Husband going into a Care home

[Dutchman]

My husband of 50 years entered a care home in Oct 23 due to his advancing Parkinson dementia and I'm still numb and in tears alot of the time.I know he must be there(for his health and safety and my health)but I feel I'm in mourning.I miss him terribly and he is over an hour from home so I only see him about twice a week.In my case,I don't know if I will ever effectively cope with this situation.I being Debbie Downer here and I'm sorry but I saw him today...when I return home from the visits, the sadness and longing for his presence peaks.

Hi there,

First of all there is probably nothing I can say here that will make you feel better. This loss you feel is so strong and real that it takes over everything.

When I lost my wife to a care home I nearly had a nervous breakdown with grief. I can only advise that you get to the doctors soon to discuss some medication ( you don’t have to take it but it’s there just in case). Also try to find some counselling. Talking it through outside of the Forum may help.

You need other people. People to talk to about your grief. There’s no comfort at this early stage telling you it’s for the best and he’s in the right place looked after by professionals but the fact is that this is the case. Get to know the staff better as they can be a valuable source of information, comfort and understanding. I became friends with the staff at my wife’s home and it became a friendly place to be.

I wish I could help relieve your distress more but it’s true that time does make a difference. Be kind to yourself and cry buckets, punch pillows, shout and swear at the unfairness of it all. Peterxx

 

[MikeFB]

Sitting here on my own for the first time in 67 years of being married to my dear wife who was admitted into a nursing home two weeks ago, I can totally identify with the numerous sentiments expressed in your letters. We are both 91 years old and I cared for my OH for 5 years before I had to make that difficult decision to let go. During the quieter moments at home the sadness and despair felt at times becomes overwhelming and, in common with so many of you, my day focuses on the daily visit to the Home where I can spend time with my OH. So sad but comforting to share my thoughts with others in a similar situation.

 

[Dutchman]

Sitting here on my own for the first time in 67 years of being married to my dear wife who was admitted into a nursing home two weeks ago, I can totally identify with the numerous sentiments expressed in your letters. We are both 91 years old and I cared for my OH for 5 years before I had to make that difficult decision to let go. During the quieter moments at home the sadness and despair felt at times becomes overwhelming and, in common with so many of you, my day focuses on the daily visit to the Home where I can spend time with my OH. So sad but comforting to share my thoughts with others in a similar situation.

Hello @MikeFB

Wow. 67 years. It’s so heartbreaking when after so long together you finally have to part because one of you needs more than you can give. It’s up to the professionals now to give your wife all she needs and all I can say is that make the most of all your visits.

Please be kind to yourself. I know it’s so very hard but if you look after yourself then you’re able to do more for your dear wife.

Please keep dipping into the forum. We’re all roughly in the same boat

Peter

 

[SherwoodSue]

You might find this publication helpful @JanetMargaret -

Letting Go Without Giving Up.

Very useful publication. Thank you for posting

 

[London2024]

Hi
My cousin has had a stroke and been diagnosed with vascular dementia. We were told we could apply for continual health care funding because he has vascular dementia but now the word vascular has disappeared from all the official’s vocabulary and they are saying he won’t qualify. We are at our wits end. He is deteriorating before our eyes. Has anyone had any problems applying for CHV funding ? Social services put obstacles in our way and words into my cousins mouth and try every trick in the book to avoid applying for funding. Even carrying out assessments when they know we are not able to attend these st short notice. Life is stressful enough without the added stress of this.

 

[SeaSwallow]

Hi
My cousin has had a stroke and been diagnosed with vascular dementia. We were told we could apply for continual health care funding because he has vascular dementia but now the word vascular has disappeared from all the official’s vocabulary and they are saying he won’t qualify. We are at our wits end. He is deteriorating before our eyes. Has anyone had any problems applying for CHV funding ? Social services put obstacles in our way and words into my cousins mouth and try every trick in the book to avoid applying for funding. Even carrying out assessments when they know we are not able to attend these st short notice. Life is stressful enough without the added stress of this.

Hello @London2024 and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum. Unfortunately CHC funding is rarely granted and only where there are other serious health issues not related to the dementia diagnosis.
i know that it might be hard to arrange but it woud be useful if you can manage to have a meeting with social services to see what other help is available.