My Dad and us

[Columbo66]

Hi there my name is Chelle, I want to understand dementia how it affects a family. My Dad we think has Dementia early stages we think? My Dad is 78 years old and my mum is age 77, My mum has been struggling with the daily issues and tasks she is facing, my Dad won't tell us what the doctor says to him, and he cannot remember what's been said to him also. We think the doctor has done a checklist to briefly assess his health , and he is now awaiting a physiologist assessment, does anyone know if this will give us the results we think we know? My Dad is angry and sharp in his tone towards me and apparently he's always like this towards my mum. He just stares at me with a vacant look and he takes 20secs before he says hello Michelle, but some occasions he says my Sister's name. My mum has said he has had a few toilet accidents where he's missed or not made it in time, me and my mum think he's suffering with paranoia he has the doors open in the house and he will just walk in the kitchen and just look at us puts his hand to his head as though he's confused and then he walks out. But he will go in to his office and shut the door. We know this is going to get worse, my mum isn't good she has has high blood pressure and two bad knees so she is in pain alot. To throw another problem in to the mix, my Dad is still driving. What do we do, my mum is losing the will to deal with him. Thanks for allowing me to express my situation. Thank you 😊

 

[yoy]

A few things you might want to look into, if you haven't already done them :
1. Do any of you have LPA for your dad which, once registered with the surgery, would give them the authority to speak to you?
If, not, do you think he has capacity to give consent for one of you to have LPA? (Might be worth doing it for your mum as well just in case).
2. Do you know whether the GP has referred him to the memory clinic, as they're usually the ones who can test for, and diagnose, dementia?
3. If you don't know, it might be worth writing to the GP with a detailed list of concerns about your dad, as you have stated above. Some people have found GP's to be quite helpful at guiding things along if they know the patient is in denial. (Although some GP's are better than others.... ).
4. Do your parents get any help (will they accept some)? I.e it may be worth contacting social services with your concerns about them, and asking for a) a care assessment for your dad to see what help he needs and b) a carers assessment for your mum, as it sounds like she may be struggling.
5. Have you looked into attendance allowance for your dad? (It's not dependant on a diagnosis, it depends on the help your dad needs.)

If you can go through these things and you do get a diagnosis, there will be lots of other things to get done, including stopping him driving, applying for a reduction in council tax on grounds of severe mental impairment etc...
Good luck.

 

[RebelJo]

Hello Chelle, My Dad is 85. He lives on his own in an assisted living apartment. My Mom died 10 years ago. I have been concerned for a while now regarding his cognitive abilities. He is totally self absorbed, says inappropriate things to people, is constantly talking about the past, but getting confused and i think at times he thinks I'm his wife (my Mom). He has some obsessive behaviours too, for example, he has spent thousands of pounds in one shop on picture frames that are just piling up on the floor. I was most concerned about him still driving. Especially when he tells me how far he drives because he gets lost and cant operate his sat nav. Dad also has a heart valve problem which means he cant walk far and gets fatigued.
As mentioned by "yoy" you can write to his GP expressing your concerns especially in relation to him still driving. I did this and Dad has been referred to a Memory Clinic for assessment. The GP told him not to drive in the meantime. The GP is the key, let them know how concerned you are.
Jo x

 

[Gosling]

Hello @RebelJo and firstly welcome to Dementia Support Forum. There is a wealth of shared experience of dementia to be found here, and members really do want to help.
It is good that you have managed to get a referral to a memory clinic for your Dad's assessment, and that you have managed to discuss with the GP the concerns you have about his behaviour and abilities.
I hope you will find this forum good for sound advice, information, and understanding from members that have 'been there'.. sadly.