New member saying hello

[hvml]

Hi there.I have just posted in the wrong place and probably broken all the rules of etiquette, but am going to try again, as I really do want to make it work.

I'm hvml, primary carer for my dad, who has moderate vascular dementia at the moment.
We live in a very rural area, with my brother and sister in law, who both work full time, so the caring, housekeeping and cooking fall on me. I don't drive, so our time is spent at home. My dad had a stroke in 2012 and was left unable to care for himself, so I left my job in London and (with my partner's support) moved to Cornwall to be Dad's primary carer. Since then, I have travelled to London once a month to see my partner and have a weekend away. That is my story in a nutshell. I look forward to the support of people in similar situations, as I do feel isolated a lot of the time.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello hvml

Please don`t worry about posting in the wrong place, there are plenty of us around to advise you.

The most important thing is you get the support you need and by starting your own thread as you have done, you have ensured you are in the best place here on Talking Point.

All carers become isolated , especially as their role becomes more demanding. In remote rural areas I`m sure the isolation makes life even harder .

Is there any local support available for you?

I`m also a non driver but I was lucky to have an excellent bus service and live in a seaside town where all facilities were available.

You have given up a lot to care for your dad.

I don`t want to be a scaremonger but have you considered what might be, as your dad`s condition progresses? I know it may be early days now but please do try to make contingency plans in case of emergencies.

I hope you get the support you need here on TP.

 

[2jays]

Hi and welcome

As far as I'm aware, the only rules to break are naughty language and promoting a business, otherwise what and where you post isn't an issue

My goodness. Leaving your work and partner to look after your dad. That's one huge decision to have made. No wonder you feel isolated.

Does your dad have access to day care? I'm sure like my mum he might have said he doesn't need it..... But I'm guessing you might

Have you managed to contact your local Alzheimer's support group or AgeUk. They may have some ideas of how you can feel less isolated.

My thoughts. I'm feeling that this situation shouldn't go on for too much longer. You need to look after yourself and your partner, put yourself "first" and to do that, I feel you need to look into more care/help/support coming into your fathers house.

Others and those living in your area hopefully will be along with ideas that may help
Keep posting And asking questions. There will be someone who understands exactly how you feel xx




Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[hvml]

Thanks for the replies. Once every 3 months my dad has a week in respite and I see my partner for a week. This has only just started as something I insisted on.It was a condition of my agreeing to stay in the position I'm in until April 2016. After that, my brother may or may not take over the caring role from me. If he doesn't, Dad will go into a care home. It's a very hard situation to face, but after 4 years and a worsening condition, we all agreed that we would have to address it.

 

[Grannie G]

It`s good you are preparing yourselves so well. No one says it`s easy but being realistic is the best way of coping in such a distressing situation.

We can`t turn the tide back however much we would try to and so many carers drive themselves to emotional or physical breakdown before they realise the really do need more help.

 

[hvml]

This is true and something that I am very aware of as I have bipolar disorder. It's been a hard but rewarding 3 years and when the go back to work in the future, I'm planning to go into professional care. Ideally I'd like to be an HCA in a hospital.