Reading through the forum, I see many have started a diary which seems a good idea so thought I'd also do one, to see if it helps me and hopefully may help others on their journey to know they aren't alone.
Background
Bad stroke 9 years ago.
about 4 years ago my husband started getting very aggressive and abusive towards me in any argument or if I said something he didn't like. I spoke to the G.P. who said it was probably frustration from the stroke and put him on anti-depressants, which never helped.
He fell on a couple of occasions (due to balance from stroke) approx. 3 years ago, which resulted in Ambulance being called. On both occasions, the paramedics mentioned dementia, it was also mentioned by a nurse in hospital as a possibility so I contacted the G.P. who still insisted it was the result of a stroke (bad bleed)
Anyway finally, I saw a locum doctor who gave him a short test, which he failed. A blood test was done to rule out health problems, then covid hit! so nothing was done.
Anyway after battling again. (3 years later) he was finally referred to the dementia doctor in April this year, who confirmed he had early stages of dementia.
The scan used was 2-3 years old so not even a resent scan. So I'm not sure just how far he is down the line.
He had violent outbursts for about 2 1/2 years which luckily have now stopped but the abusive behaviour is out of control.
To be honest we have always argued as he is a controlling person. But after the stroke he lost a lot of the control which hit him hard.
Over the last 3-4 years, his motivation declined. Just sitting on the sofa watching T.V. more and more, So I'd try hard to get him interested in doing something to keep his mobility going and his mental health on track but it would end in really bad arguments, where he became very abusive and nasty towards me, It's like trading on egg shells, If I say something he doesn't like then I am 'Picking on him' 'telling him off' or 'having a go at him' and doing a really good 'poor me' act. The only time we get along is if he is getting 24/7 attention. Doesn't matter how I feel.
When he had the diagnosis in April, he didn't really believe the doctor but after a long chat, agreed to try and take an interest in the home/life etc. and we joined a couple of memory clubs and he started to do word search puzzle books, I'd bought 8 years previous for his stroke and go out for lunch, drives etc.
3 months later, I can't keep battling to get him motivated, if I don't suggest going out etc. or start a conversation, there is nothing.
He sits in the sofa all day either doing a word search (seems to be same page each day), watching T.V. or asleep. When I ask if he is happy doing this he always says no but makes no effort to change anything.
There is no relationship what so ever between us. I am just someone he sees as a carer, there to meet his needs.
He is chatty when at the memory groups and comes across as a nice person but is totally different with me. He often tells me, people think I'm argumentative or don't like me. Even says people know what he has to 'put up with' but when I ask who these people are he can't name anyone.
I think he may be 3-y years down the line rather than very early stages. Dreading what comes next!
Background
Bad stroke 9 years ago.
about 4 years ago my husband started getting very aggressive and abusive towards me in any argument or if I said something he didn't like. I spoke to the G.P. who said it was probably frustration from the stroke and put him on anti-depressants, which never helped.
He fell on a couple of occasions (due to balance from stroke) approx. 3 years ago, which resulted in Ambulance being called. On both occasions, the paramedics mentioned dementia, it was also mentioned by a nurse in hospital as a possibility so I contacted the G.P. who still insisted it was the result of a stroke (bad bleed)
Anyway finally, I saw a locum doctor who gave him a short test, which he failed. A blood test was done to rule out health problems, then covid hit! so nothing was done.
Anyway after battling again. (3 years later) he was finally referred to the dementia doctor in April this year, who confirmed he had early stages of dementia.
The scan used was 2-3 years old so not even a resent scan. So I'm not sure just how far he is down the line.
He had violent outbursts for about 2 1/2 years which luckily have now stopped but the abusive behaviour is out of control.
To be honest we have always argued as he is a controlling person. But after the stroke he lost a lot of the control which hit him hard.
Over the last 3-4 years, his motivation declined. Just sitting on the sofa watching T.V. more and more, So I'd try hard to get him interested in doing something to keep his mobility going and his mental health on track but it would end in really bad arguments, where he became very abusive and nasty towards me, It's like trading on egg shells, If I say something he doesn't like then I am 'Picking on him' 'telling him off' or 'having a go at him' and doing a really good 'poor me' act. The only time we get along is if he is getting 24/7 attention. Doesn't matter how I feel.
When he had the diagnosis in April, he didn't really believe the doctor but after a long chat, agreed to try and take an interest in the home/life etc. and we joined a couple of memory clubs and he started to do word search puzzle books, I'd bought 8 years previous for his stroke and go out for lunch, drives etc.
3 months later, I can't keep battling to get him motivated, if I don't suggest going out etc. or start a conversation, there is nothing.
He sits in the sofa all day either doing a word search (seems to be same page each day), watching T.V. or asleep. When I ask if he is happy doing this he always says no but makes no effort to change anything.
There is no relationship what so ever between us. I am just someone he sees as a carer, there to meet his needs.
He is chatty when at the memory groups and comes across as a nice person but is totally different with me. He often tells me, people think I'm argumentative or don't like me. Even says people know what he has to 'put up with' but when I ask who these people are he can't name anyone.
I think he may be 3-y years down the line rather than very early stages. Dreading what comes next!
