I miss her more each day

Borisfish

Registered User
Oct 6, 2015
4
I miss her more each day
Firstly thank you for your wonderful replies when I last posted a few weeks ago it has really been a terrible time and I am taking it a minute,hour,day at a time.
I feel as if my whole purpose in life has gone every minute of my days were planned and we had no time for any social life whatsoever.ive lost my best friend as well as mother and every part of the house acts as a reminder of mum.i am so used to being stuck in the house for weeks on end that even going to the shops seems overwhelming and I just want to get home but when I come home it's not the same any more.my mum was a beautiful woman who never once complained about her dreadful illness and deserved so much better respect and treatment than she received both in hospital and from the local doctor.i wrote a poem just before she died as she couldn't speak for herself here it is


I was young like you
A long time ago
It seems only yesterday
Where did the time go?
I once ran and laughed
And enjoyed life so
But now I'm old
And my body is weak
My mind gets fuddled
I can't always speak
But I'm here inside
I'm still a person you see
A mother and grandmother
I've got family
I have hopes and dreams
And feelings too
One day you'll understand
This will happen to you
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,562
Ireland
That's lovely. Have you ever come across this poem? I often think it should be on the door of every single resident in every Care Home & Nursing Home!

An Old Lady's Poem

What do you see, nurses, what do you see?
What are you thinking when you're looking at me?
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice, "I do wish you'd try!"
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
And forever is losing a stocking or shoe.....
Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill....
Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse; you're not looking at me.

I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of ten ...with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters, who love one another.
A young girl of sixteen, with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.
A bride soon at twenty -- my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.
At twenty-five now, I have young of my own,
Who need me to guide and a secure happy home.
A woman of thirty, my young now grown fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last.
At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my man's beside me to see I don't mourn.
At fifty once more, babies play round my knee,
Again we know children, my loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead;
I look at the future, I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years and the love that I've known.

I'm now an old woman ...and nature is cruel;
'Tis jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living life over again.
I think of the years ....all too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, nurses, open and see,
...Not a crabby old woman; look closer ...see ME!!
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,562
Ireland
It fits all elderly people, I think. My husband was 30 years older than me, and even before his dementia developed I used to notice how people would explain things to ME rather than him. It happens with my mum too. I accompany her to hospital appointments and that. She doesn't have dementia but is elderly, partially disabled and doesn't always take in what she's being told. And I've noticed that if I'm there, doctors will address me, and explain things to me, rather than mum.
Makes me wonder how long I've got before I become "invisible "!
 

MollyMae23

Registered User
Jan 7, 2012
40
I miss her more each day
Firstly thank you for your wonderful replies when I last posted a few weeks ago it has really been a terrible time and I am taking it a minute,hour,day at a time.
I feel as if my whole purpose in life has gone every minute of my days were planned and we had no time for any social life whatsoever.ive lost my best friend as well as mother and every part of the house acts as a reminder of mum.i am so used to being stuck in the house for weeks on end that even going to the shops seems overwhelming and I just want to get home but when I come home it's not the same any more.my mum was a beautiful woman who never once complained about her dreadful illness and deserved so much better respect and treatment than she received both in hospital and from the local doctor.i wrote a poem just before she died as she couldn't speak for herself here it is


I was young like you
A long time ago
It seems only yesterday
Where did the time go?
I once ran and laughed
And enjoyed life so
But now I'm old
And my body is weak
My mind gets fuddled
I can't always speak
But I'm here inside
I'm still a person you see
A mother and grandmother
I've got family
I have hopes and dreams
And feelings too
One day you'll understand
This will happen to you
Borisfish

I so understand what you mean. I cared for mum nearly 5 years and although I could still get out and about a bit in the first years it became impossible to socialise in anyway in the latter years so when she died in March it was a double shock because I had lost the whole point of my life for the last five years and was suddenly expected to pick up where I left off before I cared for mum. The social seclusion of grief is well documented and more attention is now being made to the social seclusion of Carers but for now the combination of the two when you have lost someone very important is unbearable. All I can say is that slowly I took small steps to get back into the world. It isn't easy but it is possible. I have found this forum helped me a great deal getting my confidence and sense of self back. And one piece of advice I received when I was still caring to ward off burn out. Talk, to anyone and everyone even if they don't want to hear, just talking it out helps vent the emotions. I was told as a carer you must be selfless for the person and selfish to everyone else to keep you sanity. If talking is difficult at first writing poetry, letters to the loved one or a journal all help to get things straight in your mind and give strength to step out of the door. I found walking in parks or areas where other people are helpful.