Need help!!!! New to all of this

[chelle92]

Hello everyone. Im new to TP, three months ago I quit my job to be a fulltime caregiver to both of my grandparents. My grandfather is 89yrs old and my grandmother is 86yrs old. This is all overwhelming to me as I am only 22yrs old.
They are both in middle stage alz/dementia my grandmother is having a harder time. She keps asking to go home(she has lived in the same house for the last 60yrs) and gets angry if I tell her she is at home. The last few days it has gotten so bad that when I went to use the bathroom the left out the front door, luckly a neighbor saw her and walked her around the block and then brought her back home. When she came inside she told me her friend came and took her for a walk.
I cant get her do do any activities all she wants to do is hide all her belongings then says people stole them. She used to love coloring pictures and now she refuses to do that.
She is having anger issues, and I am unable to get her to stay in bed at night. She will get about 30min of sleep then she gets up and wanders the house. I put her back in bed and its the ssme thing every thirty minutes.
How can I get both of them to believe im their granddaughter and not a stranger in their house.
Any advice or sugestions will help!!!!!

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[marionq]

You can't. That is dementia in a nutshell. I doubt that anyone of 22 on their own can do this job. The physical side of feeding, laundry, washing and dressing of two old sick people would be bad enough but you are also trying to keep them healthy and entertained. You need some help and advice from your local authority and/ or Age UK, Alz Soc. etc. Get them out to give you a carers assessment and to see what they can offer by way of assistance.

Don't be too much of martyr protesting that you can manage or they will just let you. Insist that you need back up.

Sorry just noticed you are in Virginia US. Do you have any kind of local charity or group such as we have in the UK like Alz Soc or Age UK?

 

[legolover]

Are you trying to do this single-handed? Are either of your parents or other family members involved in any way? It seems an impossible task and you will get worn out. Everything you describe is typical behavior for dementia and you will not be able to logically explain to your grandparents. Please try to get some more support, whatever is available in your area

 

[Tin]

Hello everyone. Im new to TP, three months ago I quit my job to be a fulltime caregiver to both of my grandparents. My grandfather is 89yrs old and my grandmother is 86yrs old. This is all overwhelming to me as I am only 22yrs old.
They are both in middle stage alz/dementia my grandmother is having a harder time. She keps asking to go home(she has lived in the same house for the last 60yrs) and gets angry if I tell her she is at home. The last few days it has gotten so bad that when I went to use the bathroom the left out the front door, luckly a neighbor saw her and walked her around the block and then brought her back home. When she came inside she told me her friend came and took her for a walk.
I cant get her do do any activities all she wants to do is hide all her belongings then says people stole them. She used to love coloring pictures and now she refuses to do that.
She is having anger issues, and I am unable to get her to stay in bed at night. She will get about 30min of sleep then she gets up and wanders the house. I put her back in bed and its the ssme thing every thirty minutes.
How can I get both of them to believe im their granddaughter and not a stranger in their house.
Any advice or sugestions will help!!!!!

Sent from my Galaxy Tab3 Mobile app

so far away and worrying about all the same issues. there must be a local Alzheimer society. You are amazing. i'm 59 and looking after one elderly parent, but 22 and looking after two. I shall be worrying about you from now on, please keep posting. Are there any other family members you can talk to or who can help out, even if it is only searching for associations that can help you. take care.

 

[minet48]

This sounds like an impossible task for just one person. Please try and see what help you can get.
I'm sorry but I doubt there is anything you can say to convince your Grandmother. Several years ago my Mum thought we had sold her house and moved her to another house (we hadn't - we were caring for her in her own home). This made her very angry and upset. It didn't matter what we tried - friends and family reassuring her, pointing out that the neighbours whom she recognised were the same, showing her favourite plants she and Dad had planted in the garden and tended over the years (they were both very keen gardeners) - she never believed us. Even now she is in a nursing home she occasionally refers to "the other house" which she says she hated and asks to go home.

 

[chelle92]

Thank you everyone!
Our family really doesnt get along. Most of them dont want to deal with it. "Just put them in a home" is all they can say, plus fighting over who gets the house, and so on and so on. My older brother comes and stays on sundays, that is my "day off"

It just hurts so much to know theres nothing that can be done. I feel like its all on my shoulders. My grandparents might be mean or whatever now, but back when I was growing up they took care of everyone. My grandmother had 3 biological children and she adopted a boy that she fostered. Aswell as babyset for any/everyone. I feel its only right to do whatever I can to make sure shes happy.
Its just sometimes I feel like i just want to give up.

I even used my savings to try and hire a day sitter for a few hours but they kept quiting because my grandfathers cussing. He never used to cuss but over the past few years he cusses when hes mad or confused. I dont know how to get him to stop.

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[chelle92]

This sounds like an impossible task for just one person. Please try and see what help you can get.
I'm sorry but I doubt there is anything you can say to convince your Grandmother. Several years ago my Mum thought we had sold her house and moved her to another house (we hadn't - we were caring for her in her own home). This made her very angry and upset. It didn't matter what we tried - friends and family reassuring her, pointing out that the neighbours whom she recognised were the same, showing her favourite plants she and Dad had planted in the garden and tended over the years (they were both very keen gardeners) - she never believed us. Even now she is in a nursing home she occasionally refers to "the other house" which she says she hated and asks to go home.

I have tried everything I can think of for assistance. They dont qualify for anything. Their Social Security isnt even enough to cover electric, water, cable ect. I use my savings and even took out a few loans to catch up the bills.

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[Tin]

Thank you everyone!
Our family really doesnt get along. Most of them dont want to deal with it. "Just put them in a home" is all they can say, plus fighting over who gets the house, and so on and so on. My older brother comes and stays on sundays, that is my "day off"

It just hurts so much to know theres nothing that can be done. I feel like its all on my shoulders. My grandparents might be mean or whatever now, but back when I was growing up they took care of everyone. My grandmother had 3 biological children and she adopted a boy that she fostered. Aswell as babyset for any/everyone. I feel its only right to do whatever I can to make sure shes happy.
Its just sometimes I feel like i just want to give up.

I even used my savings to try and hire a day sitter for a few hours but they kept quiting because my grandfathers cussing. He never used to cuss but over the past few years.. he cusses when hes mad or confused. I dont know how to get him to stop.

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you can't stop the behaviour, you must seek out a charity/society for help. will the friendly neighbour help you, not with the care, but with the search for advice and help.

 

[Beate]

Isn't the American health system just lovely?

There is nothing you can do about the swearing I am afraid but a proper carer/sitter ought not to be offended by that.

Have you got any charities in your area you could turn to for help?

 

[minet48]

Chelle, this sounds like such a difficult situation. I just wonder - were perhaps your grandparents ever churchgoers or attended other religious meetings even if this was long ago? It may be that a local minister might know of local people who could help or point you in the right direction.

 

[ksm1991]

Hi, I'm also 22 and helping to look after my pap who has Alzheimer's . Although there is me, my mum and my dad looking after my pap (as we all live with him) , I have been the only one to be called a stranger. He never gets my name right, is both physically and mentally abusive to me, and I feel he hates me. Like you he no longer knows me as his granddaughter so I know how terrible this can make you feel. Although we know it's all due to the illness, It doesn't make the days any easier does it? It must be even harder for you to be looking after both grand parents alone, I don't have any advice myself other than to Keep strong! X

 

[legolover]

I just Googled and found 3 links to organisations in US which maybe can point you in the direction of help. They are
www.alz.org
www.alzheimers.gov
www.alzfdn.org

Sorry if you've already tried these, but they may be able to offer more locally tailored advice for you, as we are mainly in the UK

 

[chelle92]

I just Googled and found 3 links to organisations in US which maybe can point you in the direction of

Sorry if you've already tried these, but they may be able to offer more locally tailored advice for you, as we are mainly in the UK

Thank you so much!! I had found the first one. But the second two I hadnt heard of, im going to check those sites now. Thanks again!

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[chelle92]

Hi, I'm also 22 and helping to look after my pap who has Alzheimer's . Although there is me, my mum and my dad looking after my pap (as we all live with him) , I have been the only one to be called a stranger. He never gets my name right, is both physically and mentally abusive to me, and I feel he hates me. Like you he no longer knows me as his granddaughter so I know how terrible this can make you feel. Although we know it's all due to the illness, It doesn't make the days any easier does it? It must be even harder for you to be looking after both grand parents alone, I don't have any advice myself other than to Keep strong! X

Thank you,
And yes it seems like we both are being treated the same.
You keep strong aswell, and remember all the memories you had with your pap during happier times.

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