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Mum and dad care package


New member
Aug 6, 2022
Hi I am after some advice regarding mum and dads care. Dad is in the advanced stages of vascular dementia and mum has mid stage Alzheimer’s. I have cared for my parents at home for the last 4 years. We have had carers in for the last 2 years on four calls a day. Dad has recently deteriorated and is refusing all personal care ( he is doubly incontinent) and getting increasingly aggressive. Mum doesn’t want care as she isn’t aware that she needs it. A district nurse visited dad recently and raised her concerns with SS, who came out to do a welfare check on dad. SS agreed with the care company and myself to increase the care package to two carers on each call and give an extra 45 minutes while dad waits for a medication review. 3 days later dad has become so aggressive they have admitted him to hospital to have review carried out there. Mum has caught an infection from dad smearing and has also ended up in hospital. I feel I am really struggling to cope with the demands of their care. My health is suffering as well as my
own family life with my children. I have told SS I can’t go on much longer like this. The hospital think
dad needs 24 hour care and won’t release him home. Mum is in the same dementia ward as dad. SS disagree and want them both back home with additional 45 mins care at home. I have looked around a local care home and can now see it would be the best thing as mum will get social aspect and dad gets 24 hour care. They own their own home and I have poa. Can I insist we want to sell the home and put them in a care home if SS don’t agree? I have worked out the property will fund about 18 months of care for the 2 of them.


Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
Welcome to the forum @Scampy0.

I’m so sorry to read about your situation. It sounds heartbreaking.

As far as I know if your parents are self funding then social services don’t need to be involved. I suppose the issue would be when their funds run out. Perhaps this link would be helpful.



Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
Have you spoken to the hospital SW, or just SS? Its the hospital SW who you need to speak to. If the hospital is saying that they wont allow your dad home I cant see how they can argue with that.

I think you will have to dig your heels in over this.


Registered User
Jun 6, 2020
As they are both in hospital you are in the 'best' situation - if best is the right word in dementia care - The hospital won't want your Dad readmitted after discharge - it costs them money as they are fined for a failed discharge .
Talk to the hospital Social worker and give them the FULL picture of home life for your parents and that you are at or very near to carer breakdown. Hopefully you can get at least your Dad a discharge to assess bed - a bed in a care home for 4-6 weeks to see how things really are and then a decision is made as to what happens next.
I can see that you wish for both of them to go into care but it might be worth considering them not as a couple but as individuals with separate needs - we had to do this for my in laws as we had to get FIL away from MIL at the earliest opportunity and then deal with her later.
You will have to be firm that you cannot carry on as things were but it is hard to fight 'the system' and sometimes
the LA social workers are wrong.

My Mum's Daughter

Registered User
Feb 8, 2020
I have told SS I can’t go on much longer like this

Recently my Mum was admitted to hospital and it became clear that she needed 24 hour care. When they mentioned sending her home with a small care package, I asked who was going to look after her for the remainder of the day and all night; they looked my way!. I'm afraid that my foot went down firmly and I said that I was no longer able to meet her needs or provide 24 hour care. As Mum's own social worker said to me, "stand firm and don't give in". Mum went directly to a care home from the hospital