1. Badgeman

    Badgeman Registered User

    Feb 22, 2014
    97
    I'm not the best subscriber, so please forgive me.

    The past week has been hell. Mum has been extremely paranoid and abusive, and thinks I'm doing things to her that I'm just not. She's hit me and smashed things up I what can only be described as a violent temper. She calls me terrible things, and this morning at 3am came into my room and became abusive. I went out for a walk for hours, and when I came back it was still going on. I couldn't dope and I've rung the emergency out of hours social services. I'm waiting to hear back from them.

    I feel dreadful. I can't cope with their any more. I can't cope with her violence, and in particular I can't cope with the feeling that it will happen over the slightest thing, and at any time. I'm walking on egg shells and I cannot take it any more, it is making me ill, and my nerves are shattered. I don't have a life, and she gets angry with me if I do anything for myself.

    I feel terrible, I try so hard to make her life worth living. However, I can't do this any more. I think it's time to call it a day, I need a break. I've not slept since Tuesday. I can't carry on alone, and I feel bad about it.
     
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    9,765
    Merseyside
    Ring them again & if she kicks off again before they come ring 999.
    Don't feel bad. You desperatly need a break. Tell them you can't cope.
     
  3. Candlelight 67

    Candlelight 67 Registered User

    Nov 4, 2013
    167
    West Sussex
    You have done the right thing. Your Mother obviously needs more care than you can possibly provide. Making the call will make things easier.

    From your post you have coped so very well and must not let the guilt monster get to you. I don't think I could cope as well as you.

    I hope everything gets sorted and goes as well as it can and that you do get a much needed rest.

    I am sure others will be along with much better support but I couldnt not post after reading.

    You have done the only thing you could do .
     
  4. Badgeman

    Badgeman Registered User

    Feb 22, 2014
    97
    She's blacked out asleep. She's screamed herself out I think. I don't know what to do, sorry.
     
  5. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    9,765
    Merseyside
    Keep chasing the emergency social work team. Ring your GP too & demand help
     
  6. Badgeman

    Badgeman Registered User

    Feb 22, 2014
    97
    Thank you for posting and being so understanding.

    I can't face Christmas, waiting for the next outburst. She has become paranoid, and believes people are living in our house that have been dead for years, and then when I try and calm her down, she becomes aggressive. We've lived in the house 10 yrs and there has only ever been the two of us here.

    I swear on my life I'm kind and don't do anything wrong (except the odd gaming session on Fallout 4), but I don't do anything bad to her. I do everything, and I do mean everything for her.

    She's blacked out asleep, I don't know how she is awake, she is quite heavily dosed with zopiclone and lorazepam, but it doesn't work when she is in a fury, and tbh, she is in a fury every evening. She gets sundown syndrome and it's terrible during the winter evenings.

    I'm so, so sorry for moaning, but I just can't cope with the way she is, and the way she's making me feel. I try so hard to make things nice.
     
  7. Badgeman

    Badgeman Registered User

    Feb 22, 2014
    97
    You are right, but my GP will do nothing, and I'm still waiting for the SS to re-contact me. I live in a very rural area, and everything gets shut down during the holidays.

    Mum destroys any numbers she finds. It sounds silly, but she does in case I put her away. Something I've been trying to avoid for years.

    I feel really bad for saying this, but maybe I shouldn't have. She's really ill, and I think it's now beyond me. If I sound a total git, I'm sorry.
     
  8. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,556
    Female
    Scotland
    There is not a single one of us who think you are a git. This illness is overwhelming even without the violence. I think you need to involve the police as they are the most effective. Their reports cannot be ignored and being sectioned could be the best thing for her in terms of getting the right treatment.

    Phone 999 the next time she becomes violent and tell them you can't be in the same room as her.

    Good wishes.
     
  9. Havemercy

    Havemercy Registered User

    Oct 8, 2012
    114
    You can't goon like this - you sound as if you are at breaking point. When mum kicks off tonight suggest ringing 999 and letting the emergency operator hear her threats and screaming. Hopefully they will send at least an emergency first responder - to me it sounds as mum needs to be assessed in a safe place
     
  10. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    9,765
    Merseyside
    You do not sound a git at all.
    You've reached the end of your coping abilities & need help.
     
  11. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    Don't face this alone. 999 is always there and it sounds like you both need this help.

    You have reached your limit. Don't feel guilty as nobody can do better then their best. Many others would have never even tried. Being a carer to someone with dementia is so hard.

    Keep posting and let us know you are OK.
     
  12. Badgeman

    Badgeman Registered User

    Feb 22, 2014
    97
    Emergency SS have just left. There are no beds available in my area until Tuesday, but have upped her meds severely.

    To cut a long story short, she may be sectioned on Tuesday and I think it may be permenant, thus a nursing home etc.

    I'm concerned as I will lose the house and have to move. I feel guilty for worrying about myself, and I worry about my pet cats. I'm just being honest. I've been looking after her for so long now, I don't have much money and I don't know anything else.

    It's a terrible Illness, it sucks the life out everything everybody around them.
     
  13. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,740
    So pleased SS came back to you and have sorted out the meds. Others will be able to advise on the house situation - lots of us have gone through these really hard times and everything seems impossible at the time.
    You are exhausted and understandably stretched beyond your limits and stressed. Hopefully you will get some sleep now with the meds upped and you will start to feel a bit better in yourself.
    Of course you are worried but there is lots of advice on support here - so come here with your worries and people will help. Life has a strange way of working things out even though it doesn't seem possible at the moment, it is xxx

    Thinking of you
     
  14. Candlelight 67

    Candlelight 67 Registered User

    Nov 4, 2013
    167
    West Sussex
    I am pleased to hear the emergency team have now been. At the very least you are on their radar now. I hope the upped medicine make your mother a little easier to deal with. Take one step at a time. And you have nothing to be ashamed of in wandering about your own housing needs. You will get there. Both of you.
     
  15. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    Try to rest and take it a day at a time. Face each problem as it comes. You can never predict the future. Keep posting so you know we are here and wecknow you are ok.
     
  16. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    58,719
    Female
    Dundee
    I'm sorry things are so bad for you. You've certainly done the right thing.

    Please keep in touch on the forum over the weekend/Monday. There will always be someone here to try to support you.
     
  17. Spiro

    Spiro Registered User

    Mar 11, 2012
    522
    If things haven't improved in a few hours - then dial 999.

    If you wait until later, you could end up being sent to another hospital if your nearest hospital doesn't have any beds. Either that, or you'll end up waiting in A & E for hours. I speak from experience, having spent the night in our local one and that was on a weekday.

    This is the reality of the NHS these days, especially on Bank Holidays and weekends.

    Please don't be alarmed by my comments; I just don't want your or your Mum to suffer any more distress. It may take a while for the meds to start working.

    Do let us know how things are.
     
  18. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Poor you! :( It really sounds as if you are at the end of your store of mental and physical strength. You are not superhuman, there is only so much you can do and it seems you have struggled on without help.

    I hope you have a peaceful few days with the extra meds but, if not, I second the advice to phone 999 if mum kicks off again. You should not have to put your own life or health at risk xx
     
  19. missmarple

    missmarple Registered User

    Jan 14, 2013
    206
    Badgeman i can only echo what everyone else is saying, the situation is not tenable and i am not surprised they are going to section her. my Dad nearly was sectioned 2 years ago, but I think one reason he wasn't is that there just weren't any beds available.
    You mention your fear of losing your home. Just wondering- could you in any way be classed as vulnerable eg do you have physical/ mental health difficulties (you absolutely do not need to answer this and there is nothing in your post that suggests you do). If you can be classed as a vulnerable adult Social Services will not be able to get their hands on the house and force a sale to pay for care, and you will retain the right to live there.
    I know this because my dad who has AD has lived with my brother who has mental health difficulties for years, and bro will not have to move out when Dad goes into care. I have received legal advice on this.
     
  20. Kazza-72

    Kazza-72 Registered User

    Dec 15, 2015
    61
    Chiswick, London
    Badgeman I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you and your cats will be ok, I totally sympathise as I am facing the same issue. Do you have any other family?


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     

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