I am very fortunate in that my piglet ( wife) bless her still loves ME and really enjoys the meals I make. But lately she tends to misplace me and substitute some one else in her head. This evening we were watching the repair shop on telly and she suddenly said " do you get this programme on your tv at home" I just said yes, it's easier than explaining and therefore confusing and worrying her. The thing is who does she think I am.? If you allow yourself not to get stressed and just go with it, It is quite funny in a surreal sort of way. Along with wheres your car ( we only have one car and have had for years) and won't your family wonder where you are?. Funny disease isn't it. The only problem i'm having is trying to keep up with her brain skipping about and it's making me very tired.
just another little thing
- Thread starter tonebear
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I also found it quite stressful @tonebear not knowing ‘who I am’? I can be daughter, friend from school, friend from university ……we are usually in a routine and it doesn’t come up, but she will suddenly ’where’s your family?’, or ‘are you seeing ur mum’ and BANG it’s there 😢😢
Like you I try not to get stressed and go with the amusement factor but I think it probably is a stress for us deep down that is taking up some of our emotional energy and reserve……
Like you I try not to get stressed and go with the amusement factor but I think it probably is a stress for us deep down that is taking up some of our emotional energy and reserve……
I understand it is strange @tonebear but its always best to go along with what is misunderstood.
Have you worked out if this is more likely to be late afternoon/ early evening and is sundowning? Could it be when your wife is tired?
I doubt it`s permanent and just happens at certain times of the day.
Have you worked out if this is more likely to be late afternoon/ early evening and is sundowning? Could it be when your wife is tired?
I doubt it`s permanent and just happens at certain times of the day.
Hi there. I have this all the time. Hubby thinks I am someone else. Normally I believe he thinks I am someone working at the house. He will ask me where did the other lady go or sometimes even where did the other chap go. Why didn't they say goodbye before they left. Of course ai have been the only person with him all day. I have sort of got used to it but it does drain me emotionally. My response I'm afraid does depend on how I am feeling. I do play along if I can and say oh they had to leave in a hurry but I do also tell him (when I'm not coping so ) that there hasn't been anyone else in the house-just me. Hus neurologist says he displays capgras like symptoms. I don't think there is a right or wrong way if managing this. I cope by doing what I feel is best at the time. Sending virtual hugs.
Thankyou everyone. Yes it gets a bit tiring, especially the trying to think round it and not react in the wrong way. I have in the past and the look of confusion on her face makes my want to cry ( my poor piglet).
Grannie G thanks for that thought, it may well be when she is tired as it's alway in the afternoon or evening.
The other thing i would like to mention is Praise. The other day i was at a family funeral. At the bun fight afterwards, so many of the family friends and relative told me what a great job i'm doing and thanking me for looking after piglet ( to them she is Kath or mum) , I nearly had a meltdown. So much so that I made the excuse of having to get back and left early. Why can't I take this sort of stuff without want to scream and cry. Is it just me?.
Grannie G thanks for that thought, it may well be when she is tired as it's alway in the afternoon or evening.
The other thing i would like to mention is Praise. The other day i was at a family funeral. At the bun fight afterwards, so many of the family friends and relative told me what a great job i'm doing and thanking me for looking after piglet ( to them she is Kath or mum) , I nearly had a meltdown. So much so that I made the excuse of having to get back and left early. Why can't I take this sort of stuff without want to scream and cry. Is it just me?.
No, it isn't just you. There was a thread a week or so ago about people praising our caring skills and how difficult it could be. I keep hearing people tell me 'I'm doing a great job' when I really am just getting through each problem, each day. I have had doctors, a social worker, total strangers and our carers all tell me this. What is it that they see? Do they just see he is looking happy (he is) and clean (he is) and that is because of me? But is that enough? I don't know. I do my best for the man I love and that HAS to be enough. I'm sure you are doing the same for Piglet. From this side of the computer screen it sounds like you are doing a great job (sorry!!).
@tonebear my wife will ask me where my father is. She thinks she's talking to one of our sons. She often gets a bit agitated when she asks me where the woman is who was sitting beside me earlier. Hallucinations can be a terrible thing but as long as you respond as if the person was actually there, she seems to accept the white lies. She also asks me regularly where her mother is.
A couple of months ago there was a film 🎥 on FILM 4 called FATHER. Anthony Hopkins played the PWD and Olivia Coleman played the daughter. It was based on him having Hallucinations. Initially I was confused seeing all these people coming and going until I realised we were seeing it through his eyes 👀. It really brought things home to me.
A couple of months ago there was a film 🎥 on FILM 4 called FATHER. Anthony Hopkins played the PWD and Olivia Coleman played the daughter. It was based on him having Hallucinations. Initially I was confused seeing all these people coming and going until I realised we were seeing it through his eyes 👀. It really brought things home to me.
My wife started with this a year ago when we were on a cruise and she started confusing me with being someone else. I could have been her Dad, my cousin, a total stranger, or some other relative. Unfortunately, this happens every day now particularly when she starts sundowning in the mid to late afternoon. I'm told this is Capgras syndrome. It upset me greatly to start with, but I have gotten used to it; now I just play a "dead bat" and answer non-committedly, and then it goes away. I have found that trying to correct her, only leads to more arguments and that is something that I try to avoid because it can become exhausting. She can be quite loving and close one minute, then the next she thinks I'm her Dad (and I'm not sure whether it is her stepdad or her real father) or another relative. I can minimize it by following a standard routine during the day which she gets used to. If she is faced with unfamiliar surroundings even a national trust or another town, it brings on this condition and she becomes unmanageable.
I had an amusing incident just after my last post this morning. My husband came in from his post-breakfast nap and I could tell he didn't know who I was. I asked him if he wanted to go out today or stay indoors. He said that depended what his other half wanted to do. I said that I'm his other half. He said no, his wife is probably downstairs. I told him I was his wife and my name. I said that I was wearing the jumper he bought me for my birthday. He looked confused then said 'I don't know how I've ended up with two wives with the same name wearing the same jumper'.
Amazing what the brain can come up with. Before this cxxp happened my piglet got macular degeneration and became very low sighted, she would see things that weren't there, bunches of flowers, gate posts ( old style brick with fancy tops), hosrses.
Hi @Rishile ,Do you have mirrors around your house? I've started to wonder if this" two of me" is that he sees my reflection in mirrors and thinks I'm two people . Might explain if he saw two of you in a downstairs mirror?
That is an interesting theory. He often 'sees' a man at our computer which is right opposite a long mirror on a wardrobe. Obviously, the person at the computer is me and he can see my reflection.
I sometimes think he notices my different moods (there are many!!) and thinks I am a different person according to the mood I am in at the time.
Yes ,mood is something my OH notices If I've a lost my temper,yes folks I do, he tells me the other one is nasty. Sometimes I tell him it was me getting cross and apologise but he's adamant it isn't me! I don't push it as I don't want to alienate him but it saddens me that I can't apologise . I tend not to try now.
I think sundowning extra people are different to daytime ones. Sundowning often has a little boy in the room who can be a bit mischievous.
I do think that when we get ready to leave the house that the others may be our reflections in the long hall mirror. He asks every time if the others are coming to. I usually say,"no just me and you " and he seems surprised. I suppose he would if he'd seen them putting coats on 🙂
I've definitely seen him talking to himself in the mirror. He doesn't recognise himself. A bit like a baby laughing at it's own reflection.
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@Rishile ”What is it that they see?” An interesting question indeed but one I am loathe to ask as I suspect it is platitudes and little thought behind it and somehow that would be worse 😞
I have found that sundowning people are different from daytime extras. Usually he doesn't actually 'see' the sundowning people. The woman who owns our house (we own it) lives in the downstairs toilet but he never sees her. The 'people' outside that are queuing up to break in are hidden under hoods. 'Someone' phones him to say his father has died but he didn't know who it was (and the phone didn't ring). Daytime ones are usually me in a different persona.
Yes, I understand that. Maybe we should just accept the compliments as platitudes and move on. I know I'm doing the best I can. It's nobody else's place to make a judgement, good or bad.
@Rishile my wife imagines a woman lives in our spare bedroom and looks at the door strangely when we walk past. Any coats I get to put on her, she asks if the woman will be annoyed if she wears it. As to hallucination about other people, at times she gets agitated when she asks me where the woman who was sitting beside me is.
She also asks where I am when she sees me as one of her sons. You've just got to go with the flow and tell white lies to make things uncomplicated.
She also asks where I am when she sees me as one of her sons. You've just got to go with the flow and tell white lies to make things uncomplicated.
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