Husband just Diagnosed with Vascular Dementia

[T's Loving Wife]

Hi, I'm new to this site….but just had to reach out and vent….I am totally devastated due to my husband of nearly 45 year's rapid decline with Vascular Dementia caused by mild stokes….this all popped up after our dealing with 7 intense years of caring for my mother who was suffering and died in July 2011 of Alzheimers…..I was already totally exhaused from that and then a few months later….my hubby started having problems…a mild stroke and which has progressed into Vascular Dementia……I work full time….and am finding I am having such a difficult time being patient and as nurturing as I know I should be when he struggles to do things….often making huge messes or not being able to complete or remember what he set out to do….my gosh I simply have to get a grip here and reach deep down and find more patience…..his doctor just told me last week that he probably should not be at home alone any longer….but hubby does not want anyone coming in to help…and fights the thought of adult day care….I have thought of quitting my job to be with and care for him…but fear financially if he needs more care than I can give, I can only afford it if I am working…..I was sooooo hopeful that his problems were being caused by the diabetes and cholesterol meds his doctors recently put him on and finally got approved to take him back off of them….now, the extreme fatigue has gone away (sleeping 6 to 7 hours a day after a good nights sleep), but he still stuggles with lots of confusion and disorientation….I am still hopeful that perhaps its not out of his system yet and that he will somehow return to me….but in my heart and gut, I know he is slowly slipping away from me….and i am trying after 45 years to desperately hang on to him……I honestly do not know which way to turn…this was going to be our time now….now that Mom has passed…life seems so darn unfair……I am so very sad and having a very hard time holding it all together at work as well as at home….and my patience seems so very thin for this sweet man that totally is deserving of it……this week has been a very rough one with lots of confusion….perhaps tomorrow will be a better day…….

 

[jaymor]

Good morning and welcome to the forum.

It is hard looking after someone with dementia and now you find yourself having to go through it all again caring this time for your husband. No wonder you feel as you do.

You are going to find a great deal of support, help and friendship here on the forum. We all understand, we are experiencing what you are, so who better to understand how you feel?

Please use the forum, come to find advice, for a chat or to rant, we listen.

Look forward to you joining us,

Jay

 

[marionq]

You probably know all the practicalities having experienced dementia with your mother but things change over time and a carers assessment from social services to bring you up to date seems appropriate. If you have to give up work in what seems to be your sixties have you looked at what your financial position would be. Have you applied for attendance allowance and council tax reduction? A period of panic at what you are losing is understandable but very soon you will have to put that on one side to address the practical details.

Best wishes and sorry this has happened to you both.

Having re read your post I suspect you are in the USA in which case my post is not much use to you. Are there any support services in the States?