Hi, my Mum has Alzheimers/dementia and my Dad is her only carer. I live fairly close by and visit and telephone frequently. These past ten days my Mum has been convinced that my Dad is missing and that the person caring for her is not my Dad, her husband but is her own father. She is 89 and my father is 83! She is getting very distressed because no one will call the police to report him missing. We have tried reasoning with her but to no avail. We have tried placating her with,'we know he is alright' but again to no avail. My father is reluctant to get the doctor involved in case it leads to her being hospitalised for any reason. Any ideas?
My Mum doesn't recognise my Dad
- Thread starter hellesbelles
- Start date
Getting a doctor involved is really all your father can do hellesbelles, unless he is willing to accept your mother being permanently distressed. If she didn't know your father just for short periods in the day, it might be manageable , but this happening permanently isn't fair to either of them.
It's a terrible situation when life becomes unbearable and with dementia it sometimes happens, but accepting it when help can be had is not necessary.
I do hope you can persuade your father for both their sakes.
It's a terrible situation when life becomes unbearable and with dementia it sometimes happens, but accepting it when help can be had is not necessary.
I do hope you can persuade your father for both their sakes.
Hello Hellesbelles and welcome to the forum.
My husband lost me as his wife and our home of 46 years, 2 years before he went into a nursing home. He thought I was the nice lady who looked after him while he waited for his wife to pick him up.
At no time did anyone suggest he got taken away anywhere because he did not know me.
When your Mum is asking for your Dad or someone to report him missing try a little white lie and say he has gone somewhere and will be back soon. Say he rang to speak to her whilst she was asleep, you could even get your Dad to phone her and speak to her and assure her he is fine. If it gives her peace of mind what does it matter that it is not the truth. My husband asks about his Father, Mother and sister several times a week. They have all passed away but to tell him that would distress him only for him to forget again and ask again. So we tell him his Dad is at work, his mum is shopping or at the hairdressers and his sister is working on the farm. He is content with the answer and when he asks again we tell him the same again.
My husband lost me as his wife and our home of 46 years, 2 years before he went into a nursing home. He thought I was the nice lady who looked after him while he waited for his wife to pick him up.
At no time did anyone suggest he got taken away anywhere because he did not know me.
When your Mum is asking for your Dad or someone to report him missing try a little white lie and say he has gone somewhere and will be back soon. Say he rang to speak to her whilst she was asleep, you could even get your Dad to phone her and speak to her and assure her he is fine. If it gives her peace of mind what does it matter that it is not the truth. My husband asks about his Father, Mother and sister several times a week. They have all passed away but to tell him that would distress him only for him to forget again and ask again. So we tell him his Dad is at work, his mum is shopping or at the hairdressers and his sister is working on the farm. He is content with the answer and when he asks again we tell him the same again.
Oh yes, those "love lies" are essential and will be sure to bring great comfort to you all. Loving thoughts.X
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