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Moral dilemma.

Champers

Registered User
Jan 3, 2019
228
Incredibly, Mother is still here. She sleeps 95% of the time but is still eating and drinking small amounts and takes herself to her en-suite toilet in the CH. I think everyone is quite amazed. We’re all in this kind of limbo. We know it will be any time and every time the phone rings I’m thinking this is it. All quite surreal.
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,636
East of England
My heart goes out to you and I recognised your description immediately because my husband who finally died last Thursday in the early hours was the same and remained wanting to go to the toilet until the day before. It is very hard but we just had to endure because we knew that it is impossible to say when the human body will finally give in the to the stresses. I am so sorry for your suffering and send you all my thoughts and support at this moment.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,658
Incredibly, Mother is still here. She sleeps 95% of the time but is still eating and drinking small amounts and takes herself to her en-suite toilet in the CH. I think everyone is quite amazed. We’re all in this kind of limbo. We know it will be any time and every time the phone rings I’m thinking this is it. All quite surreal.
Sending (((hugs))) only having gone through the “waiting” game can have I truly experienced the torment & emotions that brings
X
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
11,662
South coast
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
It seems amazing how the body can hold onto life.
I think many of us have played this waiting game - I know I did.
xxx
 

Champers

Registered User
Jan 3, 2019
228
Mother fell on Monday and broke her hip, never regained consciousness and just faded away on Tuesday afternoon. I popped in to visit her at around 4pm. It was pretty clear she was close to the end as she was very cool and her breathing was shallow. I told her she was loved and said my goodbyes and left. 3/4 hour later I received the call to tell me she had gone.

I‘m working through the inevitable admin that follows a death and whilst I feel sad that a life is over, I feel ashamed to say I haven’t cried or felt very upset. I’m not sure if that’s because we never had a good relationship or it’s just not hit me yet. My two adult children are feeling the same too. my Uncle, her brother, was a totally different personality. He never married through choice nor had a family, but was absolutely brilliant with me as a child and my own two always treated him like a grandad. We were all distraught when he died 9 years ago as he could always relate to us all. Strange that two siblings could be so different.
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
1,618
Dorset
It takes time for it all to hit home. Sometimes the tears come later when something trips a memory.
Thinking of you.
Carol.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,016
So sorry @Champers. There s no 'right' way to feel about your mother's death, just the way that is right for you.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
11,662
South coast
I didnt cry at all for mum for 3 months or more.
There are no hard and fast rules. Whatever happens is right for you.
xxx
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
584
My condolences @Champers, sorry to hear of your Mum's passing. I was extremely close to my Mum but I didn't shed a tear for quite some time, it was very strange, I felt numb and shell-shocked. Dementia is often referred to as the long goodbye and on reflection I think we can go through a lot of grieving for the person we once knew as during the progression of the awful disease. Take care of yourself.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,702
Kent
We are not duty bound to shed tears for those who die @Champers, especially if the relationship wasn`t particularly good when they were well.

You did your best for your mum, making sure she had the right care and you mustn`t feel guilty now she has gone,

We grieve for those who leave a hole in our lives. We grieve for our loss rather than their death. Their suffering is over.

I didn`t grieve for my mother either. She gave me a hard time as a child and as a carer. It was a relief when I was freed from my duty.

Do what you need to do for your mother, as far as arrangements and administration are concerned and then get back to living your life.
 

Bod

Registered User
Aug 30, 2013
1,219
I grieved more over the loss of a dog, than either parent.
Everyone is different, and everyone is right, for themselves.

Bod