You are DEFINATELY not the worst person on earth - you are the best sort of daughter a Mother could have!
It is very early days yet - I think your Mum needs time to adapt to a completely new place and situation, just as we would.
You must have gone through a lot of soul searching before you arranged for your Mum to go into the care home - it’s not a thing done lightly by anyone, If you were to change your mind now, it would be like taking two steps forward and three steps back. Mum would be in a large, remote crumbling home with you hours away if anything happened. She would not be better in her own home than she was before, and as the months go by, she would likely be getting worse and worse. She may end up falling or locking herself out - she may end up in hospital, or in a psychiatric ward being assessed for weeks, or worse - it’s a bit like waiting for a train crash. You have actually done the hardest part now, and hopefully will find a way forward from here.
My MIL has been in a care home for 9 weeks now, and although she still packs, it is becoming less frequent. She’s not totally happy, but she’s a lot happier than she was when in her own home. Physically, she is transformed with the regular meals and having her fluid intake monitored - she went in there with five leg ulcers, and she now has one small one - she just looks so much better. The unceasing agitation and anguish about keys, curtains, appointments, her ‘situation’ - husband leaving her for another woman (ie; her son leaving her for me - the strumpet that I am!) virtually gone!!
On a visit a couple of weeks ago, we caught sight of MIL before she saw us. She was sitting in the coffee bar with a group of ladies absolutely laughing her head off - I haven’t seen her do that for about 2 years, and it was wonderful to see.
You obviously know your Mum best, but do you think it might make her settle better if you visited her less frequently for the time being? (You also sound like you could do with a break as well…) I am convinced that as soon as MIL sees us, it sets off ‘the going home’ loop - we just distract, or tell her the doctor needs her to stay there to convalesce. Not a good feeling for us, but it saves tears and head wringing and agitation for her.
We still feel terribly guilty - it just goes with the territory - but we know we have done the right thing, and I bet in your heart, you know you have too. I hope things go well for you.