my wife has dementia

[stevee1953]

Hello all,my wife was diagnosed with demetia 4 yrs ago,approx.she will be 80, this year and i will be 70,we have been together for 48 plus yrs now,I retired from a driving career,in 2015,after she had a stroke,then another shortly after,but as the yrs went on she grew steadily worse forgetting little things.I never realised it was going to be so demanding and frustrating,and i am ashamed to say from time to time i get angry,Not with my wife but myself for not understanding,she cant walk without help,and thats getting worse.She sleeps all the time,and she will wake in the early hours of the morning,saying she must go downstairs to get the kids off to school.ive got to explain to her we are downstairs.Will this get worse??I love her to bits and would never consider putting her in a care home,But i do worry if anything happened to me,what would happen to her,i have had 2 heart attacks myself,I feel i am living on a knife edge,The family are to busy with their own lives,she has her grandson living upstairs,but if she got out of bed and fell,which she would,she cannot get back up.Sorry for long post.and for putting my problems online.I just dont know if i will cope any longer..steve.

 

[Louise7]

Hello @stevee1953 and welcome, this is a friendly and supportive place. Sorry to hear about your situation, and it's understandable that you are getting angry from time to time, but it sounds as if you need some more help and support at home. Getting carers in to help will lighten the load and give you a chance to get a break and some time for yourself, if only for a short while. There is help available but usually you have to ask for it. If you contact your local authority adult care services they can arrange a care needs assessment for your wife and a carers assessment for yourself - see link below. Dementia is progressive so things are likely to become more difficult over time and sometimes people reach the stage where they need a team of people to look after them, not just one person. Looking after someone with dementia is hard, and you need to look after your own health too, so don't discount a care home at some point in the future. There are others here in a similar position so please keep posting as you are not alone.

The care needs assessment: support for people with dementia

This page looks at how a person with dementia can get a care assessment, who does an assessment, how they are carried out, who makes the decision, and tips for making the most of the care needs assessment. It also explains the eligibility criteria.

www.alzheimers.org.uk