Visited mum on Monday. I will use my usual phrase to describe her - the same but worse.
I thought I'd say a bit about my care home experience. I've been visiting every week for the past two and a half years yet the place is still a mystery to me. I don't even know how many residents there are - I'd guess 30-40 over two floors. But I just go in, head to the lift, go up to mum's room, visit then leave. I rarely interact much with anyone else. Usually I will see a carer or two on my way and we say a brief hello. There are usually a couple of people (residents) in each of the lounges though sometimes the place is like the Marie Celeste. I have no idea how much is currently occupied as some residents are bedbound and others (like mum) rarely leave their rooms.
There's a nice activities lady though I rarely see any activities taking place. To be honest I'm not sure most residents are up to it. I have seen a few seasonal things - Easter bonnet making, dressed up staff and a singer on Remembrance Day and there's always plenty of cheer at Christmas. The rest of the time it seems the activities lady mainly visits residents to paint nails and chat. Which is OK.
But there is no lively atmosphere. The few souls I meet wandering look lost, the sad ones in the lounge unable to move from their chairs and stuck in front of another antique show or quiz they can't follow. Pretty sad really.
There is a core of long-term regular staff, some I like, others I don't. There are carers I see once then never again - presumably temp/agency staff. There are care notes in each resident's room though these are often poorly/imcompletely filled in. Often they are illegible. (Or just amusing, e.g. '2 profitor rolls'.)
I usually visit about 3-4 in the afternoon, which limits what I see. Often the manager has gone (or is elsewhere) and the office is shut up, though I can email the manager and she is quite responsive. The home has a nurse on the premises 24/7 which is good.
There are a million things I could complain about but I rarely do. Overall mum's care is good. I 'don't sweat the small stuff' because I think it is immensely hard to give each and every resident the care they deserve, all the time, with such a tight staff budget. And care homes evolve. A lot can change if a couple of occupants leave or when new ones arrive. Same with staff.
Do I trust them? No, not entirely. There have been some things I really haven't been happy with and at least one member of staff is dishonest. (The manager agrees but it is impossible to prove.) I feel the management company have their own agenda and 'best care for individuals' is not at the top of their priority list. I think 'adequate care' is what they go for. We have to watch the invoices because they don't think twice about charging for hairdressing every week even if the hairdresser hasn't been for some reason. It's as if they know you won't be sure what has/hasn't happened because 1) you're not there all the time to observe and 2) the accounts of our PWDs are not reliable. But they've had over 100 grand from my mother already and know she isn't going to run out of money. The cynic in me says that makes her a desirable resident so I know they will try to 'keep me sweet'.
I've written this account because I feel my CH experience differs somewhat from that of others, who seem far more involved in the CH 'community' and where their care homes seem happy, lively places. (Thinking of you
@kindred !) Mum's place, though it is bright and clean and individual staff are cheerful and helpful, just seems.... I don't know.... like a place where people are just shut away quietly until they die. I have never seen anyone there 'living well with dementia'.