1. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    I seem to be really struggling with a feeling of depression. I don't expect any of you to take it away, I just need to tell someone. It could be because of the weather. It could be because I have put on some weight. It could be because every now and then I feel like this for a couple of days. It could be because I'm losing my husband.

    However, I told Alan this morning that I wasn't feeling too well and he's just got on with things. He put out the breakfast and is now feeding the birds. This is great because I haven't had to prompt him to do these things.

    It is so awful dragging myself into the day with a deep feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach and wanting to cry at the drop of a hat. I suppose you all know how I feel.

    I feel so self-indulgent, weak and cowardly because a lot of you are dealing with situations a lot more difficult than I have and here's me feeling like this at this stage!

    You know that I believe in looking after oneself in order to care for other(s) and it's times like this that I get scared. I'm looking after myself by talking to you, by cancelling a client this morning and by taking things slowly.

    Love to you all

    Helen [​IMG]
     
  2. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Helen, you have every right to feel as you do.

    It is not a competition, and you are acknowledging that other are feeling stressful too. You obviously are quite 'down' at present so I am pleased to read:
    Glad for you that Alan is occuping himself for a short while, so
    just take things 'day by day' until you feel stronger, then maybe you will not feel so overwhelmed by life as it is.

    Take care now. Love n'hugs
    (It's good to talk.....)
     
  3. Kate P

    Kate P Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    565
    Merseyside
    Dear Helen,

    Well it's good to know your practising what you preach and are taking the day to look after yourself - lucky too that Alan is having a "good" day to allow you to.

    I would be astonished if anyone dealing with dementia didn't have days were they felt depressed - no matter what stage you're at.

    I don't think that what stage your at matters much with this illness. I found myself having depressed epsiodes far more often at the beginning of mum's illness than I do now - now I can manage most of the time with only odd days here and there in which I feel utterly hopeless.

    This weekend dad had taken mum away to their caravan and it is the first Sunday I haven't seen them in over a year I would guess. I didn't do anything in particular but pottered about the house doing chores (and making my hubby do chores) and playing with my daughter. Come the end of the day I though - wow, I've had a really great day, and I realised... Even though I feel like I'm in full acceptance emotionally of what is happening with mum I think it is always chipping away at me slowly and just taking the shine off things.

    I hope that doesn't sound selfish - I'm not intending to cut them off to live a happier life - I very much doubt it would make me happier - but it just showed me that no matter how on top of things I think I am, it's still there at the back of my mind bugging me.

    Well, I hope you have a restful day and I hope that talking here on TP will help you.

    {{{HUGS}}} - can't give you a real one but I find virtual ones just as comforting!
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,556
    Kent
    Dear Helen.

    If I may be really blunt, it had to come. :)

    All your posts have been so positive, you have continued to try to see the best in every situation, in your situation, and in Alan`s condition.

    Sometimes reality hits you hard. I`m not saying you have been in denial, I don`t know you well enough to make that kind of judgement, but we soldier on being strong and positive, and that in itself is stressful and tiring, so there are bound to be `off days`.

    You`ll be fine Helen. Allow yourself a bit of indulgence, have a good cry if it will help, but don`t accuse yourself of being weak and cowardly. Although I don`t know you well, weak and cowardly you are not.

    Have an easy day.

    Love xx
     
  5. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Hello Helen!,

    Sorry you're having a "glum" day...I think Sylvia's right..you've always come over as being so positive..and stayed strong and bright..

    But you can't sustain that level of optimism..there will be good days and bad days..and in between days..and you'll come to accept that!

    I'm glad you're having a day off..make the most of it doing whatever makes you happy..:)

    You'll feel better for it.

    That's the beauty of TP..we can share the good and the bad..

    Take care,, Love gigi xx[​IMG]
     
  6. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    1,669
    NZ
    Hi Helen

    To be honest I found the start a lot more scarey and depressing than dealing with the actuality of the illness and imminent death. I think that the fear or what you are losing and what will happen, the fear of the unknown and the uncertainty at the start, seeing the person you love still there but knowing that they are never going to be back whole to you, hurts so much more.

    In those early days I found that I was sick to my stomach, woke screaming in the night and most definitely was not positive and bright and optimistic as I can be now (although at the moment it is a bumpy ride again).

    It is nowhere near, to me, as painful as learning to accept "what is" from the early days.

    For each of us the journey will differ, depending upon from where we approach it, the support, our lives and our relationships. Never feel like you do not have cause or justification for the way you are feeling. You do. TP is here to let us help one another as our moods and needs change, ebb and flow.

    ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) because they do speak louder than words at this time.

    Love

    mameeskye
     
  7. AJay

    AJay Registered User

    Aug 21, 2007
    123
    Leics
    Hi Helen and big hugs for you and Alan.

    You are not in the very least self indulgent or cowardly, we all have our rainy says and they can last a while, believe me. I don't think anybodys situation is any less difficult than the next persons, just different, so a few down days are pretty normal.

    You're an incredibly positive person, far more than I ever could be and the sun will shine again soon.

    AJay xxx
     
  8. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,105
    Toronto, Canada
    Hello Helen,
    Like Mameeskye, I found the beginning much harder. I have found my emotional equilbrium, more or less, although I still have my occasional sad days.

    You're doing the right thing by taking care of yourself before things get too difficult. It's okay for you to have these days.

    {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}
     
  9. linda.h

    linda.h Registered User

    Jan 24, 2005
    8
    dukinfield
    Hi Helen first a great big hug and another
    and pat yourself on the back because this morning feeling as dreadfull
    as you do you still got out of bed and GOT ON WITH THINGS We are all here for you PS another hug xxxxx
     
  10. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    Dear All,

    Thank you so much. I can honestly say that I really don't know why I felt so dark and heavy. I feel very quiet and still inside and have been sorting out papers, papers and papers and putting them in files. Maybe this is representative of what I CAN'T do in my life with regard to this illness!! Anyway it helped.

    Alan has been busy too which has been wonderful. He's just got on with all kinds of things. He seems happy.

    My daughter phoned to say she's decided to work as a Clinical Hypnotherapist which will suit her down to a tee. That cheered me up because she's such a lovely girl (woman)!!:D

    The sun is shining. I don't feel so dark and heavy now, I just feel like crying which is o.k. I phoned the passport office and they said Alan's passport is in the process and that there'll be plenty of time. Another thing off my mind.

    Again, thank you all for being there.

    Love Helen
     
  11. Short girl

    Short girl Registered User

    Mar 22, 2008
    60
    Expressing our feeling

    Hi Helen

    It's always so good to express our feelings, this site is brilliant for this. Sometimes it helps us gets thing off our chest and reading other stories puts things in propective.
    As well as having a Nan with Alzheimers, I have a husband with diagnosed depression, he is on Prozac, but says he's been feeling low for last few days and not able to sleep - I really dispare as I know there is little I can do to help - but then he is not one to really open up and do this sort of thing.
    Glad you are feeling better.
    When I feel dispare I take a deep breath and say, "well, gal, your own your own here, lets muster all the strength and faith to fight this coz that the only way" It's worked so far.
     
  12. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    Hello Short Girl

    Well now we've both found Talking Point and maybe you will have to change your saying because you don't have to be on your own when you despair any more. I have found TP absolutely great and I just can't help keep saying it. It just seems to bubble out of me. I think it's because it has made my life so different and given the kind of contact that, for me, is very empowering.

    It must be really hard for you having nan with alzheimers and a husband with depression.

    Anyway Short Girl when you feel like despairing, we are all here.

    Love Helen
     
  13. Short girl

    Short girl Registered User

    Mar 22, 2008
    60
    Hi Helen

    I did omit TP - but everyone here's great, like old friends, but all in similiar situations. It's so good to have support and understanding of the three D's in my life - it's been helpful so far and yes another D here - Deal with it! Oh another D helps me too - Daydream occasionally!
     

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