1. Ann-marie

    Ann-marie Registered User

    Dec 24, 2006
    26
    #1 Ann-marie, Mar 24, 2007
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2007
    since my gran died five weeks ago im not really coping ......i just feel so down ...im not sleeping very well and im hardly eating anything dont feel hungry .....cant stop bursting into tears... dont go out ....dont do much at all really .....when im at my lowest i think about ending it all ...got no interst in anything ....its so hard for me to accept she gone if she hadnt been put in that home she would still proberbly be here with me .....ive got no support ....my dad just keeps telling me to pull myslf together.....ive got no happy memories of my gran all i can remember is the state she was in when i went to see her at that home after i got a phone call from the social worker to say she wasnt well and the fact that they didnt get her the medical help she needed.....i had to get her to the hospital myself all i can remember is the manger saying i hope your gran picks up for you ....
     
  2. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    3,452
    Liverpool
    I'm so sorry to hear how you are feeling Ann-Marie. I really think you need to talk to someone about this as you are obviously feeling isolated and unsupported. The obvious things that spring to mind are seeing your GP and/or phoning the Samaritans. Please seek some help. There is no magic cure for the pain of bereavement and it will probably take quite a while for you to begin to come to terms with your gran's death. There is help out there though and I really think you should seek it out. I am sure your gran would not want you to be feeling as bad as this and would want you to get help. You were always there for her. Now you need to be there for yourself.

    I am sure others will be along with suggestions also. In the meantime take care of yourself and keep in touch.

    Love
    Brenda
     
  3. Finnian

    Finnian Registered User

    Sep 26, 2005
    60
    U.K.
    Anne Marie

    Its always hard to lose someone you love. This illness can leave so many guilt feelings, whatever you did for Gran wont seem like the right thing right at this time. Dont be hard on yourself. Now is the time to look after yourself. You sound so low.
    Please find someone to help you. Your GP is a good place to start, or if he isnt available over the weekend,find a friend or someone to talk to in the meantime.

    This pain will ease - just hang on there

    Reaching out to you

    Finnian
     
  4. Libby

    Libby Registered User

    May 20, 2006
    625
    North East
    Hi Ann-marie

    It's just past 2 years since my dad died, and it's coming up to his birthday shortly. I can still cry when I think about him - it's only natural to grieve.

    But what's been said by Brenda and Finnian is good advice - go and see your doctor. My elder sister, didn't cope very well, and received tablets from her doctor to help her - it took her about 6 months to feel OK, but she's coping well now.

    Do make an appointment Ann-marie - it can only help

    Take care

    Libs
     
  5. Jude

    Jude Registered User

    Dear Ann-marie,

    If anyone had told me to 'pull myself together' 5 weeks after my mother died, then I think I probably would have decked them!

    At that time, I was feeling exactly as you are now - couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, tears on tap - and there seemed no point in doing anything at all. So how come you feel that you aren't coping? You are coping exactly as is to be expected of somebody suffering from the initial intense pain of losing your dear Gran.

    There is no easy way of speeding up grieving. You have to work through it day by day. You will feel sad, lonely and abandoned to begin with. You may feel guilty that you couldn't do anything to prevent your Gran's death - and then you may feel irrationally angry as well. All of these emotions are totally natural.

    Losing somebody so dear to you makes you feel out of control. Being powerless makes us feel frantic and directionless. It's a horrible feeling, but it will pass, given time.

    One of the best ways I found that helped me with losing my mother was to focus on all the great times we had together. Instead of constantly thinking about what I had lost, I tried to concentrate on the precious memories that I had in my mind and the wonderful times that we had shared. It really helped.

    It might also help you if you could share those lovely memories with somebody else at this time. You sound as if you are feeling very isolated and alone. As Brenda said, a call to Samaritans may help you immensely or a chat with a close friend.

    Ann-marie - you are the Keeper of your Gran's memories. Ending your life would also end those memories. I'm sure your Gran wouldn't want that, would she?

    You CAN live through your grief and hold those precious memories alive for years to come. It takes courage to do that. Since you had the courage to post your feelings on TP, I know you have that strength inside you already. It makes sense really.... let your Gran live on through you. She will be so proud of you!

    Jude
     
  6. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    I hope the doctor and/or Samaritans and your own memories can help you through this difficult time.

    One death tends to trigger memories of earlier deaths too.
     
  7. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    621
    Kent
    Dear Ann-Marie,
    It might help you, in the future, to make a scrapbook of some of the happy memories and activities you shared with your grandmother.
    Perhaps you could write down a few sentences about photographs, postcards and momentos to help you remember things about her that made you laugh or cry, helped you or hindered you, so in years to come there will be a reminder of her life which you can share with others.
    I'm writing a novel at the mement, based on my Mum's experiences and I'm finding it very helpful to me, especially when she has a bad day and is upset. She is still with me, but we can't talk as we used to and I feel like I've lost my Mum, as she was, already.
    Unfortunately, elderly people can go downhill healthwise very quickly, and I doubt whether there was anything else you could have done to change things.
    Ring the Samaritans if you need to,(just to chat if it helps you) and see your GP on Monday. Even if you do not belong to a religious group, I'm sure any vicar or minister would be glad to talk to you, or put you in touch with somebody with counselling skills.
    Take care of your self and keep in touch with everyone on TP.
    Kayla
     
  8. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Ann-Marie

    You've had so much good advice here, there's nothing I can add.

    Just that you've been incredibly brave to post here, and that courage will make you do everything you can to cherish your gran's memory.

    You have every right to be depressed, all I can do is send you love and hugs.

    Please post again and tell us how you are feeling.

    Love,
     
  9. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I join in with that ((hug)xx) great advice above, I must add.
     
  10. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    Ann marie........hard as it is we all have a time to die and if you Gran was in a similar state to my Mother thers no way you would want to see her continue in that confusion Once someone has dementia theres only one way out of it andthe 5 weeks of hell the hospitals pouring stuff into my mother created was far far worse than if she had been allowed to slip away

    the brain is vulnerable once dementia strikes and even a mild infection can be enough to kill them in a mater of hours

    just be grateful for the god times and try not to dwell on thebad
     
  11. jan.

    jan. Registered User

    Apr 19, 2006
    405
    Cheshire, UK.
    Anne-Marie,

    Just to say, i`m thinking of you and sending you loads of LOVE and HUGS!!!

    Jan, Xxx
     
  12. Ann-marie

    Ann-marie Registered User

    Dec 24, 2006
    26
    ive not really got any friends and im not really good at talking to people ......i was my grans full time carer 24/7 before she was put in that home it was only temp she was suppose to be coming home on the 18th feb.......ive got no other family either my mum died when i was 11 then 6 months later my grandad died and my gran brought me up.....i feel so alone
     
  13. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    Ann Marie

    I really feel for you right now you truly have been dealt a very very tough hand of cards in life

    I wonder if the local Alzheimers society or the Samaritans might help you thru this because you certianly need real local contacts and help right now
     
  14. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Ann-Marie

    You are in a terrible situation, with no close family to talk to. I'm not surprised you're missing your gran so much.

    We're here for you on TP as often as you want to post, but please get some local help as well. Whatever we say, and we really do care, it's not the same as being able to talk to someone face to face, and have a cry on their shoulder.

    Ring your GP in the morning and make an appointment. Tell him exactly how you are feeling.

    Please will you ring Samaritans? Now? They truly will help. I was a Samaritan for years, and believe me, it's more about caring for people who just need someone to talk to, than it is about suicide. They won't judge you, or put you down, they'll just listen and try to comfort you. Will you give it a go?

    Keep posting here too, we care about you, and want to know how you are getting on.

    Love,
     
  15. Nebiroth

    Nebiroth Registered User

    Aug 20, 2006
    3,511
    Hi Anne-Marie, so sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time.

    From what you describe it really does sound as though you need professional help. The Samaritans can offer immediate advice, but I think you should go and see your doctor as well, as soon as you can.

    So many symptoms you describe are absolutely typical of depression - the constant tiredness, not sleeping properly, not eating, no interest in things. The cause in your case is obvious, your bereavement.

    Don't worry about telling the doctor how you feel, he cannot help you if he does not know how you are...there is no need to feel embarassed or that you are wasting the doctors time. It may help you to write down all these things before you go because it is easy to forget things when you're in there.

    You may well feel better when you tell someone how you feel and that they are offering support. You don't have to do this on your own, there is help out there.
     
  16. Kayla

    Kayla Registered User

    May 14, 2006
    621
    Kent
    Dear Ann-Marie,
    I know it is terrible to feel so low that it seems you are in the bottom of a deep pit, but you must reach out for help from the professionals.
    Other sources of help not already mentioned are Mind, which have befriending schemes and local voluntary groups who probably advertise in local newspapers and at the library. There might be social groups held in community or Church Halls, and the Salvation Army often have useful contacts.
    Please ring your GP tomorrow and The Samaritans now or whenever you need to talk. Don't forget that there will always be somebody at the other end of the computer keyboard, so you can always have a cyber-chat.
    I'm thinking of you and giving you a virtual hug. Take care and remember TP is always here for you.
    Best wishes
    Kayla
     
  17. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Dear Ann- Marie - I'm going to contradict you ...... and hope you understand it's for the right reasons .... YOU CAN COPE....

    You have coped thus far in life with what many folk would have never dared had nightmares about ..... Be proud of yourself for that .....:)

    And you are NOT alone .... you have friends here - OK we might be 'virtual' - willing you on through a period of adjustment you so deserve...... please take up the advice offered here .....

    I agree with previous comments that you have every right to be depressed - I also believe you have every right to fight your way out of that black hole .... and I also know that isolation can make you feel like you haven't got the strength to fight your way out of a paper bag ......

    Please know that there are people here willing you on towards what you deserve,

    Much love, Karen, x
     
  18. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Anne -Marie
    I agree with all that has been said,YOU CAN COPE.
    I have been in that black hole,in fact I go into it on a regulars basis,but I drag myself out and carry on.
    I f you get down there again look for me and we will climb out together.
    Best Wishes
    Norman
     
  19. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    You have such a great way of putting things, and doing that succinctly. I'll look out for you next time I'm down there, too.
     
  20. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Is there room for me?
     

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