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It would be great if carers changed dad’s clothes.

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,727
cornwall
It was my day yesterday to see dad. He had the same clothes on that I left for them Thursday night to put on Friday morning. I saw him Tuesday so that is 5 days with the same clothes.. It is not good enough..They had yoghurt down them.

Last week he was again in dirty clothes as it had a massive coffee stain on it.
Things are changing for dad. He doesn’t know it but I’m getting a little team together so he will have the carers in less. Hopefully it will work out.
Walking him yesterday you could see he was struggling.He was also confused and confrontational with me yesterday.
Apparently I had said about his cousin. No such thing . All of his cousins are dead.Then it was “Your mother coming up this week on Thursday “? I hadn’t said she was. I had stayed at mum’s overnight and said that Shauna(daughter) was coming Thursday as we are hoping to take him out.
He was adamant that I had said mum was coming.They have been divorced since 1988 and have got along better now but not enough to see each other every week.
He went to bed at 17.30 again. His choice.He is “fed up “going to bed early but then says he is “bored”. So he may as well go. You cannot win with him.
It is a struggle getting him into bed sometimes. He is not able to walk up to the top of the bed as he has built in wardrobes. So he goes as far as he can to turn but then the walker gets stuck on the edge of the wardrobe. Then dad is trying to turn to sit on the edge of the bed but you have to guide his hips . Then after he is on the bed he has to shuffle up to the top which takes forever.The gutter frame then goes into the dining room. Managed it last night but not every night. I have said to him we need to organise his bedroom as it is getting difficult as we can only use one side of the bed.. The default “no” was the reply. No surprise there. He isn’t going to be walking much longer. He only does about 12 feet that’s his limit.
Fun day tomorrow!
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
410
Good luck with your plans. Maybe he makes life difficult to carers or maybe they don’t care. Hopefully you have a cunning plan that will make things better for him.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
475
I know the changing clothes thing is a tricky one - are the carers just coming in for 15 mins or can do longer to wash/bath him - the only thing which worked with dad was to get his care into a routine so first it was bath every Friday, and - obviously - clean clothes on after, and now it's almost every day some kind of wash. His favourite carer is quite insistent on it! It has taken some time though...
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,727
cornwall
I know the changing clothes thing is a tricky one - are the carers just coming in for 15 mins or can do longer to wash/bath him - the only thing which worked with dad was to get his care into a routine so first it was bath every Friday, and - obviously - clean clothes on after, and now it's almost every day some kind of wash. His favourite carer is quite insistent on it! It has taken some time though...
Hi. Dad doesn’t have a bath or shower as he cannot stand without a walker. So he has a strip wash. Dad is no problem with the carers as he is quite amenable. I think it’s the fact that they cannot be bothered. Saving time as he has community care.They have 45 mins in the morning with 2 carers.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,416
South coast
My OHs carers ask him if its OK to have a wash and change his clothes as I think they have to ask for his permission to do personal care. Fortunately OH is compliant, but if he said no, then I dont think that the carers are allowed to do it - although there are ways of persuading!

Could you talk to the care agency and see if the carers could change their approach?
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,416
South coast
Ahh, crossed posts @TNJJ

Is getting him to put on clean clothes in the care plan? Make sure it is. You would think that it would be obvious, but if its explicitly in the care plan then they have to do it.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
475
Hi. Dad doesn’t have a bath or shower as he cannot stand without a walker. So he has a strip wash. Dad is no problem with the carers as he is quite amenable. I think it’s the fact that they cannot be bothered. Saving time as he has community care.They have 45 mins in the morning with 2 carers.
So they could easily get some clean clothes on him after that then - I'm sure you can address this and make it happen! Is finding clean clothes in his home difficult? Could you leave a box somewhere with clean sets of clothes - perhaps near a laundry hamper for dirty ones?
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,727
cornwall
Ahh, crossed posts @TNJJ

Is getting him to put on clean clothes in the care plan? Make sure it is. You would think that it would be obvious, but if its explicitly in the care plan then they have to do it.
Hi. It was but everything is on the internet now. Plus they are supposed to sit with him when eating and drinking. That is not happening either. I will talk to them today. It’s like pulling teeth tbh.
 

Andrea57

Registered User
Feb 15, 2020
52
Chesterfield
My mum also goes to bed early now around 7 pm she says she may has well rather than just sit here (in the chair) she doesn't seem to have any sense of time anymore.she also can only get in bed on one side her legs don't work if it's the 'wrong' side. I put her clothes out every night for the carer for the next morning ,mum will say she has all those nice clothes and she has to wear what they want her to. No mum I get them out for you , good luck with your plan.
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,727
cornwall
So they could easily get some clean clothes on him after that then - I'm sure you can address this and make it happen! Is finding clean clothes in his home difficult? Could you leave a box somewhere with clean sets of clothes - perhaps near a laundry hamper for dirty ones?
All his clothes are in the airing cupboard but his problem is having new carers nearly every day. They aren’t checking everything but I will leave them a note in the communication book we have in the kitchen.
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,727
cornwall
My mum also goes to bed early now around 7 pm she says she may has well rather than just sit here (in the chair) she doesn't seem to have any sense of time anymore.she also can only get in bed on one side her legs don't work if it's the 'wrong' side. I put her clothes out every night for the carer for the next morning ,mum will say she has all those nice clothes and she has to wear what they want her to. No mum I get them out for you , good luck with your plan.
Unfortunately I’m not with dad everyday but my new plan will up me to 4 full days. That will cheer dad up(not). Apparently I’m bossy 😀
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,775
Kent
It must be really upsetting seeing your dad in stained clothing @TNJJ It would upset me.

If your dad has two carers to get him up and dressed with 45 minutes to do it, surely as his clothes are removed they could be whipped away and a clean set got ready.
 

Andrea57

Registered User
Feb 15, 2020
52
Chesterfield
Unfortunately I’m not with dad everyday but my new plan will up me to 4 full days. That will cheer dad up(not). Apparently I’m bossy 😀
Apparently I am bossy too , it's a thing with us carers because we are the ones that are there I try hard (very hard )not to take it personally and keep my mouth shut 🤭
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,727
cornwall
Apparently I am bossy too , it's a thing with us carers because we are the ones that are there I try hard (very hard )not to take it personally and keep my mouth shut 🤭
We are several of a kind 😂. Bossy carers. If we didn’t boss nothing would change. 😀
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,416
South coast
I find it difficult to believe that all the carers have this same attitude - one or two maybe, but not all of them, surely?

I get the feeling that there is something else going on.
Is he perhaps saying that these clothes are not his and he is refusing to wear them?
 

annielou

Registered User
Sep 27, 2019
1,639
Yorkshire
Thats not good, if dad is happy to change his clothes then unless not on their care plan they shouldn’t have problem doing it. Your dads care agency seem a bit awkward to deal with could you go to SS instead to find out exactly what they are supplying? When SS talked about getting carer visits for mum they said would come for so long to do set tasks and if found it didn’t take them that long they would reduce time. Maybe getting dressed is no longer on your dads plan or if they are running out of time its got left, could you contact SS and ask what they have put on care plan for carers and ask for time to be allowed to dress dad.
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,727
cornwall
I find it difficult to believe that all the carers have this same attitude - one or two maybe, but not all of them, surely?

I get the feeling that there is something else going on.
Is he perhaps saying that these clothes are not his and he is refusing to wear them?
He lives at home so not sure how. At the moment he has a Statlock and a catheter band as well. Wearing both but they both do the same job. I will do some investigation . He could. be saying “the clothes are clean”. But as they have said he has no “cognitive problems “ .He does .They are taking him at face value.