Husband with dementia


New member
Feb 15, 2024
Hello I live with my husband of 45 years and he has vascular dementia and alzeimers. He was diagnosed 3.5 years ago although he had it way before. For a few years I thought this is easy being his carer as he wasn't too bad but lately he has deteriorated so much and so quickly. He has started to become incontinent of urine and is getting very upset as he knows he is getting worse. I think for me probably the hardest thing is when he gets verbally aggressive with me. We have no carers ot help from social services but I suppose I am lucky that we have a son who will stay with my husband for me occasionally to go out with my friends. I never realised how lonely it can be when you are caring for a lived one


Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
Hello @tiawoody welcome to the forum.

I remember thinking that looking after my dad with dementia was fairly easy until suddenly it wasn’t!

Agression and incontinence are awful to have to deal with. I found that getting carers in to deal with dad’s personal care helped a great deal. It’s definitely worth getting in touch with Social Services to see what’s available.


Volunteer Host
Aug 2, 2022
South West UK
Hello @tiawoody and a welcome from me also to this friendly and supportive forum. There is a lot of shared experience of dementia to be found here and members really do want to help.

I am sorry to read about your husband.. It's tough for sure on him and on you as his carer. The deterioration in your husband's condition can creep up on you, and by what you say this is beginning to happen. I would certainly suggest an approach to Social Services for them to do a care needs assessment and a carers assessment for you. It could help you a great deal.
You are right it can be very isolating caring for a loved one, so it's important for your wellbeing to have bit of respite for you.