1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

New member saying hello

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by hvml, Oct 10, 2015.

  1. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    300
    North Cornwall
    Hi there.I have just posted in the wrong place and probably broken all the rules of etiquette, but am going to try again, as I really do want to make it work.

    I'm hvml, primary carer for my dad, who has moderate vascular dementia at the moment.
    We live in a very rural area, with my brother and sister in law, who both work full time, so the caring, housekeeping and cooking fall on me. I don't drive, so our time is spent at home. My dad had a stroke in 2012 and was left unable to care for himself, so I left my job in London and (with my partner's support) moved to Cornwall to be Dad's primary carer. Since then, I have travelled to London once a month to see my partner and have a weekend away. That is my story in a nutshell. I look forward to the support of people in similar situations, as I do feel isolated a lot of the time.
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,669
    Kent
    Hello hvml

    Please don`t worry about posting in the wrong place, there are plenty of us around to advise you.

    The most important thing is you get the support you need and by starting your own thread as you have done, you have ensured you are in the best place here on Talking Point.

    All carers become isolated , especially as their role becomes more demanding. In remote rural areas I`m sure the isolation makes life even harder .

    Is there any local support available for you?

    I`m also a non driver but I was lucky to have an excellent bus service and live in a seaside town where all facilities were available.

    You have given up a lot to care for your dad.

    I don`t want to be a scaremonger but have you considered what might be, as your dad`s condition progresses? I know it may be early days now but please do try to make contingency plans in case of emergencies.

    I hope you get the support you need here on TP.
     
  3. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,477
    West Midlands
    Hi and welcome

    As far as I'm aware, the only rules to break are naughty language and promoting a business, otherwise what and where you post isn't an issue :)

    My goodness. Leaving your work and partner to look after your dad. That's one huge decision to have made. No wonder you feel isolated.

    Does your dad have access to day care? I'm sure like my mum he might have said he doesn't need it..... But I'm guessing you might

    Have you managed to contact your local Alzheimer's support group or AgeUk. They may have some ideas of how you can feel less isolated.

    My thoughts. I'm feeling that this situation shouldn't go on for too much longer. You need to look after yourself and your partner, put yourself "first" and to do that, I feel you need to look into more care/help/support coming into your fathers house.

    Others and those living in your area hopefully will be along with ideas that may help
    Keep posting And asking questions. There will be someone who understands exactly how you feel xx




    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  4. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    300
    North Cornwall
    Thanks for the replies. Once every 3 months my dad has a week in respite and I see my partner for a week. This has only just started as something I insisted on.It was a condition of my agreeing to stay in the position I'm in until April 2016. After that, my brother may or may not take over the caring role from me. If he doesn't, Dad will go into a care home. It's a very hard situation to face, but after 4 years and a worsening condition, we all agreed that we would have to address it.
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,669
    Kent
    It`s good you are preparing yourselves so well. No one says it`s easy but being realistic is the best way of coping in such a distressing situation.

    We can`t turn the tide back however much we would try to and so many carers drive themselves to emotional or physical breakdown before they realise the really do need more help.
     
  6. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    300
    North Cornwall
    This is true and something that I am very aware of as I have bipolar disorder. It's been a hard but rewarding 3 years and when the go back to work in the future, I'm planning to go into professional care. Ideally I'd like to be an HCA in a hospital.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.