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Mr D has,Alzheimers, cognitive impairmrny and physical disabilities

Daisy1950

Registered User
May 20, 2020
20
It's lonely, frustrating and so difficult . He is generally content, until I shout in frustration and then he just says, please don't shout. This is no what I thought my retirement would be
 

Daisy1950

Registered User
May 20, 2020
20
It's lonely, frustrating and so difficult . He is generally content, until I shout in frustration and then he just says, please don't shout. This is no what I thought my retirement would be
Sorry for typos, mobile in the sun, not the best tool.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,517
Kent
So many plans falling apart. So many of us share your sorrow and frustration @Daisy1950 I hope the feelings of isolation will ease a little here on Dementia Talking Point.
 

Daisy1950

Registered User
May 20, 2020
20
So many plans falling apart. So many of us share your sorrow and frustration @Daisy1950 I hope the feelings of isolation will ease a little here on Dementia Talking Point.
Oh, thank you.
So many plans falling apart. So many of us share your sorrow and frustration @Daisy1950 I hope the feelings of isolation will ease a little here on Dementia Talking Point.
Thank you. I know, it is only going to get worse & I dread life without him, but I rarely see the man I married, these days. ( only 16 years ago, a second chance, I thought)
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
1,946
Dorset
I thought having The Banjoman in my life was a second chance too, and it was. Unfortunately it didn’t last as long as I expected and we weren’t married but I have memories of the good times before dementia crept up on us and I became his carer and they keep me going now after he died last October. I deliberately think back to those times and do my best to forget about the rough ones.
 

Daisy1950

Registered User
May 20, 2020
20
I thought having The Banjoman in my life was a second chance too, and it was. Unfortunately it didn’t last as long as I expected and we weren’t married but I have memories of the good times before dementia crept up on us and I became his carer and they keep me going now after he died last October. I deliberately think back to those times and do my best to forget about the rough ones.
It's just so difficult, not only to see the man you love deteriorate but to see life disappearing and not being able to do anythi mng but wait for release.
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
674
We've only been together 17 years and not married, who can foresee what the future holds and the reasons why. It's horrendous watching an intelligent man reduced to a dependent child. A roller coaster of emotions all the way, sometimes angry, sometimes sad, sometimes hate, sometimes love, sometimes frustration, sometimes even laughter ......
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
347
i know heartbreaking when they depend on you to tell them what channel on tv to put on for their programme. he has vascular dementia and copd. weve been together for 31yrs but im his 3rd wife so third time lucky 19yrs older than me. ive lost some of him but ive gain some as well.taking each day as it comes and always with a sense of humour. whole range of emotion sad but he wont want to watch me breakdown because of what is happening to him so i cry alone and he says when i smile the whole world smiles with me.
 

Baby Sister

Registered User
Sep 12, 2019
14
54
Hello Jennifer
My husband is 16 years older than me. He's 70 I'm 54. He was diagnosed 3 yrs ago with Alzheimers (speech and language variety) so words very difficult, some conversations like charades; I have to guess.

We have an 18 year old son awaiting A Level results.

Before COVID we had a good routine of him getting to a table tennis club while I swam and two male companions (friends) to assist him, one with DIY one gardening.

Now it's all me...and it's that that is exhausting. Its the having to think about everything, do lots of it and go before and behind him to minimise the work he najes by trying to help. Added to this the emotional strain of losing the relationship. Basically I juat seem to always want a break!

BTW.. In addition to TV, I've found my OH (other half) enjoys talking books (free from RNIB). I download ones he's read and is familiar with. Had to register, a bit of a faff but worth it. Spotify music also great...so easy to find music he likes.

On the positive..our son (who currently lives 5 mins away on his own as he found living with his Dad's dementia too stressful - behavioural changes - and to study aswell) comes over to relieve me two afternoons a week which I'm very grateful for.

I've been on a few courses with "Dementia Carers count"..I was lucky to get "relief cover" from OHs relatives to go.

That's all..I wondered if, with an older husband, youd relate to some of my story.
Hang in there..also recently dipping into "the Selfish Pig's Guide to Caring" by Hugh Marriott. I've also read something off "Contented dementia". Obviously bits of each very helpful.

God Bless...keep going

Baby Sister..Debbie
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
674
Hi @Baby Sister , I'm just a couple of years older than you and my OH is a bit older than your husband, I understand what you're going through as mine is further along the path, into 5th year since Alzheimer's diagnosis. Sadly he doesn't watch TV anymore of have interest in anything much. I can recommend exercise though, keep it going as long as possible. Also time to yourself is vital, having carers in a couple of times a week saves my sanity - he used to go to day care before Covid and I worked 3 days a week.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
347
hello @babysister im a year younger than you but my husband is 72 19yrs age gap. he has vascular dementia and he loves the tv and ive discovered he likes music so can have my stereo on now. hes losing bits each day and is so mellow with it and even more lovable. i have an hour each after noon where i go to my room and he watches his rubbish tv. gives us time away from each other.i get up earlier and can read in peace. i know that it wont always be the case but but am thankful for it while i can
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
1,444
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
Have to agree with the pain of today, the yearnings for yesterday and fears of tomorrow that we all share. For me it the ending of caravanning and travelling after 40 years, 26 of which were shared by Pauline who now doesn’t even want to go to the shops (Lockdown aside). For the last two years she was well enough to look after herself while I carried on travelling solo but now she needs companionship practically 24/7 because of confusions and memory loss. I know I shouldn’t complain as I am just weeks off being 78 but I am still fit and well enough to live a full life rather than this TV dominated one in a living room with permanently closed blinds so as not to spoil the picture.
 

Baby Sister

Registered User
Sep 12, 2019
14
54
hello @babysister im a year younger than you but my husband is 72 19yrs age gap. he has vascular dementia and he loves the tv and ive discovered he likes music so can have my stereo on now. hes losing bits each day and is so mellow with it and even more lovable. i have an hour each after noon where i go to my room and he watches his rubbish tv. gives us time away from each other.i get up earlier and can read in peace. i know that it wont always be the case but but am thankful for it while i can
Thank you. My main error is expecting too much of him. I take on projects like pressure washing the driveway then getting frustrated when he's going round in circles and I'm exhausted trying to actually finish. I have to remember that even planting carrots is a challenge for him! I must've keep it simple...Simplify Simplify and enjoy the simplest life. Can't just let the house go completely though 😔..I do get something time to myself.
Thanks
Debbie
 

Baby Sister

Registered User
Sep 12, 2019
14
54
Hi @Baby Sister , I'm just a couple of years older than you and my OH is a bit older than your husband, I understand what you're going through as mine is further along the path, into 5th year since Alzheimer's diagnosis. Sadly he doesn't watch TV anymore of have interest in anything much. I can recommend exercise though, keep it going as long as possible. Also time to yourself is vital, having carers in a couple of times a week saves my sanity - he used to go to day care before Covid and I worked 3 days a week.
Thanks for this.
How did you first introduce the two afternoons of care and are you still having it during lock down..? PPE and do on..
Thanks Debbie
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
347
Thank you. My main error is expecting too much of him. I take on projects like pressure washing the driveway then getting frustrated when he's going round in circles and I'm exhausted trying to actually finish. I have to remember that even planting carrots is a challenge for him! I must've keep it simple...Simplify Simplify and enjoy the simplest life. Can't just let the house go completely though 😔..I do get something time to myself.
Thanks
Debbie
hi i have to do everything inside and out except cook as he has the bonus of copd which leaves him very breathless, .i try to do small things each day if it takes me 2 attempts then so be it. the house gets clean and the grass gets cut. i have a bad back so sometimes have to take the day off. there is always tomorrow.