I hate my husband right now

[BeeBeeDee]

I am so sorry to type this but right now at this moment I hate the man. He is so obnoxious sometimes and today he has upset our 2 small grandchildren. The 4 year old said Why does Grandad talk to me horribly like he doesnt love me. Well he often upsets them and my older two who are 11 and 9 and I am sure they dont like coming because of him. I try to keep them in the other room as much as I can.
But he has just generally been horrible all day long and I look over at him and think I wish I wasnt married to you.
On a plus note - he can be left on his own - and tonight I am going out with a friend to see Donny Osmond in concert - just what I need to get away from him and have a fun night

 

[sapphire turner]

Ah good for you, I hope Donny is fab!! Don’t let him grind you down eh. Sending love ❤️ xxx

 

[JaxG]

Oooh Donny Osmond - a blast from my teenage years, I hope you had a fab time. Don't feel too bad - I think many of us share your feelings, I know I do!!

 

[MissFloopster]

I am so sorry to type this but right now at this moment I hate the man. He is so obnoxious sometimes and today he has upset our 2 small grandchildren. The 4 year old said Why does Grandad talk to me horribly like he doesnt love me. Well he often upsets them and my older two who are 11 and 9 and I am sure they dont like coming because of him. I try to keep them in the other room as much as I can.
But he has just generally been horrible all day long and I look over at him and think I wish I wasnt married to you.
On a plus note - he can be left on his own - and tonight I am going out with a friend to see Donny Osmond in concert - just what I need to get away from him and have a fun night

Don’t be sorry, BeeBeeDee … I love my husband to bits and most of the time I am able to remind myself that it’s his disease that makes him react in a certain way. But I can assure you there are also days I hate him and wish he’d not wake up. I hope you had a great evening out!

 

[Kath610]

Hello @BeeBeeDee and @MissFloopster , all I can say is Me Too! Except, sadly and thanks to Alzheimer's, I do not love my husband of 48 years any more. Most of the time I don't even like him and I wish he was not part of my life.
I have the same problem with my husband's attitude towards our 7 year old grandson and I asked for advice on here. Several people responded and recommended books to help.young children to understand dementia and advice sheets for their parents. I did get one of the books and forwarded some of the advice to my son and daughter in law. I will try and find my post and forward it to you.

 

[leny connery]

I am so sorry to type this but right now at this moment I hate the man. He is so obnoxious sometimes and today he has upset our 2 small grandchildren. The 4 year old said Why does Grandad talk to me horribly like he doesnt love me. Well he often upsets them and my older two who are 11 and 9 and I am sure they dont like coming because of him. I try to keep them in the other room as much as I can.
But he has just generally been horrible all day long and I look over at him and think I wish I wasnt married to you.
On a plus note - he can be left on his own - and tonight I am going out with a friend to see Donny Osmond in concert - just what I need to get away from him and have a fun night

 

[leny connery]

So understand this reaction to a husband who really is no longer that person..not when all he does is hurtful& hellishly selfish, totaly no empathy, by all means say it as it is ,perhaps not your real feelings about what he was but to what he as he is now, It is the anger and exhaustion, we hear you, I do

 

[scotlass]

My oh was diagnosed 2 years ago...and up until now he was really ok but today I saw a different side to him
I have arthritis and so has he ...he gets painkillers from gp...and he is always telling me to take a couple if the pain is bad....last week I took a strip of tablets from his packet..and told him ...that was fine...tonight he was ranting,,,have I taken some of his pills...and he was going to lock things away from now on...then 5 minutes later he found what he was looking for....I was so upset I couldn't stop crying....this was not like him at all
,now I can see that this is the start of worse to come I know he can't help it , he's like another person

 

[jennifer1967]

My oh was diagnosed 2 years ago...and up until now he was really ok but today I saw a different side to him
I have arthritis and so has he ...he gets painkillers from gp...and he is always telling me to take a couple if the pain is bad....last week I took a strip of tablets from his packet..and told him ...that was fine...tonight he was ranting,,,have I taken some of his pills...and he was going to lock things away from now on...then 5 minutes later he found what he was looking for....I was so upset I couldn't stop crying....this was not like him at all
,now I can see that this is the start of worse to come I know he can't help it , he's like another person

is it worth asking your doctor for your own tablets then he cant accuse you of theft[he probably will] but you will have yours as and when. i think that dementia brings out the bad points more often than good ones. its like it exaggerates the less likable ones.

 

[special 1]

Don’t be sorry, BeeBeeDee … I love my husband to bits and most of the time I am able to remind myself that it’s his disease that makes him react in a ce

Well I have been up since 2 am. My husband has been in and out of bed getting dressed, in the lounge, back to bed, dressed again and now we are having tea and toast and it is 4am. Happy days.!!! You are lucky that you can still get out to sort of enjoy yourself, enjoy it while you can. We stay up stairs and he is housebound as he has a falling issue so I have to shadow him all round the house when he gets up. Even in bed I can't get peace, as he is always touching me then I end up sleeping on top of the covers just to get away from him. Like you I feel the same. I wish he would just die. I feel like taking an overdose myself at times as it seems that is the only way out for me, then I think how selfish. Take care. 🌥

 

[sapphire turner]

Dear special 1 that sounds like too much for anyone to cope with! Can you sleep in another room and just let him get on with it? I moved rooms 4 months ago and he still rages about it but at least I get 8 hours sleep now which makes it easier to cope, and I don’t get groped. Maybe it’s time for a respite stay in a care home for him? Do try to get some help before you go under, that’s no good for anyone. I was so nearly there and my family couldn’t see it. Luckily I was having counselling at the time and she raised the alarm with my GP. Sending love ❤️ xxx

 

[special 1]

Dear special 1 that sounds like too much for anyone to cope with! Can you sleep in another room and just let him get on with it? I moved rooms 4 months ago and he still rages about it but at least I get 8 hours sleep now which makes it easier to cope, and I don’t get groped. Maybe it’s time for a respite stay in a care home for him? Do try to get some help before you go under, that’s no good for anyone. I was so nearly there and my family couldn’t see it. Luckily I was having counselling at the time and she raised the alarm with my GP. Sending love ❤️ xxx

Hi again. My husband was in hospital for a couple days due to aggression etc and to get assessed. Well that was such an eyeopener. There was no dignity at all, when I went to see him the next day at 1.30pm he was just sitting in the chair with only a pair of hospital pants on and a pad stuffed down the front. The pants were not even on properly, and just a gown on. He looked like he was on cloud la la. He came out worse than when he went in. It took him right out of his comfort zone. As for respite, nooo good. Thankyou anyway for your input .💔

 

[BeeBeeDee]

Hello @BeeBeeDee and @MissFloopster , all I can say is Me Too! Except, sadly and thanks to Alzheimer's, I do not love my husband of 48 years any more. Most of the time I don't even like him and I wish he was not part of my life.
I have the same problem with my husband's attitude towards our 7 year old grandson and I asked for advice on here. Several people responded and recommended books to help.young children to understand dementia and advice sheets for their parents. I did get one of the books and forwarded some of the advice to my son and daughter in law. I will try and find my post and forward it to you.

Oh thank you yes that would be helpful I never even thought about a book for the children

 

[Izzy]

You might find these lists helpful -

Books that help younger children to understand dementia

Books for younger children that aim to increase understanding about dementia and how they can help.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

Books about dementia for children

Check out our listing of books about dementia for children

www.dementiauk.org

 

[BeeBeeDee]

Thank you - I hope it doesnt just address the forgetfulness as I have seen on leaflets.

 

[Kath610]

Thank you - I hope it doesnt just address the forgetfulness as I have seen on leaflets.

As well as the books, I had good advice from another person in this forum - she compared her husband ( the children’s grandad) to a couple of children in their school - one who had Down Syndrome and one with learning difficulties. She said these children’s brains worked differently so sometimes they behaved differently. It’s not something that they can help. and we just have to try to understand and help them if we can.
I tried this with my grandson and he understood. It didn’t upset him and this morning when my husband threw a tantrum and walked out, my grandson just said Grandad’s brain doesn’t work properly, he can’t help it. I just agreed and we got on with getting him to school.
Hope this is useful - did you see my post We have to talk about Grandad?

 

[60'sGirl]

Well I have been up since 2 am. My husband has been in and out of bed getting dressed, in the lounge, back to bed, dressed again and now we are having tea and toast and it is 4am. Happy days.!!! You are lucky that you can still get out to sort of enjoy yourself, enjoy it while you can. We stay up stairs and he is housebound as he has a falling issue so I have to shadow him all round the house when he gets up. Even in bed I can't get peace, as he is always touching me then I end up sleeping on top of the covers just to get away from him. Like you I feel the same. I wish he would just die. I feel like taking an overdose myself at times as it seems that is the only way out for me, then I think how selfish. Take care. 🌥

I feel for you, honestly and think the same. I bought a rail from Amazon which stops him getting out of bed (he also has Parkinsons) but he was up in bed shouting at 3am when he was supervising the tarmacing of a road when he was a surveyor and I was his supposed assistant. Drives me mad so went and slept in my bed at 4 when I had had enough and when I got up at 6 he had ripped off his new sleep suit (zipped up the back so he can't remove) all the way down the front and legs, pulled his pants to bits and peed all over the bed.
What a wonderful life.
It has just taken me 2 hours to give him dinner, wash him and get him ready for bed and he is now snoring and I havn't eaten yet.
He did stay upstairs for weeks until OT came and had a talk to him and told him to get out of bed and go downstairs and that is as far as we have got - won't go out of the front door and I have to shop when I know he will be asleep due to medication. 1 hour a day is all I get - hopefully.

 

[AlzWife]

Well I have been up since 2 am. My husband has been in and out of bed getting dressed, in the lounge, back to bed, dressed again and now we are having tea and toast and it is 4am. Happy days.!!! You are lucky that you can still get out to sort of enjoy yourself, enjoy it while you can. We stay up stairs and he is housebound as he has a falling issue so I have to shadow him all round the house when he gets up. Even in bed I can't get peace, as he is always touching me then I end up sleeping on top of the covers just to get away from him. Like you I feel the same. I wish he would just die. I feel like taking an overdose myself at times as it seems that is the only way out for me, then I think how selfish. Take care. 🌥

Dear Special1,
Please talk to your GP about how you feel and get some respite help. I moved to my own bed in the basement b/c I just provide care and attention for 24 hours a day. I need my eight hours of sleep to get through the other 16 hours! You cannot go on like this. You must ask for help from neighbors, community members, official sources, family … anybody. Also, if he falls and needs to go to hospital then that’s what will happen and maybe he can get a residential placement. No one can provide care 24 hours a day. Something bad will happen one way or another…to you or him…if you go on without help.
I really feel for you because I’ve had similar thoughts and feelings. You deserve some peace and to live your life. Please ask for help.

 

[SeaSwallow]

I feel for you, honestly and think the same. I bought a rail from Amazon which stops him getting out of bed (he also has Parkinsons) but he was up in bed shouting at 3am when he was supervising the tarmacing of a road when he was a surveyor and I was his supposed assistant. Drives me mad so went and slept in my bed at 4 when I had had enough and when I got up at 6 he had ripped off his new sleep suit (zipped up the back so he can't remove) all the way down the front and legs, pulled his pants to bits and peed all over the bed.
What a wonderful life.
It has just taken me 2 hours to give him dinner, wash him and get him ready for bed and he is now snoring and I havn't eaten yet.
He did stay upstairs for weeks until OT came and had a talk to him and told him to get out of bed and go downstairs and that is as far as we have got - won't go out of the front door and I have to shop when I know he will be asleep due to medication. 1 hour a day is all I get - hopefully.

Hello @60'sGirl I am so sorry to read about the difficulties you are having at present. Have you had a needs assessment for your husband and a carers assessment for yourself as it really sounds as if you could do with some help. If you have not had the assessments please contact your local social services and request the assessments as soon as possible.

 

[60'sGirl]

Yes thank you, thankfully being sorted this coming week.