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Mental capacity assessment

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
12,137
0
Yorkshire
mmm @yorkie46 it may be difficult for them, but for me it's part of their role ... you have a right to time for yourself ... the staff could be distracting your husband ... wluld they tell z 'love lie'/'therapeutic untruth' eg you mentioned that you'd be out shopping ?
 

yorkie46

Registered User
Jan 28, 2014
400
0
Southampton
I don't know that I could rely on the staff to do that, I'm not finding communication with them easy. The nurses I have spoken to so far are not English and understanding on both sides seems to be a little uncertain. I'm not doubting their ability to do their job but their telephone communication skills are not good. Today I have phoned the home a couple of times to try to find out how he has been but it just goes to an answer phone. I left a message but haven't had a response. The administrator who usually answers the phone is English but isn't there at weekends. I intend trying to phone her tomorrow to try to sort out a few things, one being the issue of when I can visit. At first I was told as soon as they had a negative result from his PCR but I have also been told that because he was admitted from hospital he can't have visitors for 10 days. This seems strange when he is mixing with other residents. The other reason I don't think those sorts of explanations would be any good is because his dementia is not so advanced that he would accept this.
 

Thethirdmrsc

Registered User
Apr 4, 2018
654
0
Today I visited my husband in his home, and he told me he was bored, lonely and wanted to die. Donald walks about the corridor and is bored. There are only 6 staff for 21 residents, so they can’t have 1 to 1, no home does. But I witnessed the nurse, who was on tea trolley duty, deal with Jimmy who had a toilet accident, being so lovely and compassionate with him that I cried. Some homes might not get it right, but they all try, and I know that they talk to him and engage him, but he just doesn’t understand. But it’s the best place for him. If he was at home I would be angry and frustrated and couldn’t cope. Coping is not easy for the untrained.
 

yorkie46

Registered User
Jan 28, 2014
400
0
Southampton
Well I don't know if my husband is beginning to settle but my last phone conversation was better. He told me someone had told him it takes time to get used to it but he said he doesn't want to get used to it! He seems to have taken part in some activities and I've seen on the Facebook page that they have some animals taken in today including a lamb! He would enjoy that. One of the biggest problems we are having now is getting anyone to answer the phone. I can get through to the administrator most times during the day but getting through to speak to a nurse has been really difficult. I've left messages on their answerphone but they never phone back. Today I tried to speak to the manager, again an answerphone, left a message but he hasn't called back. My daughter has been trying to get through to speak to her dad this evening but hasn't been able to. None of this will help him to settle, were concerned he will feel abandoned! I also discovered today that they don't have visiting at weekends!!!!!! I really can't understand this. The administrator said I will have to speak to the manager to see if he will allow it. If not I don't know when my daughter and grandson will be able to see him.
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
3,135
0
North West
Well I don't know if my husband is beginning to settle but my last phone conversation was better. He told me someone had told him it takes time to get used to it but he said he doesn't want to get used to it! He seems to have taken part in some activities and I've seen on the Facebook page that they have some animals taken in today including a lamb! He would enjoy that. One of the biggest problems we are having now is getting anyone to answer the phone. I can get through to the administrator most times during the day but getting through to speak to a nurse has been really difficult. I've left messages on their answerphone but they never phone back. Today I tried to speak to the manager, again an answerphone, left a message but he hasn't called back. My daughter has been trying to get through to speak to her dad this evening but hasn't been able to. None of this will help him to settle, were concerned he will feel abandoned! I also discovered today that they don't have visiting at weekends!!!!!! I really can't understand this. The administrator said I will have to speak to the manager to see if he will allow it. If not I don't know when my daughter and grandson will be able to see him.
Getting through to the care home and the right unit is always a problem and takes some patience, but you will get used to it. The time to worry is when they call you either because there has been an altercation, a fall or there is news of illness -I find that worse because I know I will get called if something happens and it freqeuntly does happen usually over non-incidental issues i.e. mum slipped etc. But I always worry when the day will come about 'The Call' and that is something else in the scheme of things as you watch someone slowly demise.
 

yorkie46

Registered User
Jan 28, 2014
400
0
Southampton
So my hopes about him enjoying the animals were short lived. My daughter phoned him this evening and asked him about it but he said he didn't see any animals. Why then did their Facebook page say every resident had seen them even those who are confined to their room? So now he's grumpy again. Nothing is right and he hopes he can come home soon. She explained to him yet again that if he comes home he will be stuck in his bedroom on his own most of the time because it will be impossible for him to access the rest of the bungalow. He says he doesn't mind that and seems to think friends will visit. What friends, we don't have any young enough to visit. The layout of the bungalow makes it impossible to get him outside unless carried out by ambulance staff. If he comes home we are totally reliant on carers 4 times a day which will be erratic and I won't be able to help him in between or at night. If I leave him where he is he complains that nothing is done properly or at the times he wants it and he's uncomfortable and unhappy. No matter how many times he's to to he won't use his call button because he 'doesn't want to rock the boat '. No idea what boat bug he'd far rather rock mine! So far from beginning to settle I now think we're back to square one.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,836
0
Nottinghamshire
Hi @yorkie46 , I think the best thing to do when your husband talks about coming home is not to try and engage in a logical conversation about it, but just say yes, you can come home, but you've got to get well first, and at the moment the doctors would like you stay where you are. Then talk about something totally different.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,433
0
South coast
He couldnt remember seeing the animals @yorkie46
I remember taking mum out from her care home to see the local village fate. We couldnt go more than a few yards without someone coming up to say hello. When we got back one of the carers asked if she had had a good time mum said yes - but it was a pity she didnt see anyone...........

He is bound to have good days and bad days. It doesnt mean that he is back to square one. Please stop trying to explain why he cant go home - he just wont be able to understand. In his own mind he is perfectly capable and it will just make him more angry.
 

yorkie46

Registered User
Jan 28, 2014
400
0
Southampton
Well I've now discovered that he didn't see the animals!! The Facebook page which said they had visited today referred to something that happened a week ago before he arrived at the home! It seems entries onto Facebook are not done immediately so I can't rely on them being accurate when they say something has happened today. Not very helpful really but now I know not to try to talk to him about something I've seen on there. However I have discovered during a conversation with him on the phone yesterday that he is not aware of where he is a lot of the time. He told me he had been out in the afternoon to a house he couldn't remember the name of and he had watched a tv there and it was a programme he'd seen before about selling houses. After this conversation I spoke to a carer who told me he hadn't been out anywhere. He had only been from his room which is upstairs to the lounge downstairs in the lift. She said he had asked to go back to his room during the morning and then had wanted to go back down a bit later. She said it was a bit like the tv show 'Are you being served'! She was very nice and I managed to have a good conversation about some of the things he has told me or complained about to me. He seemed a bit less anxious yesterday, only asked about coming home once 'if I can put up with him'! I tried not to get into conversation about it but it's clear from speaking to the carer that he still needs a considerable amount of help to move about. He was pleased that I've told him I will be visiting on Monday. I just hope Monday is a good day.
Has anyone else come across a home that doesn't allow visiting at weekends? I'm hoping to speak to the manager about this on Monday but it seems very strange to me and is going to make it very difficult for my daughter and grandson to visit.
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
4,075
0
Dorset
Well no visitors at the weekend sounds ridiculous considering the vast majority of residents are going to be older and their families are probably of working age and can only visit at weekends. It would be interesting to learn whether or not that has always been the policy or just implemented since COVID-19 to try to keep the number of visitors down at any one time if they all have to be tested before admission. They might be struggling with staffing numbers at the weekend to deal with testing.
 

thistlejak

Registered User
Jun 6, 2020
238
0
The Nursing Home MIL is in does not have visiting at weekend due to Covid issues - before Covid we could go anytime.
It is due to staffing as the booking visits, testing and sorting/cleaning the rooms is done by the Activities Coordinators who work during the week -leaving all the caring staff to still do their jobs.
We were told the other day that there is a review of the rules at the end of April - we will wait and see.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,836
0
Nottinghamshire
It sounds like your husband is beginning to settle @yorkie46. My mum also would think she was somewhere else when I took her down in the lift to the coffee shop in her previous care home. She'd look out of the window and think the rest of the home was a block of flats, and quite nice. Glad you sorted out the Facebook confusion too.
As for the no weekend visiting. I think covid hit homes hard, and they probably just don't have the staff to be able to manage visits at weekends at the moment. Mum's care home has really opened up in the last week or so. I can go to her room and even pop into the residents lounge. I hope your husband's home follows suit shortly, but in the meantime chat to them about it. They may be able to organise your daughter visiting as a one off.
Fingers crossed your visit goes well on Monday. Just deflect any conversation about wanting to go home with a 'when the doctor says you can' sort of statement. Also try to slip away rather than making a big deal of saying goodbye. It sounds mean, but goodbyes can lead to upset for both of you.
 

yorkie46

Registered User
Jan 28, 2014
400
0
Southampton
I haven't updated recently because I seem to have been so busy! I'm hoping my husband is beginning to get used to being in the nursing home. He still mentions coming home but usually in relation to something else like food! He is taking part in a lot of activities which is so good for him. I still have incredible problems with communication with care home staff. I've tried writing a letter to the manager and sending an email via the administrator. Neither of these have elicited a direct communication from the manager himself. I have had phone calls from nurses on odd occasions which have obviously been because they were told to phone me but they don't seem to understand a lot of the things I say! I've also had problems getting visiting slots for myself and my daughter. I have now become an essential caregiver which in some strange way bypasses the homes visit allocation and allows me to visit at pretty much any time! In order to do this I have to do a weekly PCR test and a lateral flow on the day I visit! It doesn't help with getting visits for my daughter and I'm not allowed to take her with me on my visit but I can take my grandson! I'm also still finding it impossible to find out how much information they have regarding my husband's current condition and past medical history. All these things are causing me concern and taking up an inordinate amount of my time. As yet we have no allocated social worker and we have a Teams meeting for CHC funding assessment on Wednesday. I can't work out whether the lack of communication is because he is a D2A resident or if it's just how they are. I just don't feel its at all helpful to anyone. I'm hoping that when we get a social worker I will have someone who can help me with this. Maybe it's just me and perhaps I should just let them get on with what they're doing without wanting to know things about his care and wellbeing!
Now to my question. He is on D2A and has been in the nursing home four weeks on Wednesday. Who is responsible for the assessment of his long term needs? I understand NHS funding ceases after six weeks so if we don't have a social worker before then when do I expect to start paying for his care?
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
4,836
0
Nottinghamshire
I'm glad your husband is settling in the care home, but how annoying that they aren't communicating with your properly. Maybe next time you are there hang around in reception and ask to talk to the manager?
I have no experience about the next stage, so I hope someone comes along who does. However reminding your local social work department that your husband only has two more weeks before someone has to start paying might chivvy them up a bit.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
3,190
0
High Peak
I may be wrong but I think when someone is on a D2A bed and waiting for a CHC decision, they have to keep paying until that decision is made.