Just a quick hug really, Helen. I understand how you feel even if it is in a very small way as our circumstances are so different. Don't really know what else to say, other than who is Jeremy Kyle and what is his show? Sounds awful. Take care, Helen. Izzy x
I want to resign
- Thread starter Helen33
- Start date
Helen without people like you and everyone else on TP giving support I think I would have given up long ago, or at least blown a fuse or two, and my husband Peter is not nearly as bad, yet, as Alan is. Reading all the comments has helped me in many ways as I was prepared with Tena Pants, Kylie sheet etc., before he actually started wetting the bed! You know you can't resign, it is just that you are at a very low ebb and your body is shouting out for a much-needed rest and most outside support - I hope this possibility is not to far away.
Bobi
Bobi
Hello my friend
Hello Helen, just catching up with posts. For you to resign from the caring role would be such a loss, though i can understand why you would want to. Sometimes i can see the same thing in Elaines eyes. Please my friend be strong, you will get through this, i am always here to talk if you want to, best wishes, Norrms and faily xxxxxxx
Hello Helen, just catching up with posts. For you to resign from the caring role would be such a loss, though i can understand why you would want to. Sometimes i can see the same thing in Elaines eyes. Please my friend be strong, you will get through this, i am always here to talk if you want to, best wishes, Norrms and faily xxxxxxx
I'm back I had a good sleep - am still not dressed - and feel things are more in perspective.
I knew that sitter wasn't good enough after last week when he let all those three ladies confront him at once and didn't intervene. I dealt with it then and so this week I knew that it was his last visit (the sitter didn't know) It just shows that early intervention is important and trusting one's own knowledge of the conditions we are dealing with. I always get stressed to the core when it affects work and with the sitter bringing Alan back early it would have been disastrous had my client still been here. Anyway the whole thing has given me extra resolve to continue to strive for a service that remains good enough. It doesn't have to be 'perfect' but it does need to be good enough.
The consequences of not being good enough yesterday were;
I could hardly bring myself to speak to Alan even though I knew it was not his fault.
He was highly paranoid and agitated and had that not been able to be calmed down, then he may have had to be placed on medication due to the mismanagement of someone paid to care for him
If he is placed on medication, there is a distinct possibility that it will affect his mobility.
I could be forced to finish working due to simple instructions not being followed.
Thank you all for your support. I would not have the confidence to continue to struggle for this without TP
Love
I had a good sleep - am still not dressed - and feel things are more in perspective.I knew that sitter wasn't good enough after last week when he let all those three ladies confront him at once and didn't intervene. I dealt with it then and so this week I knew that it was his last visit (the sitter didn't know)
It just shows that early intervention is important and trusting one's own knowledge of the conditions we are dealing with. I always get stressed to the core when it affects work and with the sitter bringing Alan back early it would have been disastrous had my client still been here. Anyway the whole thing has given me extra resolve to continue to strive for a service that remains good enough. It doesn't have to be 'perfect' but it does need to be good enough.The consequences of not being good enough yesterday were;
I could hardly bring myself to speak to Alan even though I knew it was not his fault.
He was highly paranoid and agitated and had that not been able to be calmed down, then he may have had to be placed on medication due to the mismanagement of someone paid to care for him
If he is placed on medication, there is a distinct possibility that it will affect his mobility.
I could be forced to finish working due to simple instructions not being followed.
Thank you all for your support. I would not have the confidence to continue to struggle for this without TP
Love
Helen, I am so sorry to read this. I have been catching up with this thread and was horrified to read your second post yesterday. How can the sitter have got it so wrong? I do so hope that Alan will not be too deeply affected and that it will not be too long before you begin to see changes for the better in him. Thinking of you both and sending love, Nan XXX
Sorry to read all this Helen -I never realised until now how impossible it is to get any sort of 'quality' support - I have just about given up even trying to get anyone to understand what I am talking about.
Today I was told that David needs to have an assessment with our GP (he only had one last week with our other SW and it was a disaster as she couldn't understand anything he said!). Then after that I can ask for a Carer at £16 per hour - did I say I wanted a Carer - I don't need a Carer (especially after hearing your problems!) I just want someone to advise with the 'bottom' problem!! Well, if I want help with the bottom problem then he needs pads because he must be incontinent NO - HE IS NOT INCONTINENT and I certainly don't want to encourage him to use pads and become incontinent (not that he would use them anyway....) - he just cannot communicate/understand what he needs to do after the toilet! and there doesn't seem to be anyone out there who can help us.....
Love grumpyxxxx
Today I was told that David needs to have an assessment with our GP (he only had one last week with our other SW and it was a disaster as she couldn't understand anything he said!). Then after that I can ask for a Carer at £16 per hour - did I say I wanted a Carer
- I don't need a Carer (especially after hearing your problems!) I just want someone to advise with the 'bottom' problem!! Well, if I want help with the bottom problem then he needs pads because he must be incontinent NO - HE IS NOT INCONTINENT and I certainly don't want to encourage him to use pads and become incontinent (not that he would use them anyway....) - he just cannot communicate/understand what he needs to do after the toilet! and there doesn't seem to be anyone out there who can help us.....Love grumpyxxxx
Hi Everyone
Today is one of those long days that hold a months worth of events and emotions (and it is only 4pm)!!
Firstly though I wouldn't want anyone to be put off having a carer because of the one terribly irresponsible sitter. All the other sitters Alan had last week took responsibility for the changed situation and helped Alan to adjust to the changed circumstances. IT WAS JUST THE ONE BAD SITTER. In fact when I think about it, it is because of the irresponsibility of this sitter in the first place that lead to Alan having to be taken to a care home whilst I work. He failed to distract him and follow what was written on the care plan. Then the following week, he failed to make Alan's needs known at the care home, and this week he failed on two vital counts - tv. and brought him home early
This afternoon I was really upset and the events were whirring round my head. I was carrying about with me the worry of becoming a nuisance to Crossroads and not wanting to seem as if I was being too protective or too picky and choosy. I was really worried and anxious about being misunderstood. I daren't ring them again because of these worries. However, Crossroads Care rang me about a change of sit next week. They were sending someone new and I asked whether it could be someone that Alan knew and they had no one available. I just burst into tears. I then was able to express all my worries and relate again how the events of yesterday had completely knocked Alan for six and the knock on effect on me and our lives was devastating. I don't think they realised how devastating this was to us because I am a coper and seem to come across as ok most of the time (which I am). The person I was speaking to took what I was saying very kindly and seriously and assured me that they would do everything they could to ensure that the sitters are well informed and well able to carry out what is written on the care plan. I reiterated that I had spent a lot of time and careful consideration in making sure that the sitters had the clearest ideas of what was needed from them and that it was not an optional extra but absolutely vital. I did feel much better after being allowed to talk about it and I ended up feeling respected and cared for.
I am reliant upon help in order to be able to offer Alan a good quality of life and it is so important that the help is 'helpful and therapeutic' rather than 'unhelpful and damaging'.
I really do want a break and can't wait for the 16th when I have a couple of days respite.
Love
Today is one of those long days that hold a months worth of events and emotions (and it is only 4pm)!!
Firstly though I wouldn't want anyone to be put off having a carer because of the one terribly irresponsible sitter. All the other sitters Alan had last week took responsibility for the changed situation and helped Alan to adjust to the changed circumstances. IT WAS JUST THE ONE BAD SITTER. In fact when I think about it, it is because of the irresponsibility of this sitter in the first place that lead to Alan having to be taken to a care home whilst I work. He failed to distract him and follow what was written on the care plan. Then the following week, he failed to make Alan's needs known at the care home, and this week he failed on two vital counts - tv. and brought him home early
This afternoon I was really upset and the events were whirring round my head. I was carrying about with me the worry of becoming a nuisance to Crossroads and not wanting to seem as if I was being too protective or too picky and choosy. I was really worried and anxious about being misunderstood. I daren't ring them again because of these worries. However, Crossroads Care rang me about a change of sit next week. They were sending someone new and I asked whether it could be someone that Alan knew and they had no one available. I just burst into tears. I then was able to express all my worries and relate again how the events of yesterday had completely knocked Alan for six and the knock on effect on me and our lives was devastating. I don't think they realised how devastating this was to us because I am a coper and seem to come across as ok most of the time (which I am). The person I was speaking to took what I was saying very kindly and seriously and assured me that they would do everything they could to ensure that the sitters are well informed and well able to carry out what is written on the care plan. I reiterated that I had spent a lot of time and careful consideration in making sure that the sitters had the clearest ideas of what was needed from them and that it was not an optional extra but absolutely vital. I did feel much better after being allowed to talk about it and I ended up feeling respected and cared for.
I am reliant upon help in order to be able to offer Alan a good quality of life and it is so important that the help is 'helpful and therapeutic' rather than 'unhelpful and damaging'.
I really do want a break and can't wait for the 16th when I have a couple of days respite.
Love
Helen, I don't think you mentioned it in your post, but I assume you did make it clear that that this duff sitter is absolutely unacceptable?It's bad enough to drop the ball as he did once, but 3 times?
Hello Jennifer
I did make it clear Jennifer and I made it clear that it was actually damaging to Alan. I made it clear the first time it happened and that he needed to be replaced. They found a replacement immediately but unfortunately the new person couldn't start immediately. I believed that the sitter would be able to follow the care plan in the interim but,obviously not I really could do without having to end up like the type of person who is inflexible. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and give people opportunities to learn but unfortunately I can't afford to take the risk with this disease because the consequences are too serious.
Alan has just now gone off to the care home with the sitter and it is the first time any sitter has seen me really upset and looking like a dog's dinner
Love
I did make it clear Jennifer and I made it clear that it was actually damaging to Alan. I made it clear the first time it happened and that he needed to be replaced. They found a replacement immediately but unfortunately the new person couldn't start immediately. I believed that the sitter would be able to follow the care plan in the interim but,obviously not
I really could do without having to end up like the type of person who is inflexible. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and give people opportunities to learn but unfortunately I can't afford to take the risk with this disease because the consequences are too serious.Alan has just now gone off to the care home with the sitter and it is the first time any sitter has seen me really upset and looking like a dog's dinner
Love
Hello there, I would like to put a comment about carers and hope this is alright. I use carers for sitting service normally a couple of hours a week, and I have carers daily to help me shower and dress my husband. I have had so many problems with carers who have not been well enough trained to deal with our situation that I have stated that I will bot accept any carer who has not shadowed here prior to their own duty. This means that they get to see my husband and the conditions here first and I get to meet them to wet them and decide whether I find them suitable. This works for us and the company I use appear quite grateful for this arrangement as it can be used as a training ground for their more intensive clients. Thought this may work for you too. Kind regards.
