Hello
@Tititanwitch all of the things that you mentioned are usual with dementia. Most people seem to think that dementia just affects the memory, but it doesnt. In a way the memory is the least of all the problems. Dementia skews your thought patterns and behaviour in a completely illogical way.
If you have a read around on the forums you will see that not washing etc is one of the most common symptoms, although it is equally common for people to do superficial things when they want to go out - like the women putting on perfume or lipstick, or my OH putting on his best overcoat (over dirty jeans and a poloshirt
) when underneath they are not clean, or leave out parts of their hygiene routine, such as shaving, cleaning their teeth or combing their hair.
Likewise, things taking a long time is normal too. Their brain is dying and what is left is overloaded and takes a long time -they have difficulty working out what they have to do. Irritatingly, if they are pushed and hurried it is counterproductive as it confuses them and makes things even harder and longer to do. Also, things like going to appointments can cause huge anxiety for a person with dementia and can be hugely resisted, making it sometimes impossible to get them there. The best thing is just not to tell them where they are going.
Many carers struggle with the issue of alcohol - sometimes its because the person with dementia cannot remember how much they have drunk, sometimes its because they know they dont feel "right" and are trying to self-medicate and sometimes its because they have unfortunately developed an obsession (obsessions are common with dementia) with drinking.
All this behaviour can look on the outside as if it is deliberate and before diagnosis friends and relatives can end up feeling that the person has turned into what the Americans call a "jerk" - I cant think of an equivalent British expression that wouldnt be censored"! They havent, of course - it is the dementia and they are not doing it to be obnoxious.