1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Mel89

    Mel89 Registered User

    Oct 3, 2015
    We don't have a official diagnosis as he was a heavy drinker until be moved him local at the beginning of the year. My 87 year old grandad clearly has dementia unsure on the stage with it not being officially diagnosed. Still awaiting appointment with memory team. He's such a confused man he doesn't eat very much and had got himself below 6 stone! Very frustrating very worrying very stressful. He is aware he's very under weight in his words " I'm like a f**cking skeleton". It just doesn't register he has to eat. He tells us and promises us he will and doesn't, (he's in restbite care by the way) . He has good and bad days as far as the confusment goes, some days he kind of remembers things but others he forgets who people are but knows he's should know who they are so that gets him very down. It's just so hard to watch him slowly slip away. It's a huge strain too as he listens to me more than anymore else so I feel I have to try more and more even tho he's in 24 hour care now I still need to do so much. Just finding things hard and finding it a very emotional time. How did everyone else come to terms with things? Does it get easier to handle? Right now I'm loosing strength. I love him so much and I will try anything to help him atleast be abit more healthy and happy.

    Thankyou for taking the time to read I just wanted to vent out some emotion and frustration X
  2. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    Hi Mel, welcome to TP
    Since my wife was diagnosed with AZ I've noticed she's stopped feeling: hungry, thirsty, hot or cold, if I don't give her food or a drink she won't ask. She used to complain about the cold but now we can go out on the coldest of days no problem.
    Before she was diagnosed my wife neglected herself too and got down to 6st 4lb before I realised anything was wrong.
    My (late) mother was exactly to opposite, she was constantly complaining about the cold even on the hottest of days and constantly wanted sweet foods like biscuits or cake and would eat them all day if I'd let her.
    While he's in respite I think you could do with a bit of respite too, he's being well looked after, fed regularly and there are people there to look after him so you have a break too, put it to the back of your mind for a while and do something just for you, you need a break from this too.
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    Hello Mel
    My mum forgot to eat and lost a lot of weight too. She is now permanently in a CH.
    It came as a shock to me too when I discovered what was really going on - she lived alone and although I phoned regularly, I couldnt visit all that often.
    She is now looked after, has gained some weight and is much better.

    Your grandad will be looked after in respite and now that social services know about him he will be offered help. As Kevin says, try not to worry too much.
  4. Bessieb

    Bessieb Registered User

    Jun 2, 2014
    Hi Mel,
    I think problems with food and weight are very common. My Mum and Dad also forgot to eat....sometimes thought they had already eaten...sometimes started to prepare a meal but forgot how to do it and so gave up. They both lost a lot of weight.
    In their CH the social prompts of others eating around them mean they eat too and they don't have to worry about preparing food themselves. They have both gained weight in the 3 months they have been there look a lot stronger for it.
    A CH will also give protein / nutritional drinks to residents that are underweight.
    Now he's being looked after don't worry too much about weight issues - he will get lots of help with this.
  5. Mel89

    Mel89 Registered User

    Oct 3, 2015
    Thankyou everyone I know it's going to be baby steps regarding him eating they are really trying to get him to eat some days he will for them some he won't,I have slightly more chance at encouraging him.
    I think I'll be able to settle better once the social services decide its in his best interest to say we're he is. Been a long process with them he's been failed and moved from place to place. "He's capacity to live on the community" apparently.
    Anyhow just venting out on my post last night helped.

    Thankyou for taking the time to listen X

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