How far would you feel it acceptable to push food and drink?

[piedwarbler]

Thanks everyone. I hope Mum is ok too. I hate to think of her so very very vulnerable. It is awful to witness. I think I had better contact the GP.
I had a good time at the Christmas fair at school running the games stall. I am totally exhausted tonight. I don't realise how much I still feel the effects of the chemo two years afterwards.
Little Pied liked seeing Father Christmas although she said he was an "awful fake" and she would not let me go in with her as she said it was embarrassing! I was sad about that. She told him she would like a kindle fire for Christmas and he gave her a scraper board thing that she has played with tonight.
Love,

 

[Helen33]

Hi Pied,

With all that you have done today it is no wonder you are shattered. All this plus the long term effects of the chemo. I do hope you get some quality rest tonight.

I wish I had words that could make everything alright but that would be impossible. I do think though that you are giving your mum the most wonderful care and I can truly say that if I am ever in your mum's position in life, I would hope there would be someone like you there for me.

Tomorrow is another day and I just hope you get some peace of mind and rest.

Love

 

[Sherbert lemon]

Hi Pied, I'm going through the same

​

with my mum. She is refusing food and taking in few liquids now. She has been sick quite a few times as well. I suppose you have to go on your gut feelings, a bit like reading a child's expressions when weaning! I've often thought is it Mums way if showing her last bit of control? Let's face it, she has no control over other parts of her life.

I feel for you and I hope all works out well. X

 

[creativesarah]

I'd like a kindle fire too little Pied has good taste!

Unfortunately all our chimneys are inaccessable!

think i might upgrade my phone to an android

Sorry I'm waffling, loads of prayers and vibes and thoughts coming your way

2jays is getting chocolate i her stocking better than nowt!

fred fell over tonight and had to go to hospital and have his head stitched
never a dull moment!

take care luv Sarah

I cant remember what it was i REALLY wanted to say!

 

[creativesarah]

Just remebered I think compassion is a gift some have it, some dont

2 siblings could be brought up exactly the same but not have the same amount of compassion and some times one (invisible) misses out all together!

 

[piedwarbler]

Thanks. I forgot to say, the nurse said Mum had had two massive bowel movements at the start of this, this was the day before she was sick with a browny black vomit. I wonder if these things are connected. Might she have a D and V infection for example?
Mum seemed a little better in colour today but no better in herself.
X

Ooh Sarah, sis dear, touché!!

 

[jan.s]

Dear Pied

I have just caught up with your thread. I was sitting here, all dewy eyed reading about you sitting with your mum talking about her parents and singing to her, thinking about how lovely that was. I was then horrified to read about the nurse.

How unfeeling of her. I couldn't believe it. I think you were right to tell the Matron, as you need to be sure that your mum is treated with care and respect.

I am thinking of you at this difficult time, and am glad that Little P is happy at school - that must help you so much. I hell make sure now that I keep myself up to date with you. Your mum is very lucky to have you looking out for her and being such a brilliant, caring daughter.

Jan x

 

[creativesarah]

Ooh Sarah, sis dear, touché!!

whatever do you mean!!!!

theres a lot of the Norovirus going around we think Fred had it in hospital I bumped into my friend Pieter who has just retired as a GP and he said theres lots of it about,
I said J was at home poorly with a temperature, Pieter said he had a temperature too
I said well everyone has a temperature!!

compassion from moi - failed that time!

 

[florence43]

Dear Pied,

You are the daughter that any mother would want fighting their corner and you must keep that thought in your mind when dealing with uncomfortable and difficult situations. Remember this area of life is not normal life. It is exceptional and un-rehearsed. You have no experience to draw on and nothing to compare it to, which is why TP is such a valuable source of support. Many here have been through this, or something very similar.

My advice is not to waste time or energy, since both are running out, on worrying about offending the nurses. I know it sounds harsh and I did have the same concerns when my mum was ill. But looking back, I know I did the right thing by fighting. I would have regretted it terribly had I not. And that's where you must put yourself...in the future, looking back. You will find yourself trying to filter out the bad days (such as this) and not letting them haunt you, and to do that you need to be able to say to yourself that you did the best you could do keep your mum safe, happy and comfortable.

Such an uncaring approach by that nurse is not right and I'm glad you tackled it. If she doesn't understand why you're upset, then it proves she doesn't have the compassion you are searching for. Other nurses WILL understand, so never stay silent for the sake of politeness. Not in this case. Always tell yourself this is not normal life. You are a lovely, kind polite person the rest of the time, but time is short and life is precious so if you need to shout louder, then shout louder.

In a year's time, they won't even remember your name. So do what you need to do, since they will have no lasting effects on the nurses, but they will on your mum's well-being.

Sweetie, you're doing it just right. If it were me lying there, I'd want someone like you taking on my battles... xxx

 

[piedwarbler]

I'm sitting by Mum. Someone sent me a PM suggesting custard with a spoon of chocolate spread stirred in, which I thought was a brilliant idea, but Mum isn't taking any. Nor is she taking fluid. I found her with her mouth clagged up with porridge when I arrived which I've tried to clean out with a sponge stick.
Oh God.

 

[jan.s]

Thinking of you Pied. xx

 

[winda]

I am also thinking of you Pied xx

 

[jeany123]

Thinking of you and your mum xxxx

 

[piedwarbler]

Thanks. I've sat here, written to the GP, then tried to feed mum her lunch. She has two tiny spoons of custard and then refused more. Turned her face away, mouth clamped tight shut. So I wet it with the saliva, which she really likes. Then I put on a CD of 1940s Christmas songs and sang to Mum, including white Christmas and me two front teeth. Etc. mum smiled. I have given her a leg rub. She liked that.
Ave Maria is playing now. That'll start me off!
The carer this morning was lovely. She said, I've been in this job 25 years and I think your mum doesn't want food so I don't force her.
I was grateful for that.
She said Mum had 30 mls of fortisip but I can't get anywhere near that amount into her. I can do 5 at best in one go.
Thanks for all the hugs. Xx
This road is surely long and rocky.

 

[nellbelles]

Your Mum sounds content in her own little world, no one could more than you are doing.

Stay strong, (((hugs)))

Love Helen x

 

[geum123]

Hi Pied,
I tried to post last night and then lost the Broadband connection. Sorry.

Yesterdays post.
Dads carer wasn't young Pied,
nor do I think in order to experience compassion and empathy you would have to experience pain, fear, etc. directly.
I think that empathy and compassion is something you either have or dont.
Technique can be taught, but never caring.

In relation to the nurses comments about pain relief,
Could you ask whether a best interest meeting could be held,
or else go direct to GP? so that you Mum does receive sufficient medication.
You know her best.


How I wish I was as eloquent as Florence43.
She has said it all perfectly.

Thinking of your Mum and of course you Pied.

Love Geum.
xxx

 

[piedwarbler]

Oh Helen thanks. Thing is, if only I could feel sure the carers would do the same, I could swan off home!

 

[piedwarbler]

They just came in to do Mum's pad and said it was dryer, just "marked" they said. One of them said "your mums really thin now isn't she " and just smiled at me. I said I know she doesn't want to eat now. The carer said she ate all her breakfast on Thursday, that was the day I went to work.
My instinct tells me Mum has changed spiritually but then I have been wrong before.
This little room is so full of love today, I think it might burst.
X

There's a song playing on this CD, I've not heard it before. It's called "I'm doing my Christmas dreaming a little early this year ". It seems apt xxxx

 

[creativesarah]

bless you Pied

loads of support

sarah

 

[NeverGiveUp]

Add my support, you are doing a fantastic job, I hope I am as brave as you when our time comes.