Thank you all for your replies. Ever single one resonates with me, particularly Grannie G/Sylvi.
“I didn'`t grieve for my mother either. She gave me a hard time as a child and as a carer. It was a relief when I was freed from my duty.”
Wow, this is exactly how I would sum up the whole situation. I’m not looking forward to the funeral, selfishly because people will give polite platitudes and expect me to be ‘feeling’ a certain way. My wonderful daughter, who knew and saw the behaviour throughout the years, volunteered and has written the most appropriate eulogy already. She has worded it respectfully and positively but not added any fluffy untruths or tried to perpetuate the myth that Mother always tried to create about herself.
I spent my whole life, from childhood to middle age, trying to either keep Mother happy or meet with her approval. She could destroy my efforts with a single vicious comment but with regard to her care in her later years, my conscience is clear. Even if she was furious with me, I knew that I did the correct thing to initially employ carers and eventually to move her to a CH. Everyone is so right - it’s time to move on and live my life without having the guilt monkey on my back.
It’s strange to reflect back over the last 18 months since Mother’s first Alzheimer’s and subsequent cancer diagnosis. We’ve had to deal with her very steady decline plus the major issues we had last year with MIL and our battle with SS - who is incidentally, very happy and settled in the CH. Here’s to hoping we are about to enter a period of tranquilit!
“I didn'`t grieve for my mother either. She gave me a hard time as a child and as a carer. It was a relief when I was freed from my duty.”
Wow, this is exactly how I would sum up the whole situation. I’m not looking forward to the funeral, selfishly because people will give polite platitudes and expect me to be ‘feeling’ a certain way. My wonderful daughter, who knew and saw the behaviour throughout the years, volunteered and has written the most appropriate eulogy already. She has worded it respectfully and positively but not added any fluffy untruths or tried to perpetuate the myth that Mother always tried to create about herself.
I spent my whole life, from childhood to middle age, trying to either keep Mother happy or meet with her approval. She could destroy my efforts with a single vicious comment but with regard to her care in her later years, my conscience is clear. Even if she was furious with me, I knew that I did the correct thing to initially employ carers and eventually to move her to a CH. Everyone is so right - it’s time to move on and live my life without having the guilt monkey on my back.
It’s strange to reflect back over the last 18 months since Mother’s first Alzheimer’s and subsequent cancer diagnosis. We’ve had to deal with her very steady decline plus the major issues we had last year with MIL and our battle with SS - who is incidentally, very happy and settled in the CH. Here’s to hoping we are about to enter a period of tranquilit!