I am rarely offended by others. But, what's an "Eastender?" I'm learning so much about other cultures from TP and would love to know how flippant you were!!!d??? Hope you know I'm laughing on this end. I can handle anything from TPers. I know your pain. It's the people who I thought loved me I can't handle stuff from.
imsoblue
- Thread starter imsoblue
- Start date
Please please hijack my thread. I appreciate all comments. They are all so helpful to me.
When my first husband left, I felt the relief of not expecting him to help or show up at boys events, etc. It was a huge relief. I too feel that relief now. It's all on me. Once again in my life I'm alone handling a stressful situation. This time, I will get more sitters and be more (I deleted the word "selfish") active.
That's the word: right. I know that this is right. I tried not to be aggressive when I should have been assertive. Hopefully I have learned to speak up each and every time I'm intruded upon by them. Thank you. Your support is truly comforting and who would have guessed it would be virtual!
And I have 3 boys. One couldn't make it. Thank you for describing them so eloquently. When I bowed, tears ran down my face. So glad I met all of you!
Yes, I think that is almost certainly what happened, although the people I know who this has happened to have been somewhat bewildered.
I know my personality is to go with the flow and do what people expect of me. I rarely go against the grain and that's the main problem with the meeting. Telling others they are bothering me is not something I do very often. So here's my other "going against the grain." I'm even embarrassed to admit it to y'all but here goes. The lawyer brother, then his wife, both sent an all text to all their siblings announcing the marriage of their older son. All replies with congratulations, etc. I have remained mum. Let the non-demented OH send his good wishes. I doubt if they even notice my absence but it's better for me to withdraw from them. Do y'all have examples of silently snubbing those who have hurt you?
I think thats an extremely good idea. Make sure you get one who is knowledgable in elder care.
Eastenders is a British TV soap that is set in the East End of London. It is renowned for its OTT(over the top ie exaggerated) plot-lines, fights and shouting matches.
Your reality knocks all their made-up stuff into a ****** hat!!
That is extremely funny! I will have to see if I can watch it! That has made my day!
Again thank you all for being with me through this. I mentioned you in the meeting. I told That One, "I have 100 friends who are going through this and I know what I am saying is true."
XToday was a roller coaster. I've had the weekend alone with OH. No grandkids for distraction. Saturday I stayed in the front of the house. He stayed in our bedroom in the back. Few words were spoken. Later in the evening I went outside and gave updates to Son #3 about the family meeting and also a friend who I haven't spoken with since he became physically immobile. Otherwise, I guess I wouldn't have said more than a few 100 words all day. I fixed all his meals. I didn't eat the evening meal, too full from lunch. He said he would have a simple peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Now I knew he could fix that so I suggested he do it. He said he just wouldn't eat then. Why not? It takes him too long. So I fixed it.
Today, not as pleasant. Woke me up twice in the night cursing with incontinence issues. Then when he got up a few hours after me, still cursing. Lots of cursing. His mood was not pleasant. And that's been the norm lately. I had spent the day before just resting. Felt like I deserved it after my week of stress. And I read...I'm totally consumed with catching up with @Amethyst59 thread. Geez, our lives are mirrors with our step-children. (I'm on page 20 and it's Christmas.) Love all the help TP visitors are giving her. I wasn't even suffering as much as I am then.
So today I began to feel resentful. I am so hurt that SS think I talk down to their dad and always tell him no. That bothers someone like me who tries to be pleasant and agreeable. No one, I mean no one (and I have proof from all of you) could do any better. Witches. Yesterday I spent an hour getting a password for him and today, I had to do it again for another site. Finally got it. I was weak and angry and told him I felt he betrayed me and I wanted an apology for the week I had endured. What was I thinking? He doesn't care he hurt me. But then he had a semblance of trying to understand. We began to discuss the family meeting again. He needed to know again what went down. It was quite touching and I was fearful that I was hurting him. I told him That One was helping him in obtaining a divorce without any thought to its ramifications which were: then what!? I reminded him that he couldn't live alone and he started in on that argument again. Yes he can. He disagrees with that. (Side note: OH has always been sarcastic and acted like he had dementia BEFORE he really got it. That's why this is so difficult for me. He was a jokester when it came to being "out of it.") After I told him he couldn't live alone, I reminded him SS were putting him into a carer home. He appeared to understand and accept it and it was sad. For the first time ever he said the words, "I'm depressed." Asked when his next doctor appointment was and I said June 26. He would like one of my boys to go, not That One anymore. It was all so amazing. Later, it all came crashing down. He said he didn't remember SS saying he was going in a carer home. I even called the Other One but he hung up on her. I left to get my nails done. The Other One texted me about a project she wanted her dad to undertake to occupy his mind. I almost wrote back, "who is this?" She hasn't spoken to me in months! I don't think her dad can draw/draft anymore though. After the salon, I stopped at the grocery, and was going to pick up dinner on the way home. I knew he wanted a catfish poboy. OH texted me: Get me vsomejimnkrv. Chmfiadt. Brscebakendu. I called him immediately and got no answer. How frustrated would anybody be? He called me back and said he wanted chicken nuggets and not the poboy. Another heartbreak. He has realized he can't eat a poboy and the nuggets are easier. When I got home he said he had talked to the Other One and she reaffirmed the nursing home is his next stop. Thank goodness she remembered it correctly.
Today, not as pleasant. Woke me up twice in the night cursing with incontinence issues. Then when he got up a few hours after me, still cursing. Lots of cursing. His mood was not pleasant. And that's been the norm lately. I had spent the day before just resting. Felt like I deserved it after my week of stress. And I read...I'm totally consumed with catching up with @Amethyst59 thread. Geez, our lives are mirrors with our step-children. (I'm on page 20 and it's Christmas.) Love all the help TP visitors are giving her. I wasn't even suffering as much as I am then.
So today I began to feel resentful. I am so hurt that SS think I talk down to their dad and always tell him no. That bothers someone like me who tries to be pleasant and agreeable. No one, I mean no one (and I have proof from all of you) could do any better. Witches. Yesterday I spent an hour getting a password for him and today, I had to do it again for another site. Finally got it. I was weak and angry and told him I felt he betrayed me and I wanted an apology for the week I had endured. What was I thinking? He doesn't care he hurt me. But then he had a semblance of trying to understand. We began to discuss the family meeting again. He needed to know again what went down. It was quite touching and I was fearful that I was hurting him. I told him That One was helping him in obtaining a divorce without any thought to its ramifications which were: then what!? I reminded him that he couldn't live alone and he started in on that argument again. Yes he can. He disagrees with that. (Side note: OH has always been sarcastic and acted like he had dementia BEFORE he really got it. That's why this is so difficult for me. He was a jokester when it came to being "out of it.") After I told him he couldn't live alone, I reminded him SS were putting him into a carer home. He appeared to understand and accept it and it was sad. For the first time ever he said the words, "I'm depressed." Asked when his next doctor appointment was and I said June 26. He would like one of my boys to go, not That One anymore. It was all so amazing. Later, it all came crashing down. He said he didn't remember SS saying he was going in a carer home. I even called the Other One but he hung up on her. I left to get my nails done. The Other One texted me about a project she wanted her dad to undertake to occupy his mind. I almost wrote back, "who is this?" She hasn't spoken to me in months! I don't think her dad can draw/draft anymore though. After the salon, I stopped at the grocery, and was going to pick up dinner on the way home. I knew he wanted a catfish poboy. OH texted me: Get me vsomejimnkrv. Chmfiadt. Brscebakendu. I called him immediately and got no answer. How frustrated would anybody be? He called me back and said he wanted chicken nuggets and not the poboy. Another heartbreak. He has realized he can't eat a poboy and the nuggets are easier. When I got home he said he had talked to the Other One and she reaffirmed the nursing home is his next stop. Thank goodness she remembered it correctly.
I can’t remember if you said OH is on anti depressants but if not maybe they would help, or at least make him less disagreeable towards you.
My turn for a question now - what’s catfish poboy?
Sorry it’s been a lonely weekend, hopefully the grandchildren will be along to cheer you up soon x
My turn for a question now - what’s catfish poboy?
Sorry it’s been a lonely weekend, hopefully the grandchildren will be along to cheer you up soon x
I’ve just caught up with your last couple of days...where are you as far as help and support goes?
The only medication is Ritalin and that's for his walking problems. I am hoping the visit in June will result in some sort of happy pill.
A "poor boy" is a sandwich made of what we call French bread. A bagette. Meat is put on the bread and it can come fully dressed (lettuce, tomato). We put mayonnaise or butter on the bread, stack any kind of meat or seafood (oysters, shrimp, catfish, ham & cheese, roast beef, etc.) and then dress it. The bread has to be perfect. Crunchy on the outside, but soft in the middle. You would fall in love!
Next weekend is the US celebration of Mother's Day. My children have mother-in-laws so it may be quite again. I don't mind too much.
I'm off on Fridays during June so I am waiting those weeks and have invited my children.
Surprise, surprise. That One cannot attend her regular Thursday visit. That means that will be two days he will be alone while I work. The sitter can't fill in those days. I sent an all call to the kids letting them know. Son #1 who lives in town said he would stop by. AND, the Other One is coming tomorrow. Did you get that? Coming tomorrow. She is like a new person. Texting me with ideas for projects for her dad, filling in when needed, and most importantly, taking an interest and visiting her dad. I'm in shock.
I texted the sitter and told her we couldn't find the emergency button he wears around his neck and she wrote back that "he's forgetting a lot lately." Yes he is. It's getting worse.
Hi! It’s significant too that the other sister was the one able - even if by phone - to say the words re care home that the sister who was present was unable to. This suggests to me both strength and compassion which now she seems to be able to bring to bear, in order to offer your OH and you the support that’s actually useful, as distinct from all the nonsense that isn’t. I think it’s also a positive sign that she took in what your son said to her in the serious talk, and is acting upon it.
A tiny ray of light in an otherwise unrelievedly appalling situation?
