Morning everyone, and thank you for all your messages of support and encouragement for following through on the 'walk away' plan. I can't tell you how much this means to me right now, and how much it is helping me through a truly terrible time.
Yesterday was a difficult day. I went to church as usual in the morning (I'm Catholic), with the row still blazing in my head still. I sat quietly through the service and thought about all that I'd said and done and how I should ask for forgiveness. It did (always does) help me to calm down and see things in a different perspective. After the service, as I was walking back home, I was left with a calm feeling and a realisation. My in-laws (or out-laws ha ha!) are NEVER going to see the situation as I see it. They will always see me as the one who over-reacts, over-cares, is over-sensitive to DIL's needs in particular when he should just JOLLY WELL GET ON WITH IT (to paraphrase a SIL). Nothing will change unless I change it.
So when I got home, I spoke again to my OH, this time more calmly. I repeated what I'd said on Saturday. I told him that I'm cancelling my carer's allowance today (Monday), and am starting to look for a job straight away. I said I intended to stop my present caring arrangement at the end of this coming week (to see through a couple of commitments I'd already made). I told him that I'm going to look for a job as a carer, 35 hours a week. If there is an opportunity to work over Christmas, I'm taking it (this is all pre-supposing I get accepted an am working by then, of course!). I said I'd keep New Year's Eve and the day before free, as we have an invitation to stay with friends in another city then. But otherwise, it was for him to work out suitable caring/ entertaining arrangements for his parents over the Christmas period. His reaction was - 'I see'. We went to a football game later on in the day, but hardly spoke for the rest of the day.
Later in the evening, we visited MIL and DIL as we usually do. It was mostly a social visit, and we raised the subject of going to BIL's at Christmas. As I predicted, MIL was quite happy with the idea, but DIL was adamant that he DID NOT WANT TO GO. He is still obviously suffering from the UTI and is still somewhat confused, but on this matter his wishes seem pretty clear. So, it's up to my OH now. He can either force my DIL to go, or he can stay with them in their home and eat a home-cooked dinner with them. If I have some free time on that day, I will join them for dinner. I might even cook it for them. Actually, I will probably buy a ready-meal, that we can stick in the freezer if not needed. So that, as far as I'm concerned, is the plan for Christmas.
I did put DIL to bed as I usually do on a Sunday. His urine output was very slow and dark and still looks & smells infected. He has finished his antibiotic course already because of the overdosing a few days ago. This morning, I did have a brief wobbly moment and was sorely tempted to pack my bag and go back to them. But reading your posts has given me the resolve to see through the 'walk away' plan. It has to be done. Wish me strength everone, and thank you again for your support.