I don't like the idea of a care home for my mum.

[Jill26]

There are various things to consider I think. First would be your reason for asking! If you want her to stay in her home and you have cameras with 3 of you watching and reacting as necessary, I'm guessing that there are still things you're worried about.

Is the current situation sustainable? Are all three of you in agreement about continuing or is the arrangement starting to crumble?

The issue of falls is complicated! Sooner or later, dementia seems to lead to falls for all sorts of reasons, not least general frailty. You also give the example that your mum forgets what she can't do - my mum was the same after she broke her hip - she just had no memory of doing so. But I'd also point out that mum fell (actually she was pushed by another resident) with 2 carers standing next to her. They couldn't prevent her going down and her hip snapped. It happens. Yes, it would be lovely to have 2 or 3 strong people supporting each and every one of our loved ones 24/7 but that's just not realistic, whether in a care home or their own home.

So I'd say don't base your care home decision on whether your mum would or wouldn't be watched more closely there or at home. Care homes have lots of benefits, one being that there will be staff around at night to assist and reassure your mum, should she need that, which presumably isn't the case at the moment. And often it's that 24/7 company that the person needs more than anything.

Preventing falls is obviously desirable, just not always feasible.

Your response has really helped. My reason is mainly that I fear we will lose her as soon as her environment changes. She can walk around her home and knows where everything is. Nothing is out of place and i'm sure the familiarity keeps her from forgetting what I fear she would if in a care home.

I think perhaps a period of respite may well be the only way to test this out.

Thank you for the detail and be assured that I have taken it all in and will be discussing everything with my 3 siblings, as we all need to be ready if we think the time is right.

 

[leny connery]

Hallo @Jill26 - others will be along to advise about care homes - I can't really say as my mother lived with me till the end. The only thing I would caution is that falls can be serious - it only takes one for her to break her hip and then things could rapidly go downhill. I am not sure that responding after the event is the best idea. A person who is liable to fall really needs to be kept under supervision all the time.

 

[leny connery]

I agree, but then falls can happen in care home or even in the hospital. Happened to my husband. So, 3 cameras , a fall band, and a 10=20 minutes response sounds good to keep her where she is happiest. It is indeed a very personal decision based on the unique circumstances

 

[Banjomansmate]

Whilst living alone The Banjoman was found on the floor, stuck behind his bedroom door when his teatime carer arrived. Nobody knew how long he had been there and it didn’t occur to him to press his alarm pendant round his neck. Luckily he had no obvious damage but next day ended up in hospital with some form of infection.
Six months later he was in a residential care home fully mobile and somehow fell in his room. Because they were checking on residents on a regular basis he was found quite quickly and the ambulance responders discovered he had fractured his femur and whisked him off to hospital.
Falls can happen at any time, anywhere.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

My reason is mainly that I fear we will lose her as soon as her environment changes. She can walk around her home and knows where everything is. Nothing is out of place and i'm sure the familiarity keeps her from forgetting what I fear she would if in a care home.

Well, you might be right. What you say is significant. I've often heard people say their loved one deteriorated shortly after moving into care and they blame the care home. More often it's the change from familiar surroundings and losing all the things that the person was using as 'cues' to help them get through the day. Take those things away and it can leave a person floundering.

But... people do settle into care homes and often enjoy the routine and the company. It can take a while though.

For what it's worth, after my mother broke her hip, she recovered well, was soon mobile again and lived another 2 years. Dementia got her in the end