@Jan L you've found the strength to be a carer and deal with all the other stuff life has thrown at you so I'm pretty sure you'll manage a holiday, but it's bound to make you tearful because you'll always be thinking of what you two would talk about and how much he would enjoy it - sadly our PWDs are past that, hard though it is to accept. My partner will now and again say can we go to such and such a place (whatever is on the TV usually), we have both travelled a lot, and I say yes we will. But of course we won't because it would be too stressful for him and for me and he would forget everything 5 minutes after it happened anyway. I hope there are other people that you might be able to share thoughts with.Thank you for your kind words and encouragement, I know what I have to do but am afraid of taking the first step to letting go, the idea of a holiday without him there to share it upsets me just thinking about it. He is still in his PJ's I got him out of bed at 9.30 am, took him to the toilet, washed his hands and face, cleaned his teeth, shaved him sorted his breakfast. He only drank half his coffee before he got up, went into the front room, sat on the settee and went back to sleep. I will wake him again to give him his lunch, try and persuade him to have a shower and get dressed, then perhaps we can walk up the close or go a ride round in the car but I am not holding my breath, I feel another day in my life slipping away from me. I wish you well in dealing with your current situation and the journey ahead. Once again thank you for your reply.