Not changing underwear

SR70

Registered User
Aug 20, 2022
19
0
Hi - my husband who has Alzheimer’s is 55 years old. He’s no longer working, driving and seems to be deteriorating in terms of speech, understanding in fact a lot. I noticed last week that he’s started putting his underwear back into his cupboard after wearing them. It’s really quite yuck! Thankfully not soiled, but I realise it’s starting to smell. So I keep taking a load and washing them. This is a bit of a rant - anyone else dealing with this? He used to be so clean and hygienic and a sharp dresser, but that doesn't seem to be what he cares about/can manage anymore.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
7,318
0
Nottinghamshire
Hi @SR70

I used to have to deal with this while I was caring and I’m sure a lot of carers have the same. It was a bit of a shock when I realised my dad was putting his smelly clothes back in the wardrobe but knew enough by then to understand that it was because he no longer remembered what to do with them. I found the best way to manage was to be vigilant just like you.

Eventually dad just left his clothes in a heap on the floor which made things easier but it’s very sad to see a pristine person like this because of this horrible disease. Even more so as your husband is so young.
 

Jay M

Registered User
Jan 22, 2022
14
0
My mother does the same. The dirty underwear is either put back in the underwear drawer (neatly folded), or hidden away somewhere in the bedroom - in the drawer of a bedside table, in a plastic bag stuffed away out of sight somewhere, in the waste paper bin, and other variations. When I ask her if she has anything to put in the wash, she sometimes remembers where she put it and retrieves the underwear, but just as often she goes to look in her bedroom but can't find them and says she doesn't have anything to wash.
 

Sarahkb

Registered User
Apr 3, 2022
52
0
Hi yes I am dealing with the same. 50 year old husband. Deteriorating fast. Frontotemporal.
I have to make sure when he takes his pants off they go straight In wash. And clothes. He will wear same clothes every day otherwise. No understanding they are dirty or smelly. I have to run a bath for him or he would t have one snd sometimes refuses. Personal hygiene is a huge issue. He used to be so clean snd smart loved his products snd clothes.
He is in continent now sometimes. Urine. He wears pads. Could your husband be embarrassed about similar?
It’s very hard. X
 

Cardinal

Registered User
Oct 4, 2023
140
0
My husband desperately wants to help with things around the house. I try to let him help with anything he wants to help with. He usually washes and puts away the dishes and also sets the table. Last week I discovered that he was putting some of the dishes away unwashed. I found moldy dishes mixed with clean ones. Another thing I’ll have to oversee.

As far as I know he hasn’t put dirty underwear back in his drawer but maybe I need to start checking that.
 

Sarahkb

Registered User
Apr 3, 2022
52
0
I’m so sorry. It’s just so hard snd exhausting overseeing everything. My husband also constantly wants to help. I have learnt Yang I just need to re wash dishes and cutlery. He washes them in dirty water too. I find everything in the wrong cupboard which drives me insane when feeling stressed cooking the children’s tea.
 

Sarahkb

Registered User
Apr 3, 2022
52
0
It’s been a very very long hard fight for help. Resulted in ombudsman investigation who have just finalised report finding social services failed miserably and caused harm to children. It’s been impossible at times.
It’s a long story. Still not proper support as no services that meet his needs as 50 year old. He needs full time care really. Goes yes day centre 3 days (but they are on verge of saying no) respite we found have stopped and trying to persuade thee Ed m to reassess.
Anyway, hope you are getting support. It’s very hard.
 

sdmhred

Registered User
Jan 26, 2022
1,930
0
Surrey
So sorry @Sarahkb

Dementia services are stretched enough- let alone for someone in your husbands situation being so young. I do hope you have some wider family support.

I cared for mum for 2 years - hard work just being me - I woudnt have managed with anyone else to care for too. She has just had to move to a care home due to losing her mobility.

Keep posting if it’s helpful for you.
 

Lawrence G

New member
Jan 2, 2021
7
0
So sorry @Sarahkb

Dementia services are stretched enough- let alone for someone in your husbands situation being so young. I do hope you have some wider family support.

I cared for mum for 2 years - hard work just being me - I woudnt have managed with anyone else to care for too. She has just had to move to a care home due to losing her mobility.

Keep posting if it’s helpful for you.
My 87 year old wife is very good really but has trouble with sometimes cleaning herself after using the toilet which leaves her underwear slightly soiled even though she uses panty liners. Every night 🌙 she folds up her clothes and puts them on the chair by the bed so I always check her knickers once she is in bed then put them in the kitchen to clean first thing in the morning and put in the washing machine for the next wash. I do try to get OH to do the things that I know that she can do even if she struggles because I think it helps with her memory although I have to make sure that she cleans her teeth, washes etc which she would skip if I was not around. Just let them help you as much as possible even though thing's might turn up in the wrong place. I am lucky that she goes along with me most of the time, takes her Alzheimer's tablets, diabetic tablets and insulin without any problems.
 

SR70

Registered User
Aug 20, 2022
19
0
Thanks for all your Advice and messages of support which I value greatly x
 

MrWobbles

Registered User
May 19, 2023
28
0
Same for me regarding my wife’s underwear. She’s 77 and had impeccable standards on all fronts. There are many aspects of the care I give that frustrate me but the hygiene, endless washing etc., isn’t one of them. I feel SO sorry for my dear wife, who would ‘die’ if she understood what was happening. I’m fine with it. This I can do for her. She got enough to worry about, bless her!