Husband in care.....how do I cope

[Bastan]

Oh Dear Wendy. I don't know how I missed your post, it is so sad it made my heart ache for you.

I hope this isn't too personal but have you talked to your GP recently as you sound very depressed. I say this because I take anti-depressants and have needed them for some time now. They are not 'happy pills' but do help me get by. I understand some people have issues with them, so please disregard this paragraph if it offends in anyway.

Do you and Roy have any children or other family near by? You mention friends but say you don't want to go out with them. How about inviting them in for lunch, or just coffee. We all need company and isolation is so bad for us. I do understand. I have many days when I don't even get dressed and (if you've read above) been told I smell. I am easy on myself though and if I can go out I do, if I can't, then there's always tomorrow.

Tease yourself back into your hobbies, better weather is coming, take yourself into your garden. How about planting one tub for starters..........I've split my lounge into sections, one sofa to clear, pick up debris from floor, dust one corner, etc. Same in bedroom. That get up and go is a devil to get back when it's got up and gone but we need to claw it back. This is our life now and the only one we've got. I have found it hard to enjoy myself with Nats stuck in his home. However, I am coming to accept, it is his illness that has put him there, AND NOT ME. I am slowly trying to make steps back into the life I once knew, the life before Alzheimers.....

When I read about Roy's whistling it brought a huge smile to my face. I had totally forgotten about my Nats whistle. He'd drive me (and most others) to distraction, he did the same tune over and over 'I have a dream' by Abba. One of our daughters got to screaming pitch with it. Funny how things that once drove you crazy you'd give anything to hear now! If Nats could remember a tune I'd be over the moon.

I'm glad that Roy is content in his new home and that he still recognises you. Nats varies, sometimes I think he knows me and others he blanks me completely.

I think you should keep writing on TP, surely it is here to help. We all need different levels of support and I don't think you'll be judged for whinging as you put it. If it's a problem to you, then it's a problem. Share it and half it!!!

Sending you love and much understanding
Bastan. xx

 

[Sox]

Hello Bastan - I have only just read your posts, wow what an awful time for you. I am not quite at the same stage yet my husband is still at home, but I can see what is ahead for us. My husband was diagnosed with frontal lobe Alzheimers nearly 5 years ago, although I had been suspicious for 2-3 years before that. We managed fairly well for 4 years, I kept everything as "normal" as possible including going on holiday but last September he collapsed while we were out walking and deteriorated quite quickly over the next 3 months to December when he escaped from me and was found collapsed again - nothing broken so home again. Naturally I am now afraid to leave him so have organised carers to come in just once a week for 3-4 hours so that I can do essential tasks. I am hopeful that he will accept this (he seems to so far) then I can increase their hours and get more help. I try to keep positive although I realise that I will undoubtedly "have my moments" and although I guess what is ahead it will be quite different when it actually comes to making a decision about a CH etc. I do hope you are able to think a little more of yourself - coould you perhaps go for a pedicure or facial or something like that as a treat? Take care and take each day at a time. Sox

 

[Bastan]

Hello Sox, yes it has been a rough old time over the last few yrs, and it sounds like it is for you too. As it is for most of us when confronted with dementia in it's many forms.

Glad to hear you still have your partner at home and things are working out with the carers. Hope you manage to get a little more time for yourself though. I couldn't have coped without the care I got for Nats. And listening to how little help some are offered, I realise we were lucky in this aspect.

It's a great asset to be able to remain positive, and although my son tells me I am quite a negative person, I feel I have coped tremendously well with all that we've been trough. I have always managed to laugh about most things afterwards, not funny at the time though!!!

A bit of pampering goes a long way. I had an Indian head massage last Saturday and it was lovely.

love Bastan xx

 

[Sox]

Hello Bastan I had my third session of care today and had an afternoon shopping - I thought I was strong, but all of a sudden it hit me that I was on my own and that things are unlikely to change so if I am honest felt a bit emotional and down in the dumps so am now feeling shattered (all emotional I think). However I am usually so positive so hopefully will get a good nights sleep and feel better in the morning. I eill have to take my own advice and book a facialor something for next week. Take care lots of love Sox

 

[Bastan]

Sorry you had a bad day (Post:-bad day update and to me), I did too (Post:-feeling raw) and so did Nan (Post:- reached rock bottom). Was it something in the air!!!

You are probably very strong, caring in the way we do makes us so. However we are not robots and our emotions can take over. It's not easy losing our husbands to this disease.

I guess you were shopping for new floor covering, hardly fun on your time off. No wonder you felt down.

Hope you got a good sleep and have felt a little brighter today.

love Bastan. xxx

 

[Sox]

Thank you yes I do feel better today and yes I was shopping for new floor covering!! We had a huge booksale in town today so I stocked up on lots of lovely books - as many as I could carry. I also "took the bull by the horns" and booked my first holiday on my own - a coach holiday in June and organised my daughters to share the caring (with the help of the carers) as you say we have to be tough - so I am doing my best. I am a very basic user of Talking Point - not sure how to do anything other than reply to posts but your replies really do help. Lots of love Sox