My husband was finally diagnosed with Alzheimers 4 yrs ago aged 55. I knew something was wrong way before this but getting any help from medics was almost impossible.
I cared for him at home from early 2007 until Sept 2010. It has not been an easy journey as most of you will know. At the beginning I thought I was clear about what I would and would not do for him. It's amazing how the goal posts keep moving. I said I'd never cope without sleep, I survived 12 months of his waking nights before help arrived. I said the day he hits me he's gone, he did and he stayed. I said I'd never cope with incontinence, it happened, he stayed.
My family have been supportive throughout. One of my daughters moved in with us and helped me in her dad's care as much as she could. It has been such an emotional roller coaster and at desperate times I have wanted to kill him, myself or both of us.
Over time my husband has gone from a self made business man to a man who can no longer do anything for himself but walk. He has no memory of his former life whatsoever. He doesn't know I'm his wife or that we share three children. He cannot wash, dress or feed himself. His speech is almost non existent except for swear words!
Before I finally agreed to care he was almost a prisoner in our home. He could no longer go out as he would run away. He would jump out of cars at traffic lights and just run, no concept of the danger of other cars. The carers we had were finding it increasingly hard to stay in with him. His aggression and violence was reaching an all time high and I was fast approaching the end of my tether.
The week before he went into care, I took him with me to the local shop for a couple of necessities and intended to lock him in the car, child lock on whist I ran inside. (cruel or kind???). Anyway he insisted on coming in with me, my mind wandered and before I knew it he was gone. Outcome was, he was missing for 8 hrs on a dark wet and windy night. He had no coat on and was wearing summer sandals. Boy did we go through hell. Bless friends and neighbours who joined the search with the police. He was found as the police helicopter was about to launch.....Soaked soiled and starving.
That was a Friday evening, Monday morning his psychiatrist was on the phone saying he had a place in a specialist unit for dementia sufferers with challenging behaviour, he moved in on the Friday, exactly one week from me losing him.
Sorry for such a long introduction, let me get to the point (if anyone has stayed with me this long)......Since he has gone I have found it hard so to cope. His illness is more real somehow. New emotions, feelings of despair, emptiness and nothingness. I can't be bothered with life, I'm a mess, my home is a mess. I am trying to cope with a bereavement even though he is still alive. A living bereavement is such a true phrase. Is anybody out there living this now or felt like this and survived, please help if you can.
Regards Bastan xxx
I cared for him at home from early 2007 until Sept 2010. It has not been an easy journey as most of you will know. At the beginning I thought I was clear about what I would and would not do for him. It's amazing how the goal posts keep moving. I said I'd never cope without sleep, I survived 12 months of his waking nights before help arrived. I said the day he hits me he's gone, he did and he stayed. I said I'd never cope with incontinence, it happened, he stayed.
My family have been supportive throughout. One of my daughters moved in with us and helped me in her dad's care as much as she could. It has been such an emotional roller coaster and at desperate times I have wanted to kill him, myself or both of us.
Over time my husband has gone from a self made business man to a man who can no longer do anything for himself but walk. He has no memory of his former life whatsoever. He doesn't know I'm his wife or that we share three children. He cannot wash, dress or feed himself. His speech is almost non existent except for swear words!
Before I finally agreed to care he was almost a prisoner in our home. He could no longer go out as he would run away. He would jump out of cars at traffic lights and just run, no concept of the danger of other cars. The carers we had were finding it increasingly hard to stay in with him. His aggression and violence was reaching an all time high and I was fast approaching the end of my tether.
The week before he went into care, I took him with me to the local shop for a couple of necessities and intended to lock him in the car, child lock on whist I ran inside. (cruel or kind???). Anyway he insisted on coming in with me, my mind wandered and before I knew it he was gone. Outcome was, he was missing for 8 hrs on a dark wet and windy night. He had no coat on and was wearing summer sandals. Boy did we go through hell. Bless friends and neighbours who joined the search with the police. He was found as the police helicopter was about to launch.....Soaked soiled and starving.
That was a Friday evening, Monday morning his psychiatrist was on the phone saying he had a place in a specialist unit for dementia sufferers with challenging behaviour, he moved in on the Friday, exactly one week from me losing him.
Sorry for such a long introduction, let me get to the point (if anyone has stayed with me this long)......Since he has gone I have found it hard so to cope. His illness is more real somehow. New emotions, feelings of despair, emptiness and nothingness. I can't be bothered with life, I'm a mess, my home is a mess. I am trying to cope with a bereavement even though he is still alive. A living bereavement is such a true phrase. Is anybody out there living this now or felt like this and survived, please help if you can.
Regards Bastan xxx
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