mine does that and the snoring. if you change the tv over, he will say he was watching that. what through closed eyelids and snoring away. he will say no not snoring, i didnt hear it!!! always was a smart alec. he can answer a question before ive asked it as well. gets it all wrong but is a good skill!!!!! 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣
My road diary
- Thread starter jay6
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🤣🤣 Yes it's funny how they can be eyes closed, snoring away, yet suddenly awake when you change the channel. Mine answers before I've finished a question too. Makes me smile to myself when he hasn't really heard what I've said properly.
Sounds similar what is happening here. But my husband wont go to the doctor for help. Gets aggressive If you try. A new thing. Stuff is going missing or taken apart? I don't know what to do really. I find this really scary and exhausting. He's upstairs now trying to put together the chargers for the electric toothbrush swears someone else did it. I had plans today to keep me occupied like gardening etc now I'm just sitting here vaping and sitting in a heap of misery.
Hello @bakinghappy It is so difficult when people with dementia will not get help. Could you write or email his GP to explain what is happening and ask them to call your husband in for a 'well man' appointment. It might be useful for you to start your own thread where you can ask questions, let of steam and generally rant. I have attached a link to the - I have a partner with dementia area below.
If you can try to get out into the garden later on - it really can help.
I have a partner with dementia
This forum is for people with a partner or spouse with dementia.
forum.alzheimers.org.uk
Mine gets aggressive just by me saying the wrong thing. I'm learning not to bit back or it ends in massive argument, where it's obviously my fault.
Mines now messing about with an old razor which stopped working. We bought a new one last week, but he won't through the old one away. Insists I've done something to it, so trying to get it going again. I've just left him to it. Can here him tutting away and getting cross.
It does but could do without the tutting and moaning. He's just decided to leave it and have some breakfast even though it's now 12.15pm Lunch time. Day seems to be starting later and later. Suppose could be 'normal' now?
It is so challenging isn't it? I can only agree with @SeaSwallow , speak to or email his doctor, explain your concerns and find a way of getting him into the surgery. My husband has regular blood tests due to the medication - cholesterol checks etc so I am sure it will be possible. I think one of the hardest things about living with someone with dementia is having to lie, to be devious when your instinct is to be honest and treat the PWD with dignity. However I believe it is kinder to keep some things to yourself to avoid distress - there are so many things I don't tell my husband now, things that would worry him or situations where he has to be excluded. It's just all so sad. My husband has gone beyond the 'tinkering' phase, he has deteriorated a lot over the last 4 or 5 months and does nothing but read his paper and sleep. He gets lost outside the house, he doesn't know if it's morning or evening, he can't follow conversations but he is easier to deal with and he does, thank god, sleep at night. It's just so frightening not knowing what is coming next.
At least he's dressed by the time he comes down for breakfast around 12pm Has lunch now about 3pm but still wants dinner 5-6pm. Biscuits etc. in between meals, apart from when he's asleep on the sofa. Or should I say NOT asleep, just closing his eyes and snoring. haha
Definitely challenging alright @Jax 6 Feel I spend most of my time battling with doctor or taking OH to surgery. But they don't actually listen.
Explained to doctor about him occasionally bed wetting - He was sent for tests to see if he filled and emptied but follow up apparently takes 6-7 months. GP hasn't got results either that was 2 months ago.
Back to GP as he had to have bloods done again as first showed low salt and anaemia. So said they needed a Gtest? to check poo but didn't have any, so need to wait while they order some, which could take couple of weeks.
Yesterday had to collect a small bottle for some poo as tests still not in because he's had diarrhoea for almost a week, so that'll be fun.
As far as the bed wetting - No help. Not been referred to incontinence clinic.
Says he felt better this morning so I suggested going to singing on brain - Answer was they do do much signing so can't be bothered. Tried to reason, just started getting abuse so gave up.
Oh well back to him sitting on the sofa all in front of TV asleep.
Some life this is!
Explained to doctor about him occasionally bed wetting - He was sent for tests to see if he filled and emptied but follow up apparently takes 6-7 months. GP hasn't got results either that was 2 months ago.
Back to GP as he had to have bloods done again as first showed low salt and anaemia. So said they needed a Gtest? to check poo but didn't have any, so need to wait while they order some, which could take couple of weeks.
Yesterday had to collect a small bottle for some poo as tests still not in because he's had diarrhoea for almost a week, so that'll be fun.
As far as the bed wetting - No help. Not been referred to incontinence clinic.
Says he felt better this morning so I suggested going to singing on brain - Answer was they do do much signing so can't be bothered. Tried to reason, just started getting abuse so gave up.
Oh well back to him sitting on the sofa all in front of TV asleep.
Some life this is!
I am so sorry you are not getting the help you need, it's absolutely disgusting. Not sure I would be willing to collect the poo sample............
Hi @jay6 You said:
"Says he felt better this morning so I suggested going to singing on brain - Answer was they do do much signing so can't be bothered. Tried to reason, just started getting abuse so gave up.
Oh well back to him sitting on the sofa all in front of TV asleep.
Some life this is!"
Going singing - you'll have to a bit more devious with incentives if poss. Just getting out is a tonic for you and for OH - and some other people interaction - would he be tempted to go out for a cup of tea and cake? (They served tea and biscuits at the Memory Singers we used to go to.)
You know, you can't reason with a PDW who hasn't got reason/logic.
Collecting urine and/ or poo samples - what we do for love, eh!?
and with "some life this is!" - you got it in one!
You'll have to keep having a go at the GP surgery.
Best wishes.
"Says he felt better this morning so I suggested going to singing on brain - Answer was they do do much signing so can't be bothered. Tried to reason, just started getting abuse so gave up.
Oh well back to him sitting on the sofa all in front of TV asleep.
Some life this is!"
Going singing - you'll have to a bit more devious with incentives if poss. Just getting out is a tonic for you and for OH - and some other people interaction - would he be tempted to go out for a cup of tea and cake? (They served tea and biscuits at the Memory Singers we used to go to.)
You know, you can't reason with a PDW who hasn't got reason/logic.
Collecting urine and/ or poo samples - what we do for love, eh!?
and with "some life this is!" - you got it in one!
You'll have to keep having a go at the GP surgery.
Best wishes.
He still hasn't even tried to do the sample himself Jax. Just makes excuses expecting me to but I refuse until he at least tries. 🤮I am so sorry you are not getting the help you need, it's absolutely disgusting. Not sure I would be willing to collect the poo sample............
He said he liked singing for the brain when we went before. But now says they all just go blah, blah, blah, without signing words, which is total rubbish. We all get a song sheet. I told him if he put his hearing aid in maybe he would actually hear them But he just comes up with how he doesn't have any problem with hearing and doesn't need them, I'd actually given up with his hearing aids as he was given them 5-6 years ago but has always refused to wear them. The session starts with a chat, cuppa and biscuits.
and Yes I know we can't reason with PWD, I couldn't before he got dementia, so absolutely no chance now.
Well today has been fun. OH had an appointment for neck x-ray as he's constantly complaining of pain. Started on about how he couldn't go with excuses, in the end decided he would after a massive row, about wanting help but then being a pain in the a***e when he gets it.
In the middle of being really nasty towards me I got 'Oh before I forget, happy birthday' then carried on as before. Then tried to blame me for the argument.
Needless to say rest of day as resulted in not speaking. He got his x-ray, complained all way home at now having to wait 7-10 for the results.
What can I say but Self, self, self.
Yes partly the dementia but was so selfish before.
He has an appointment for Covid on Saturday which he is now saying he isn't going to. So I've given him the phone and told him to cancel it so that someone else can have the appointment, and in future any problems he has, he can make his own appointments or contact the doctor himself. I'm done. But he won't bother.
I'm now repeating the words I keep being told from GP's etc. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves and before someone says it's dementia. I was also told this by his dementia consultant.
In the middle of being really nasty towards me I got 'Oh before I forget, happy birthday' then carried on as before. Then tried to blame me for the argument.
Needless to say rest of day as resulted in not speaking. He got his x-ray, complained all way home at now having to wait 7-10 for the results.
What can I say but Self, self, self.
Yes partly the dementia but was so selfish before.
He has an appointment for Covid on Saturday which he is now saying he isn't going to. So I've given him the phone and told him to cancel it so that someone else can have the appointment, and in future any problems he has, he can make his own appointments or contact the doctor himself. I'm done. But he won't bother.
I'm now repeating the words I keep being told from GP's etc. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves and before someone says it's dementia. I was also told this by his dementia consultant.
Hi @jay6
You said "I'm now repeating the words I keep being told from GP's etc. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves and before someone says it's dementia. I was also told this by his dementia consultant."
I really can't agree with that. I can understand this applying to a person without dementia. However, in my humble opinion, a PWD will never be able to help themselves or even start to know how to. They don't know what's wrong with themselves, and often deny anything is wrong. If you don't know what's wrong, you can't even start to help yourself to put it right. I really don't know your OH's dementia consultant, but I wouldn't want him/her to be mine or my OH's consultant with an attitude you've expressed.
My OH, 6 or so years along, can't properly express the words to describe a pain she might have (but can say something hurts - she has a diverticular condition), let alone know what meds may help. She can't read, can't follow instructions, can't co-ordinate to hold things (so I feed her each spoonful of food, and each sip of her drinks), forgotten how to take meds and would start to chew and then spit them out (I cut pills up and hide them in cereal), etc, etc My OH long ago forgot how to use a phone - in or out calls - and she can't work out, thankfully, how to unlock the door. If she was left to help herself, she wouldn't be able to do anything. I'm helping her to slowly die more comfortably than otherwise might be.
Although you said this about poo, it applies to everything - some life this !
If as you say "I'm done" please bear in mind you have no legal obligation to care for your OH. If you really feel you cannot care for OH, then you'll have to tell ASS and get them to sort out the care that your OH requires. They will only help in a crisis or emergency - such as you saying you can't care and you actually leaving.
If you're going through hell, keep going!
You said "I'm now repeating the words I keep being told from GP's etc. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves and before someone says it's dementia. I was also told this by his dementia consultant."
I really can't agree with that. I can understand this applying to a person without dementia. However, in my humble opinion, a PWD will never be able to help themselves or even start to know how to. They don't know what's wrong with themselves, and often deny anything is wrong. If you don't know what's wrong, you can't even start to help yourself to put it right. I really don't know your OH's dementia consultant, but I wouldn't want him/her to be mine or my OH's consultant with an attitude you've expressed.
My OH, 6 or so years along, can't properly express the words to describe a pain she might have (but can say something hurts - she has a diverticular condition), let alone know what meds may help. She can't read, can't follow instructions, can't co-ordinate to hold things (so I feed her each spoonful of food, and each sip of her drinks), forgotten how to take meds and would start to chew and then spit them out (I cut pills up and hide them in cereal), etc, etc My OH long ago forgot how to use a phone - in or out calls - and she can't work out, thankfully, how to unlock the door. If she was left to help herself, she wouldn't be able to do anything. I'm helping her to slowly die more comfortably than otherwise might be.
Although you said this about poo, it applies to everything - some life this !
If as you say "I'm done" please bear in mind you have no legal obligation to care for your OH. If you really feel you cannot care for OH, then you'll have to tell ASS and get them to sort out the care that your OH requires. They will only help in a crisis or emergency - such as you saying you can't care and you actually leaving.
If you're going through hell, keep going!
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