This morning my mom who has mixed vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s kept asking me wher Lilly is ? That is me, her daughter ! I just asked who she thought I was and she said her sister. She asked me this same question numerous times over a five hour period. We lived overseas for 45 years and 25 years ago my dad passed away. This morning she insisted her and my dad lived in this house. Her and I have only lived in this house and the UK for 16 years.
Is it time she goes into a Care home as she is almost 94 and even though I care for her find it physically, emotionally and mentally difficult ? We share a home and she refuses to have Carer’s in when I go out which I have to do for my sanity. She gets Attendance Allowance but she is to far gone to get POA and I can’t afford to pay Carer’s . I’m in a difficult spot .
So sorry to hear you are going through this. You say she refuses to have carers in whilst you go out, have you had any carers in at all? Would it be possible to have them in whilst you are there a few times to get her used to it? However much we wish to accommodate our loved ones, we also know that their mental abilities cannot always dictate what is best for them or those around them.
Have you spoken to Adult Social Services at all? If not I would strongly advice that you do, they will do a Care Assesment - come to visit you and your mum in your home and establish your Mum's care needs/everything that you are currently doing for her that she is unable to do for herself. Next they will look at her income and outgoings and figure out how much of this they can cover financially. Contacting them will not affect the AA during the process. As far I know it is your Mum's income that is taken into consideration for her care. It might be a split on the house / living costs other than her care.
Who owns the house? Is it in both of your names? Have you had or can you get legal advice?
I was able to get my Dad exempt from paying council tax under SME Severe Mental Impairment, this was also back dated to when he was diagnosed. As your are also in the home I doubt it will be a full exemption but there may well be an option for a discounted payment. Worth a try.
I expect you have tried as much as possible, and I don't want to infer that you haven't. Getting through everything is difficult. Finding additional help for your Mum and for yourself is not admitting defeat or saying that you do not care or love her, but having that help might keep you sane and be able to do more of the loving caring than the practical side. Best of luck.
