Coping with bad news

[Vincentangela]

My wife got news some weeks ago of the death of a friend. Since then she asks me every morning if Tom is dead and receives the news as if hearing it for the first time becoming very upset.

My wife is moderate stage Alzheimer. Any advice on what I should do to help her move on? Thanks

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @Vincentangela

I`m sorry but I don`t think you will be able to do anything to help your wife move on following the death of her friend.

Does she ask at about the same time each day? If so perhaps some distraction techniques might work, making a drink, watching something on the Television, having a walk in the garden, anything you can think of.

If distraction techniques don`t work I hope it will come naturally in time.

 

[Vincentangela]

Hello @Vincentangela

I`m sorry but I don`t think you will be able to do anything to help your wife move on following the death of her friend.

Does she ask at about the same time each day? If so perhaps some distraction techniques might work, making a drink, watching something on the Television, having a walk in the garden, anything you can think of.

If distraction techniques don`t work I hope it will come naturally in time.

Thank you @Grannie G

 

[Collywobbles]

Is it absolutely vital that your wife knows the truth? Would she have seen or heard from Tom very often? If so, would she remember that not happening?

I know it goes against the grain, but it might be worth considering a ‘love lie’ along the lines that he’s been ill but is fine now. This at least removes the daily onset of grief, and also gives your wife a reason why she might vaguely remember being worried or upset for him.

 

[bessiebee]

Sadly, we lost our son very suddenly 7 weeks ago. The police came to the house and told us. My husband ,89, has mixed dementia, he commented, how terrible, but has not spoken about it since.The funeral has passed, I hid all sympathy cards, and family and friends knew not to mention anything about it to him.It was so terribly hard for me, but at least my husband has been spared the heartache.If he ever asks for John, I am going to say that he is working away.

 

[Banjomansmate]

That must be so difficult @bessiebee, my heart goes out to you.
Carol.

 

[SherwoodSue]

@bessiebee. Such courage. Selfless love. No cards to comfort you in order that it doesn’t didn’t distress him.

Bless you

 

[Izzy]

Oh how tragic @bessiebee.

I can only send my condolences and wish you strength.

 

[Tabitha2]

When my younger brother died I dreaded telling my parents about it but they took it strangely well. Dad cried a little, Mum hardly at all. They were fine at the funeral (I found it very hard), and they hardly mention him now, which, again, I find hard to deal with. I know PWD often lose empathy and are unable to really feel emotions in the way they used to, which must be better than them forgetting the news, and then being shocked and upset every day, like the first time they heard the news. Hopefully this will pass in time, but really hard for you, I know.

 

[Vincentangela]

Thank you everyone for your insights and life experiences. Much appreciated that you have so kindly shared your own stories.

 

[Duck17]

My wife got news some weeks ago of the death of a friend. Since then she asks me every morning if Tom is dead and receives the news as if hearing it for the first time becoming very upset.

My wife is moderate stage Alzheimer. Any advice on what I should do to help her move on? Thanks

My 94 year old mum has mixed Alzheimer’s & vascular dementia. My brother is terminally ill with cancer & I didn’t know how to handle this. I took advice from the Admiral nurses & did tell her once but since then on the rare occasion she mentions my brother I play it down or distract her. I personally find that quite difficult but it does mean my mum isn’t getting repeatedly distressed.

 

[sdmhred]

Oh @bessiebee …others have shared similar tragic stories 😢😢

Please feel free to share and off load here if that is helpful to you…