth getting that checked. But it is distressing for everyone.

 

[steffie60]

Oddly I was going to post a question on this subject myself this morning in the hope of finding other peoples experiences.

My Mum is 89, lives with me so the food I give her is, even though I say myself, quite good. In fact I baked some special biscuit yesterday (Mum always likes a biscuits) with oats organic coconut oil maple syrup etc. She ate the biscuit but took an age to get it down. I have taken in tea and freshly baked bread (out of the bread machine) with butter and marmalade usually a favourite but she took one mouthful and that was all. I have spoken to the GP and we are monitoring Mum's weight loss. I cannot force Mum to eat but it does not stop me worrying about her not eating. Mum has a stoma so she now has to have an immodium type tablet to slow down and thicken her motion. She will not eat a yoghurt which would slide down easily so I plan to try her with rice pudding later and I have bought Complan chicken soup so will see how that works.

I try not worry but of course I do, Mum is still about 8.5 stone so we are not at a critical stage however at 89 Mum may have just made a decision for herself and perhaps I have to prepare myself to let my lovely Mum go.

 

[woowoo]

I have this problem too. My dad is 93 next week and was diagnosed with dementia 11 months ago.

It's a nightmare to get him to eat most of the time. A few mouthfuls and that's it. On occasional days he will eat constantly.

It's such a worry. He now only weighs 51kg and is nearly 6 foot tall. He looks so frail.

I try to tempt him with all sorts but to no avail.

Hope things pick up soon. Xx

 

[lilysmybabypup]

Oh my, here are all my words and feelings appearing in your thread. I'm so sorry you're having the problem, it's exactly my problem too. Dad was hospitalised for 4 weeks and, while his eating had declined at home, he stopped eating. He also lost the ability to walk during that time. He went from hospital to an aged care home since his immobility meant Mum could no longer care for him, even with my help. He's been in the NH for a week and a half and is still not eating. Mum took him a favourite sandwich a couple of weeks ago and some tapioca and stewed fruit she made, he ate some of the sandwich but said the other things were horrible and too sweet. He was still drinking tea and eating biscuits but now won't have that either.

He is still drinking water and asks for it quite often, but just a few sips at a time, at least he's staying hydrated. It is simply the hardest thing to watch, and Dad is 6'4" and used to weigh 98 kg, all muscle and bone, now he's skeletal, the last time he was weighed, about 3 weeks ago he was 85kg, not a lightweight but he is all skin and bone.

There are other residents who no longer speak, walk or hold up their heads, are on thickened fluids, but still open their mouths when the spoon touches it and eat well. Dad still talks well, and understands us, he just covers his face when we try to give him food and says he's eaten, or isn't hungry.

I'm so sorry I have no ad ice or help to offer, but I know how awful it is to watch a loved one just give up and waste away.

Stephanie, xxx

 

[mandyg]

i am new to this site, my mum has been diagnosed with dementia but in the last 6 months her weight has plummeted. She eats quite well, or seems to. My dad cooks meals and they are pretty good. He always liked cooking. I take over dinners etc for them as well.
when they come to me at weekend she eats a really good dinner yet at 5ft 8in she weighs less than me and i am only 4ft 10in
The GP has altered some of her tablets thinking they are stopping the weight going on but i can't help feeling they aren't really interested.
also, my mum would not like hospital. She has always said she didnt want to end her days in hospital being fed by a tube!!. Dad would never forgive me if i pushed for her to be treated in hospital.
we tried the weight drinks, and dad manages to get a pudding down her swell. But she is like a skeleton.
What to do??!!

 

[Skylarker]

Hi, I'm Skylarker and I only signed up today!

I moved in with Mum to look after her about 2 1/2 years ago, boy it's been a learning curve! The latest thing is not eating, so I thought I'd come here for some advice.

Mum's only 71, but she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about 4 years ago. She probably had it longer, but she's a very intelligent and resourceful woman and had managed to get around the problems until it was too noticeable and obvious something was wrong. By then it was well and truly established, and more advanced than I or the GP had realised. It seemed to happen overnight - one minute I was climbing into bed in my own house, the next I was answering a call from the police saying they'd picked Mum up lost and confused and could I come over please? I haven't slept in my own house since.

She's become steadily more stubborn and aggressive, which I'm learning to cope with (I'm pretty good at ducking!) but the thing that's really thrown me is the not eating. She's already underweight and I've got Maxijul from the dietician to try and bulk her up, and add fortified milk, soft cheese and you name it to all sorts of things to try and make tasty and fattening meals for her. I even learnt how to make my own bread, so that I could add supplements to it! Now she seems to have gone on strike, and pecks at her meals like a wee sparrow.

I'm at my wits end. I've tried her with puddings and cakes but she's not always in the mood for them either. She likes the porridge I make her for breakfast, with fortified milk and honey, but I can't give her that all the time!

Has anybody got any suggestions?

 

[stanleypj]

As you can already see from the responses to your thread, this is a very common problem. There have been a lot of other threads about it too.

It seems quite important not to jump to conclusions. Although it's clear that, in some cases, an eating problem indicates that someone may be approaching the end of their journey, you'll find posts about people who have been through an eating problem and have come out the other side.

The important thing is to forget all you ever learnt about 'healthy eating'. So, for example, when skylarker says she can't give her mum the fortified porridge for every meal, she should perhaps be asking why not? If the person you are caring for will happily eat one or two things, those are what you need to give them. As they start to put on weight you may find that that they get their appetite back you can branch out.

 

[CeliaW]

Reading this thread reminds me of an elderly female patient that was referred to my department for Barium Studies due to refusal to eat. We did the tests and everything was essentially normal. She had been at the end of the list and so I sat with her whilst we waited for a porter to take her back to her ward. We started talking and I asked her why she wouldn't eat - she didn't want to talk initially but gentle chat and coaxing ... ten minutes later I found out it was because her false teeth hurt.

I got one of our consultants to do a limited examination of her gums using one of our lights and there were varying degrees of ulceration which were obviously causing distress when she had her teeth in and tried to chew. So she had given up. The reason for this is that many elderly people keep the same false teeth for years and yet their gums often shrink as they age.

I followed up this lady, she was given treatment for the ulcers, not allowed to have her teeth in until they healed and, as soon as they could do the fitting, she was provided with new dentures. She began eating once her teeth were removed and the ulcers were beginning to heal and although this was soft/ puréed food, she began to put on weight and then her weight returned to normal once she had her new teeth and was on fairly normal food. I saw her on a return to the OPD and she was a different woman - not just in weight and appearance but much more co-operative and happy.

It isn't always the reason - but its worth a check.

 

[Skylarker]

Thanks for the tip! Funny how the simplest things turn out to be the best solution - as you say, I've been worried about nutrition and stuff, when probably the most important thing right now is to keep her eating SOMETHING!

I tried her with some mince tonight, she wasn't fussed about the potato but she did enjoy the rest even if she didn't finish it! Something else in my culinary armoury! I'm also going to get her teeth checked - I've got a lovely dentist whose own father had dementia so he knows the score, and he was lovely with Mum last time I took her.

 

[mummy1]

We are in the same boat with my FIL he hasn't eaten for nearly 4 weeks now. He tells dr's yes i will eat so dr says there you go he said he will eat and leaves. Once the Dr leaves he starts shouting at us and swearing then refusing to eat anything. I don't feel I can do anything and think he has just made a decision not to eat. Very frustrating as he then tells people we don't feed him. Some people are stupid enough to believe him. I am very sorry I have no words of wisdom but it does seem to be quite a common thing, we have tried all different things to try to get him to eat all to no avail.

 

[meme]

my mother is at home with 4 visits from carers a day..she will only drink hot chocolate with full fat milk all day and have tomato soup for meals...this has been so for a while and the carers keep ringing me to tell me she isnt eating....they know I know and the dr knows but I feel so pressured and like its me that should fix it, I weigh her every visit and it is not going down drastically......so I have told everyone to support her in what she does want to eat/drink and keep her comfortable at home, no hospital and they keep asking if I want them to call the dr as she didnt want to get dressed and stayed in bed all day, I called him in on Tueseday... but I have said let her be in bed if she wants. she is tired but not in any pain...but I feel I am seen as callous and I also am on my own...I am going to see her today and worrying I will cry on the train or in front of the carer, when Ineed to stay strong untill I get home... not sleeping well last night doesnt help...what a fool!!!

 

[steffie60]

My mum is 89 and lives with me. She has stopped eating. We try taking her out to choose food from a wider menu but after twomouthfuls she is full. The best meal is bread butter and marmalade at breakfast because she remembers she has to take her tablets. I make a cake from coconut oil and banana which I adapted from an internet recipe sometimes she eats a slice sometimes just 2 or 3 of the little squares I cut it to. The GP is kindly doing some tests to see if an earlier cancer Mum had has returned but in my accepting moments I am pretty sure Mum has decided herself not to eat. I believe that all we can do at this latter stage is give the best possible care to our loved one. There are suggestions on the internet of how to present tempting foods etc but in mymother's case if she feels full thenshe will not eat. We as carers want to care but sometimes our loved ones make it difficult and then we get to feel bad.

Sent from my GT-P5110 using Talking Point mobile app

 

[Varandas]

Sometime the appearance of the food does not matter. Mushed pears with banana and full fat cream. Any soup with cream and or cheese. Ice cream. Trying anything and everything I have in the cupboards and fridge. Just one spoon at the time. Come back 20 minutes later and another spoon full. The nutrition and healthy eating is in very mouthful. Just trying.

 

[Varandas]

You have (a) friend(s)

Sending you a big BIG BEAR HUG! You have a friend and if you need, have a good cry. Do not feel you are under pressure to fix it. You are doing all you can, the best you can do right now. You know it. Believe it. Courage!

my mother is at home with 4 visits from carers a day..she will only drink hot chocolate with full fat milk all day and have tomato soup for meals...this has been so for a while and the carers keep ringing me to tell me she isnt eating....they know I know and the dr knows but I feel so pressured and like its me that should fix it, I weigh her every visit and it is not going down drastically......so I have told everyone to support her in what she does want to eat/drink and keep her comfortable at home, no hospital and they keep asking if I want them to call the dr as she didnt want to get dressed and stayed in bed all day, I called him in on Tueseday... but I have said let her be in bed if she wants. she is tired but not in any pain...but I feel I am seen as callous and I also am on my own...I am going to see her today and worrying I will cry on the train or in front of the carer, when Ineed to stay strong untill I get home... not sleeping well last night doesnt help...what a fool!!!

 

[meme]

I feel duty bound to keep her fridge full each week even though she wont eat any of it and it goes in the bin...I think I am keeping the fridge full for me really

 

[MaggieAnne52]

My mother had dementia and the food issue was becoming a problem. She's gone from a woman who loved all types of food. Now her food has been drastically reduced to what she will eat now. She won't eat vegetables but will eat meat and some potatoes. We throw so much out of her fridge because she says she's never hungry therefore it goes off. I have started making meals for her, which she will eat some of it. I try to hide the vegetables as I did when my children were very young. At the age of 89 years we've decided that instead of making her anxious because we want her to eat healthy foods, we now only buy food that she will eat such as jellies, trifles, crisps, biscuits. As long as I know she's getting one decent meal (the ones I make) she can fill up on the unhealthy stuff. Since doing this, relations with her have improved. She's had all those years eating good stuff so does it really matter what she eats now? Keeping a good relationship with her is so much more important to the family.

 

[FifiMo]

As well as checking false teeth as Celia recommended, please also check for oral thrush. This is very painful and can spread to the throat too. Normally the bugs in the mouth are flushed away with food and drink but this inbuilt system fails if someone is off their food or doesn't drink enough.

Another thing to try is the little white lies approach. When the person has a nap, when they wake up then tell them they have missed their lunch/dinner and offer them a small portion of food. Do this every time they wake.

Think of foods they would have eaten years ago. If the memory has regressed they may not recognise our modern food. Things like rice pudding or bread and butter pudding or milk jellies (melt jelly in small amount of water then add a large can of evaporated milk to make it up to the pint). Custard over sponge or sponge pudding. Soups were very popular too. Home made soup can be very nutritious.

It is said that dementia patients react better to food that is presented on bright yellow or red plates. Worth a try.

Cut the size of the portions. Use a tea plate rather than a dinner plate, then lots of praise if they finish their food.

Forget nutrition. It is calories that are important. A couple of spoons of food packed with cream or butter or cheese, will be more calories than a larger portion of salad!

Try finger food where the person just grazes throughout the day rather than set meals.

Try to sit down and eat with them. If they are losing skills they can mimic what you do.

Try 'secret' events, like having a picnic. Tiny sandwiches in grease proof paper, some pretty napkins, a nice cake for afters.

Fish and chip shop food. Make it yourself then wrap in newspaper.

The BIG thing for us was to remember that they come from the 'salt with everything' brigade. My mother immediately started eating again in hospital when we gave her own condiments. She was craving salt. Mind you she lost 4st before we realised the problem!

Fiona

 

[meme]

just back home..my mother ok reclining on bed in fluffy dressing gown..she has not lost any weight since last weigh in 3 weeks ago...she had 2 teaspoonfulls of mashed bananna reluctantly and 2 sips of a yoghurt drink just for me... and sticks to her beloved hot choc and soup...so be it...I cleaned her dentures in hot water and washing up liquid then stuck them in with polygrip which she hasnt been using hence the clacking when she says certain words and maybe easier to eat but I think we are past that...still I left feeling ok and supported by the morning carer who is v gentle with her.

 

[meme]

something I remember from yesterday with Ma...as we were talking about her and how things were I asked "Have you had enough?" and she replied "almost" and we just carried on chatting..