My life changed today

[Helen33]

Just a quick update as my client will be a little late. Alan has gone off to the community centre with the sitter. I have had the CPN ring me back, Crossroads Manager has phoned me back and the Social Worker has phoned me back They are all taking it very seriously and to cut a long story short the CPN is coming to bring a bottle for a urine sample and then she is going to pick it up and take it to the GP's for immediate testing!! She is also coming to talk to me this afternoon.

Crossroads are going to do another assessment next week but will implement immediate changes so that the sitters are informed and more inventive with immediate effect.

The Social Worker is going to source some small quiet care homes and see whether they will be prepared to take Alan for an hour each evening.

Seeing as it is only 9.30am I don't think they are bad results. Tonight the carer is going to take Alan to a very quiet pub with his language aid that I have made.

Thanks for your support. xx

 

[Starshine]

Hi Helen
I am keeping my fingers crossed tightly for you, I am sure you will muster more strength and I hope the days get better again for you. I haven't logged on for awhile now, was finding losing MIL so very very hard, and feeling totally at a loss still. Thought logging in today might make me feel lucky that we are now out of that hell, but its not lucky give me MIL any day however hard, now going through much the same with another relative - can see clearer now with all TP help and chats etc. Why is life so very hard! Good Luck Helen I am thinking of you.
Starshine x

 

[Grannie G]

Helen you are amazing. And so is the team supporting you.
Well done to you all.

 

[Helen33]

Today's update

As I mentioned previously, by 9.30am all the services had contacted me. The CPN dropped a urine sample bottle and paper basin and told me to ring her when I was ready for her to pick it up.

My client time was wonderful because Alan had gone off with the sitter to the community centre and I was able to work in complete peace of mind. When my session had finished, the sitter was still out with Alan so I was able to just bask in the peace. I'd forgotten what it was like to be at home alone – it was a wonderfully peaceful experience. Alan then returned with the sitter and at the community centre there were a lot of old women who were doing a lot of chatting whilst setting up activities like games. The sitter said that Alan wasn't agitated but seemed bored and got his coat and said “come on let's go” and so they went off for a long walk in the lovely park opposite the community centre. I have since discovered that the community centre has a very quiet room which he and the sitter could have to themselves.

I got a urine sample from Alan and I rang the CPN and told her that I would take it to the GP to save her having to come all this way (she wanted to see me anyway at 1.30pm) and I thought her making 3 trips was too much. I had some sitting time left and so I went to take it to the GP. When I got there and was just about to explain to the woman behind the desk, another woman came to me and asked my name. I wondered why she was asking and just stood there confused and then she smiled and asked my name again. I told her and then she said I have all your information here because the CPN had phoned them in advance. She took the sample from me, took it to the nurse for a dipstick test and then told me it was clear and that they would send it off for further testing. I was absolutely shocked at this level of treatment. Everything had been done not to create any possibility of further stress to me. I would not have dreamt of this kind of service ever being offered to anyone – it was 1st class.

The CPN came to see me at 1.30pm and we were able to talk through it all and it was really supportive. I said that I was so glad that today wasn't the first day that she'd met me. She said she was available to me whenever I needed.

Later on the Social Worker rang me to say that she'd discussed my case with her Manager and they were all unsure because it is a unique situation with me working from home. The Manager did say that she felt Alan using a care home would need funding. Anyway the Social Worker was given permission to try to source a home that was willing to have Alan and his sitter for an hour each evening. She knew of an excellent Manager of a care home and the Manager agreed immediately to having Alan and his sitter at no cost whatsoever to anyone. Crossroads Care have agreed that their sitter can be used in this way too. The Manager is keen to meet me and show me around and has assured the Social Worker that she can offer Alan and the sitter quiet places and a quiet room.
The Manager said that she felt it was imperative to support carers in the best ways possible!!
I felt a weight was immediately lifted from my shoulders as I knew that a care home with anything to hide would not agree to having a Crossroads Care sitter to witness poor care!!

Tonight the sitter has to take Alan to a small quiet pub for an hour which I am not very happy about but there is no choice tonight. We will all have to survive this hour tonight and it is so much easier to cope with knowing that next week the best possible alternative will be in place.

One day I reckon I will write a book about Talking Point because I know without any shadow of doubt that none of this would be possible without you. You have given me strength when I was buckling at the knees and you have given me information and advice where there was a blank space.

Thank you

 

[Grannie G]

Helen this is an amazing turnaround in 24 hours, from absolute despair to elation.
This was crisis time and everyone has rallied to prevent carer breakdown.
And they have succeeded.

 

[susiesue]

WOW!!! now that's what I call progress - hats off to you Helen Now can you come over here and organise me

Love

 

[Helen33]

Wow

a new sitter came tonight and she had been contacted by Crossroads and updated about the situation here. What a difference. She came in and was in a wonderfully gentle commanding position and I could see that Alan felt immediately safe and has gone off like a lamb. I am completely sure that he is in the best of care. She has taken the communication aid and some photographs. This woman was good and she was prepared.

I am exhausted by it all but I feel I will sleep a lot easier tonight.

Love

 

[Grannie G]

It does make you wonder why all sitters cannot be of the same calibre , doesn`t it Helen.

 

[gigi]

Helen..my heart is singing for you...

love xx

 

[Sam Iam]

Helen, you are one amazing lady xxx

 

[stikwik]

Hi Helen,

So glad your attention to detail and care has produced some good results, although it has worn you out too. But we have no option when we compare the alternatives do we.

Also, I'm grateful that the paths you walk get logged in my mind as they often prove useful in my own situations whether directly or indirectly. So thank you for logging your experiences in such wonderful detail.

Nik x

 

[sad nell]

Helen, what a difference a day makes, so pleased for you both that your support was so quickly put in place i think you must communicate your needs so well, . today i made several phone calls to district nurse, and had to finally leave a message, i know my tone was not as plesant as usual, think i could do with some assertive lessons from you Helen, hope you sleep well ,after all your hard work getting all this sussed goofnight love pam

 

[Helen33]

A last update

Before I tell you about the evening session and Alan's first experience in a new regime, I would like to say that I am definitely not special in any way and the only way I have been able to communicate my needs is because I have shouted, screamed, voiced, pondered, read your posts and TP has given me the right kind of space in order for me to safely discover what it is exactly that I need and how exactly I need to express that to others. Most importantly though I feel that it was the services themselves that came through today and I feel they would have come through whether it had been me, you, or uncle Tom Cobbley because the services (IN A CRISIS SITUATION) works very well in this area.

Now about Alan, he went off with the sitter feeling very safe - I could see that clearly. He came back a very happy chappy They'd been for a walk and then they went to one pub and she could see his hesitancy as they headed towards the steps of the pub so she took him back to the car and they went and found another which he really liked. It was a big pub with only a couple of other people in it. I could tell that it touched his fear of other people as he was trying to tell me about it and I asked the sitter whether she'd noticed that he was anxious and afraid of other people and she said she had noticed and so she quickly distracted him back to the photographs that I'd sent with them. She said the photos were a good idea. So overall, she did an excellent job and clearly knew what she was doing and Alan had someone that he could rely on to look after him and the anxieties that he experiences. I hope she can become a permanent carer to him but I doubt I should wish for more than we've been given already today

Like Gigi, I feel euphoric with relief. Alan has survived the experiences that he had no choice about and he is perfectly ok.

Love to you all. xx

 

[sue38]

I can't believe you achieved all this, and then went to work!

I'm glad Alan's sitter was so competent, in what could have been a difficult situation.

Well done.

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello Helen:
I have just caught up with your considerable achievements over the past few days! Well done. It seems that as well as being able to sort out sitting time you have managed to new interests for Alan. I am so pleased for you.

Love Jan

 

[Helen33]

Friday - a day as long as a week

Today was a mammoth day for both Alan and myself. For Alan it meant going to the community centre this morning (which turned out to be a day centre - don't ask) and then tonight he was having his first evening at a care home with his Crossroads sitter.

For me I had a 3 hour meeting about my sister's care which was excellent but very intense. I then had to be fully there for Alan when he came back with the sitter. Apparently the sitter took him to Crossroads day centre for 1.5 hrs because that's what she thought I meant. Apparently it is in the same place as the community centre. She then took him off to a very large local deer park and they had a big walk. I thought Alan looked 20 years older when he walked in and he seemed agitated and his eyes were glazed or different. The sitter couldn't see what I could see. I've noticed that not many people see what I see and I wonder why they can't see the big differences in him?

Then the care home manager phoned and she sounded wonderful and invited both Alan and myself to go to see her and the home. We were there within 15 minutes. I have no idea how to tell you just what it was that I heard and saw. Alan became alive and he looked so happy We were taken to a quiet room which Alan and the sitter can use whenever I want (they can also use all the facilities including a bath, food, staff if necessary) at no cost whatsoever to anyone because they believe that we have paid taxes and we are entitled to the facilities. It has day centre facilities catering for people with dementia and is a residential care home as well. The manager told me to check with CQC because it is a place of excellence and I could see that it was. All the staff looked happy and they have been there for years. One member of staff lives on my road although we'd never met. I have been told that I can come any time without prior warning. Alan started singing which he hasn't done for a long time and then he sat with us. The manager said that Alan and his sitter could use the facilities whenever I needed and it didn't just have to be in the evening for an hour.
I asked whether we could start tonight and she said yes. I typed up the hours that I would want for next week and took them tonight so whenever I am working Alan will be able to go there. She said I didn't need to use it just when I'm working but whenever I wanted.

I arranged for a taxi to transport Alan and the sitter to the care home and off they went. I was able to work in complete peace and it did make such a difference. After work I still had 3/4 hr to myself before I went to pick them up. When I got there Alan was waiting for me and the sitter said that he was agitated but no more than he was at home. She was capable of seeing the changes in him. I noticed that Alan was no different really to how he would be at home and as we left he was happily saying goodbye to staff. My sister worked in a terrible care home and I spent quite some time volunteering there but this home was something delightfully different.

It has been the most enormous week for us but I think it must have been a million times more stressful for Alan because he has nowhere and no one to share his experiences with.

I never would have thought - absolutely never - that Alan would be experiencing a care home this week I feel like I've been swept along a wave that has taken me from A to Z and I am completely shattered.

 

[Grannie G]

I never would have thought - absolutely never - that Alan would be experiencing a care home this week

This week or any week for a long time to come Helen.

But there it is and I`m so pleased you have found someone who can think and act outside the box. What a wonderful person this manager must be, and why are there no others just like her.
Perhaps there are and we just need to find out more about them.

 

[lesmisralbles]

Please tell me more

(they can also use all the facilities including a bath,
That is all I want at the moment for Ron.

Barb XX

 

[Helen33]

Hello Barb

I wish I could tell you more but I have had to take in so much information today that my brain feels like a mushy sponge! I remember asking who owned the establishment and she said the city council. I would have just assumed that a city council wouldn't have much to offer these days and I was astounded that they run a place of excellence. You learn something every day. I must admit that I am really looking forward to getting to know this manager because we both felt that we would get on very well together. I told her about Talking Point and she knew of it and I asked if she'd be prepared to talk on TP because I felt she would have so much to offer. I also thought she was a good place to start asking if she would be prepared to use TP as part of the training that she gives.

Sorry I've gone off the subject of the bath. I don't know what to say Barb apart from the fact that they offer baths to people when carers can't manage to bath those they are caring for because of mobility issues or because people don't have suitable facilities at home.

 

[sad nell]

Helen what good news, but i bet you are still reeling at this sudden changem , Is this home council run, trevs is and i am also very impressed with the quality of care, i also used to pick up on trevs agitation levels that others didnt, think it must be that we just know our men inside out,. so glad that you where able to work with out worrying about interuptions, it mist be such a relief.sleep well love pam